Love The Way You Lie
by Rose.scriber
Summary: A forbidden week together resulted in dangers they never thought they'd have to face. Lily and Severus either learn to work together or they will be forced to watch as the other is destroyed.
1. Chapter 1

"**Love the Way You Lie" **

Severus Snape pressed his head to the window of the train as he watched her beautiful face turn with anger. Lily Evans jerked her shoulder out from under James Potter's arm. The laughter faded from Potter's face as he looked at his girlfriend in bewilderment. Lily said something, her face still twisted in a glare, her hand flipping toward the train.

For a moment, Severus felt his heart give a painful twist. It was just too much to hope that she was finally seeing what a moron Potter was…and it was beyond normal hope that even if she had changed her mind about Potter that she would even talk to him.

A guffawing broke through his thoughts and he turned his head quickly to see the haughty face of Avery and Mulciber. They were laughing over some overly crude joke, crumbs from the food they'd taken from the cafeteria sprinkled down their fronts.

Rolling his eyes, Snape leaned back against the seat. He swore to himself at the beginning of this year—and even the year before—that he was going to let her go, but then he saw her and all of his resolve shattered into his quivering heart. He was a fool. A weak fool. His fascination with the girl was a weakness, like an illness that infested his blood and he couldn't find a cure.

A sharp blast of the whistle echoed across the platform and he sat back in his seat. He ran his fingers through his hair and reached for his small bag. He fished out his potions book and laid it across his lap. He wanted a distraction; he thumbed through the pages, looking for a complicated recipe that could occupy his mind. He had nothing to look forward to at the end of this train ride. He was going back to a mother who seemed to hate him a little more as each year passed. He didn't even know if his father would be there. The man had been gone when Severus left for school in the spring, but that didn't mean that he would stay gone. He never did.

The train hadn't been out of the station more than ten minutes, but Severus was already feeling chocked by the train and his classmates. Their low voices were more like primal grunts than conversation and the topics were so idiotic that he didn't even begin to try and follow. He pulled the book closer to his face and tried to focus. His fool classmates didn't appreciate the magic they were being taught to do or the magic of which they were capable. Several of the current hallway spells were created by students and several were Severus' original work.

The words on the page danced as he tried to tune out the other boys and he knew it was a losing battle. For a moment he considered silencing them or hindering his own hearing with magic, but that would almost be asking for retaliation from the other boys. The prospect amused him, he could easily out hex them, but in a few hours he would need all of his energy to fight his other battles.

Standing up, he tossed his book onto the seat glared at Avery's legs. "Move," he snarled.

Avery's fingers twitched toward the pocket in his robe, but at the look on Severus' face, he bent his knees. "Where you going?"

"Out," Snape replied simply.

He slid the door close and started immediately for the back of the train. The prefects were in the front of the train and he really didn't want to encounter one of them.

He hurried past the compartments fill with students. The Easter Holidays were supposed to be a family oriented time and so many of the students seemed thrilled. Snape wasn't. He would have gladly stayed at school enjoyed the solace of being almost alone, but the wretched letter from his mother said he would need to be home. He couldn't imagine what she would need, but she never asked to see him anymore and it ws his final holiday so he thought he'd oblige.

Shoving his way through more of the doors, past groups of laughing students, he finally made it to the baggage car. The car was blissfully dark and quiet. The steady creaking and clanking of the wheels on the track was almost soothing. He slid the door shut behind him and walked to a stack of boxes. Leaning forward on his hands, he closed his eyes and tried to clear his head.

Why did she take over everything in his mind like this? It had been almost two years and still…

With a whoosh, the door slid open behind him. Severus quickly jerked around and felt his heart lurch again.

There she was. Tear tracks traced down her beautiful cheeks, her amazing green eyes filled, and hurting.

He held his breath expecting her to turn and leave but she surprised him by stepping further into the car and shutting the door behind her. Angrily, she wiped the tears away. "What are you doing here?"

What was he doing here? This had been one of their places. The spot where they could laugh and relax without the overly critical stares of the other students, but for the train ride they weren't a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, or the "awful boy" and one of the flower children, they were just Lily and Sev. When he was on the train this was the place he cared to be. It wasn't marred by idiotic mistakes. Well, it hadn't been.

Even though he was thrilled to see her, even though his heart was already reacting erratically, anger and the bile of hurt were taking over and a nasty comment was building. It would be so easy to give her a moment of the agony he had been dealing with the past two years but he stopped himself. He focused on the tears and tried to think of something different to say.

"There's peace here," he said softly.

Lily's beautiful, swollen eyes narrow and her hand slammed across his cheek before he was even aware of what had happened.

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	2. Chapter 2

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**Chapter 2**

Snape's head jerked to the side. Though his cheek was on blazing with the sting of the strike another fire had erupted in his chest. This was a raging all-consuming fire that boiled his blood. He'd felt this way before but _never_ because of _her_.

He inhaled deeply, slowly turning his head in her directions. Furious words stirred in his mouth as he locked eyes with those blazing emeralds.

More tears had sprung forward and she struggled to swallow. "How dare you say this is a place of peace," she snarled.

"I'm not the one throwing punches," he said coolly, his voice was dangerously low. It was taking every ounce of his restraint to not say more because it would definitely be something that he would regret.

Lily tried to scrape the tears from her face, her chest heaving with ragged breathing. "If you think that this is a place of peace—not with you—not here…"

"Again, you are the one who is causing problems."

Lily's arm was in the air again and Severus was ready this time. His hand locked on her wrist just inches from his face and in a swift movement he yanked her to him.

"That would not be wise," he breathed. She was inches from him; he could see the tears clinking to her eyelashes, he could smell the intoxicating flora scent that wafted from her. The air tingled around them. The anger boiling in his blood was changing. He could still feel the heat radiating but now it was coming from somewhere other than his head.

She brought up her other hand and he deftly caught the second blow. Both her arms were now in the air, her wrist trapped in his. He could feel her trembling.

"You need to get yourself under control," he advised. Control was everything. This had been a hard lesson for him to learn, but those times he lost control were the times his life went to hell.

Lily's eyes danced with defiance. She yanked her wrists from his grasps and stumbled back. "Just leave me alone."

"There's the door." He stepped back. He suddenly needed space. He needed to be away from her, from whatever had been building between them.

Lily glanced over her shoulder then met his eye. "I can't."

Severus raised his eyebrows quizzically, leaning back against a tower of trunks.

Lily let out an exasperated sigh and threw her hands in the air. "I needed somewhere quiet to think."

"Then think. Again, you are the one causing issues."

"I can't stand your attitude."

His eye narrowed. "My attitude? Because I'm the one who walked in looking for a fight?"

"I didn't know you'd be in here!"

"And your first reaction to seeing someone you weren't expecting is to hit them?"

She threw her hands up and crossed her arms. "You've had it coming for a long time."

"Because of a mistake I made two years ago? You're a filthy hypocrite."

Lily wheeled on her heels. "What?"

"You bloody act like it is okay to treat me like I'm nothing. I've apologized, and begged for your forgiveness then you expect me to bow to your whims as though I owe you something."

"I don't—"

"Like hell you don't. Now that you're with bloody Potter you think you're better than the rest of the country. Potter is nothing but a self-absorbed, inconsiderate git who thinks that flying on a broom make him—"

"We're not together!" Lily snapped, new tears spilling.

Severus paused and considered what she'd said. "Did you finally wake up?" he asked, a steely edge in his voice.

Her eyes narrowed. "I should have known better than to think I could even begin to talk to you."

"Oh piss off, Lily. You're just a self-righteous as Potter."

"That's rich coming from you, Severus," she snapped, tears welling in her eyes again. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm going over there. Don't let the door hit you when you leave."

He turned, realizing that he was struggling to control his breathing. Why did she do this to him? It wasn't logical. If he didn't know better he would have thought that his infatuation was the result of a love spell. But he did know better, he wouldn't have been under it from the first time he met her; she didn't even know magic then.

Striding over to the window, he took a long deep breath. He should just go back to his seat then he'd be away from her. But he couldn't. Even though he was angry there was something about the proximity that he couldn't pull himself away from.

The train plowed forward. He lost track of time as he watched the tree whipped past.

"I never should have gotten on this stupid train," Lily suddenly cried.

Severus turned. Apparently the time of being left alone was over.

"Do you think whatever happened wouldn't have just because you weren't on a train?"

"At least if I wasn't here, I could be in a dorm room, or something. I was supposed to stay with James and his family for the Easter Holidays. My parents are hosting Petunia and Vernon and his family. My wonderful sister so nicely informed me that I wasn't invited." She hung her head, but he could see her move to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "I guess I'll write McGonagall and ask her if I can come back because there's no way I'm going anywhere near James."

"Stay with me." The words were out before he'd had time to stop them. Oh he was such a fool. Forget cursing Avery into silence, he needed to curse himself.

Then she surprised him. "Okay…"

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Severus was stunned. He hadn't really expected her to accept. Hell, he hadn't even meant to suggest the idea. He looked critically at the young woman sitting before him. She was just was beautiful as she had always been; she may have been even more so at the moment with her defenses down. The tears had dried, but her eyes were still a little red and puffy. The normal waves of her hair were flat and limp, showing her overall stress.

Part of his heart that he had assumed would always cause him pain was suddenly sitting upright in his chest and trying horribly to sing. To keep himself from smiling like an idiot, he turned and gazed out the window and he realized that the landscape was becoming distinctly more urban.

"Will Potter wait for you to get off the train?" There, mentioning Potter was always a wonderful way to make his stupid, over-enthusiastic heart shrivel.

Lily sniffed and met his eyes. "He'll probably look for me. I don't know if he'd wait."

"How are you doing with that invisibility charm Flitwick taught us a couple of months ago?"

Finally, she smiled. Well, it was more of a smirk, but he knew she was brilliant at charms and by suggesting that she hadn't mastered the spell it would give her a chance to show off. "I had it the first night."

"Good. Cast that on yourself and meet me under the clock. What do you want to do about your luggage?" he asked. There were several problems with his plan. He had no idea why his mother had requested that he come home. He could only hope that the charm would last until they got to Spinner's End and he still wasn't sure about Tobias…

This time she smiled. "Oh, Sev..."

She was teasing him, it had been so long since he'd seen her actually smile at him like that. Again, that wretched part of his heart jumped to full attention.

With an over exaggerated flourish, Lily flicked her wand levitating her trunk above the others in the room. She gave another flick and they shrunk down to miniatures that fit easily in the palm of her hand. "Flitwick thought I needed a challenge. The trick with this one—"

The whistle stopped her and they fell silent as the train pulled into the station. Severus took one more look at her from the corner of his eye. As much as he was fighting it, as angry as he had just been with her, he still wanted her to follow him. He wanted time with her away from school, away from the other students, and away from Potter. He didn't want to go back to the point of not talking to her.

She looked up and caught his eyes. "Here goes, see you in a bit." She flicked her wand again and vanished from his sight.

A smile threatened to break across his face. Making yourself invisible was incredibly difficult and most wizards failed at the charm but not Lily. She completely vanished. Severus nodded approvingly and left the car.

"Where the hell have you been?" Mulciber growled, standing up and stretching.

"Around. Why?"

"Couldn't find you. Wanted to go over things about—"

"Not here, you idiot," Snape interrupted. The though title was fitting, Mulciber didn't like it; his tiny eyes glittered and the muscles in his arm flexed. "Try it and you won't have to worry about talking to me about it. And I can promise you that with all the others that will be there, you won't be missed."

Stupid as he was, Mulciber knew the dangers in provoking Snape. The larger boy backed down and left the car. Snape snatched his bag a pulled out the Muggle clothes from the inside and shoved his cloak into it. Drawing the shades, he changed quickly into jeans and a faded gray t-shirt.

He stepped off the train, adjusting his rucksack on his shoulder. Mulciber was a fool to think he could discuss _that_ on the train. They had to be constantly aware of Dumbledore and how the man seemed to discover _everything. _Severus shook his head. He couldn't think about that now. He glanced around the platform, his eyes darting to the large clock and the empty space beneath it. Was she really there? Waiting for him?

He took a deep breath. He had to keep his head, especially now. He saw the rack of luggage and pulled his own trunk from the growing stacks.

"Maybe you should just unpack and stay home, Snivellus," a snide voice called near the train.

Every muscle in Snape's back tensed. What he wouldn't give to curse Potter and his friends into oblivion. If there was a time he knew that it would be of the utmost importance to not rise to Potter's remarks, it was now. The last time he had gotten into a provocation with Potter he'd lost one of the most important people in his life.

"Don't think he heard you, Prongs. Maybe you should clean his ears out for him."

"And I saw just the thing that would make that quite interesting," Potter chuckled.

Reminding himself that it wasn't worth rising to the remarks, Snape kept a steady pace to the clock where he paused and checked his watch.

A small zap made him start, it didn't hurt and it hadn't come from the direction of James and Sirius. Just enough to get his attention

"Are you ready?" Her soft voice asked.

With a discreet nod, he turned toward the platform divider then walked through. The chill of early spring in London met him with a rush and he paused until the faint sent of flowers joined him. "Take my arm and I'll apparate."

He expected her to argue. It wasn't like she didn't know where they were going, but a thrill ran up his arm when he felt her cool fingers graze across his bicep then hold on. He turned, the squeezing sensation pressing in all around him. The urge to reach his arms out and hold her close was threatening to take over but he focused on getting them to Spinner's End safely, he didn't need to splinch her.

The ground was back under his feet and her hand dropped away. "Are you all right?" he asked softly under the pretext of pushing his hair away from his face.

"I'm fine," she answered. "Should I remove the charm?"

"Wait," he said softly. "I need to see what things are like at home."

There must have been something in his tone that didn't invite questions. She was quite, but he could hear her soft foot falls echoing off the stone walls of the alley. They walked quickly down the dirty streets. Severus finally began to wonder why he mother would have wanted him home. It was such an unusual request. He was sure that it had something to do with the fact it was his final holiday. Eileen couldn't expect him to return to that horrible place once he was finished with Hogwarts.

The row of houses appeared as dirty and dingy as ever. It was late in the evening and a heavy fog from the river was creeping over the bricks. As they got closer, he saw that several lights were on in the downstairs. He furrowed his brow, this was unusual. Eileen usually stayed in the kitchen, and Tobias parked himself in front of the television.

"Do you mind waiting just a minute? Let me see where they are then I'll bring you inside?" He asked her softly.

"That's fine."

He'd really been hoping Tobias would have been in a drunken stupor and that Eileen would have retired to her room by now. Then, he would just take Lily though the narrow hallways and down the stairs to the basement.

"Where the hell is that boy?" Tobias barked his voice carrying through the door as Severus reached for the handle.

_Fantastic,_ he thought bitterly, twisting the knob.

"Severus," Eileen called softy. She was leaning against the doorframe leading to the dining room. She was looking unusually tired. No doubt she was putting in twice the hours at work that she should have.

"Took your time didn't you? Would've thought that you could have slid your greasy arse home just a little faster," Tobias snarled.

Severus shoved his hands into his pocket. This was not a situation he could win and with Lily waiting outside he needed to take whatever Tobias was going to throw at him so he could get her off the streets.

"Pathetic and disrespectful, not even an excuse or an apology for being so late," Tobias snapped.

"How was the train ride?" Eileen asked softly.

"We don't have time for this. If the boy wanted to speak to you he wouldn't have pissed around. We need to leave now. Move." Tobias pushed past him with a suitcase.

Severus didn't bother acknowledging Tobias' behavior. He came close to Eileen as she was picking up a suitcase. "Where are you going?"

"Tobias' mother passed. He is the executer of her will. We are taking a late train." The words seemed to drain her energy. "There is food in the refrigerator. Do you think you'll be okay until you go back?"

He didn't miss how she avoided saying Hogwarts and he didn't miss that he was called back to housesit which was a ridiculous concept anyway. There was nothing in the house worth taking. He nodded. "I'll be fine. I'll write you when I'm get back."

"Am I the only one who gives a shite about not cocking-up a schedule? It's bollocks…" Tobias yelled from the car, not caring that the entire street could hear him.

"I'd better go. Take care," Eileen sighed, putting her hand lightly on Severus' cheek before she hurried out the door.

Severus leaned against the open doorway and watched the car pull out. Neither figure looked back. The smell of flowers kept him from dwelling on the brief conversation. "I guess we won't have to explain you bringing a girl home," she teased softly.

Severus turned toward her voice and watched as the charm faded from her form and again, he felt the first real urge to smile. Was it possible that he might enjoy a holiday for the first time in memory?

He should have known better than to hope.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Severus shut the door and looked at Lily. "I'd offer you a tour, but there's not much to see. I'll just take you downstairs; you'll stay in my room."

He was feeling awkward again. She was used to nice things and this shack was so far from nice. He tried no to let himself think about what her stay would have been like if she'd made it to Potter's. He closed his eyes briefly and forced that thought from his head. He would not think about _him_ right now.

Lily had been trying to be nice, so he tried to return the favor, cracking a rare smile, he held out his hand. "May I take your bags madam?"

Lily laughed. It was a beautiful sound. She pulled the tiny trunks from the pocket of her jeans and dropped them in his hand. He found the small handles and did his best imitation of his guess of a butler. "Right this way."

He wasn't as embarrassed by his room as he was the rest of the house. He'd been given the basement level and a few old pieces of furniture, a dresser, a bed, a couch, a radio, a bookshelf, a desk, all pieces that Tobias had been ready to throw out but Snape had taken them to the basement. Because of his trace, he'd been careful to practice minor spells and only when his mother was home and Tobias was not, but eventually, he'd used minor magic to repair broken pieces, change paint colors, or generally spruce up the pieces. There were more complicated spells that could make the furniture look as though it had appeared from a palace, but that would be horribly out of place and he had a feeling seeing it in the basement of this place would only make him more depressed.

For now, he was content with the flat like appearance he'd given the room, but suddenly he was apprehensive. As far as he knew, Lily was the first person to ever see his handiwork. He'd put a Muggle repelling charm on the staircase so anytime Tobias started to come down the stairs, he forgot what he'd wanted. It hadn't taken long for him to adjust and just bellow for Severus from the upper floor. Eileen had wanted him to have a more grown up space and she tried to respect that, as far as Severus knew, she'd never been down here either.

With his hands behind his back, he paused and allowed Lily to pass.

She looked around the space. "Did you transfigure all of this?"

Of course she'd notice right away, the space was very different from the rest of the house.

He nodded slowly, pressing his lips together, waiting for her judgment. "This is impressive Sev. I remember that couch."

He looked at the piece in confusion. When had she seen it before?

Lily smiled gently and walked over to the piece and sat down. "I remember watching the day they moved in. Petunia was sick so I was outside by myself. We couldn't have been more than six or seven at the time. I remember watching you and I wanted to come see if you wanted to play but then one of the movers—"

"Tripped over one of my toys and Tobias threw it away and started yell," Severus finished dryly.

Lily nodded. "Doesn't seem like much has changed."

"No, he still doesn't like anything." His words were hollow sounding but he didn't know what else to tell her. He certainly didn't want to discuss Tobias any longer.

"I want to thank you for offering me a place to stay. After everything that…well…no one would have blamed you if you hadn't."

Severus leaned back against the wall and ran his fingers through his hair. "Seemed like the right thing to do."

Lily smiled then glanced around the room. "Do you have an owl?"

That's right, she was going to write to McGonagall. He shook his head. "Tobias doesn't exactly approve of magic or anything that reminds him of it. I usually use the school owls if I need one and even then I send it to Mom at work."

"Oh," Lily said, frowning. "I guess I'll go to Diagon Alley tomorrow, or I could see about getting a room in Hogsmead—"

"I'll go with you," he said quickly. "And you can stay here as long as you need. They'll be gone for days." Before she could argue or say something to the contrary, he stood up. "I'll be upstairs, help yourself to anything you need. I'll be back in a little bit."

Lily stood up and stretched, she really couldn't believe she was here. She couldn't believe her family was just down the road and she wasn't welcome to see them. Well, not the entire family, just her sister and Vernon. It hadn't been worth even trying to be under the same roof with them. She couldn't believe that she'd gotten into _another_ fight with James. She really did care about him, but sometimes he was just so infuriating.

He was intelligent but he didn't work to his full potential. He usually did just what he needed to pass a class.

That had been what had started their whole fight. She had been telling him that she wanted at least two hours a day for studying for their N.E.W.T. exams and he'd laughed at her. He'd said they weren't that important and she should learn to relax. Then he made a remark about people who spent all their time in dungeons studying and how they'd have nothing to show for it.

Though she still had trouble dealing with the fact that her _best friend_ had announced to a courtyard full of people what he'd really thought about her, she just couldn't handle James mocking him _all the time_. Until today, she hadn't had a kind thought about Severus, but she had a reason.

Severus had taken her number one insecurity, the thing he knew she often hated most about herself, and he's thrown it in her face when she'd been trying to help him. It wasn't just the name. Sure, James and his crew thought that that was what had done it, but it's started before that. She couldn't stand watching Severus become more and more sullen and he stuck closer and closer to people like Lucius, Avery, Mulciber and the others. There were stories about the older ones meeting up with people in Hogsmead and every time she saw him with that crowd in the small village it felt like someone was ripping away a small piece of her soul. When she was with Severus in the hallway and one of his friends saw them, they would say awful things. Severus always tried to shut them up, but the comments were derogatory and always made her feel like she needed a bath.

Then there was that day. The disgust on his face and in his voice. She'd felt something snap inside of her. Gone was the gentle, shy—and yet damaged—boy that had worked to explain their world to her. Gone was the boy who seemed to cling to her as though looking for just a ray of hope. Her friend had been replaced with some who was consumed with this hatred for Muggles and apparently for who she really was.

Lily pulled her trunks from her pocket and brought them back to full size.

On the train there had been moments, brief flashes of the boy she used to know.

What if she didn't go back to school? What if she stayed with him and reminded him who he really was? Would she be able to convince him to turn away from what he was doing?

Would she be able to make him back into hers?

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Alethea27 - some this will be very nice, others are going to test them in ways they didn't expect…

Inphemera – just wait!


	5. Chapter 5

"Shit," Severus hissed, dropping hot skillet onto the stove. The pot holder had slipped causing the pan and the pancake to clatter to the floor.

He stooped to pick up the pan and glanced quickly toward the basement door. He'd cast _muffliato _before he went to sleep last night, wanting to make sure Lily got plenty of sleep. His listened to the still of the house and decided she hadn't been woken up yet.

He looked at the stove and frowned. He had all the ingredients, all he had to do was flick his wand and make it magically delicious but he really wanted to do this on his own without magic.

Irritated at himself, he tossed the spatula onto the stove top and ran his fingers through his hair. Why did this woman make him crazy? It wasn't like there would be some kind of benefit to making the food on his own. She wouldn't know either well. _Well, it was Lily, she might know,_ he thought smirking. But she would still need to eat.

He glared at the skillet and picked up the bowl of batter again. He just _wanted_ to be able to make it on his own. So when she ate it, and enjoyed it, he could have the simple pleasure of knowing that he had taken a first hand part in her joy.

With a stubborn determination that was all his own, he carefully poured more of the mixture into the skillet, listening to the pop and fizzles of the butter in the pan.

A couple of tries later, he had golden, fluffy pancakes stacked on a plate. He glanced at the clock on the wall, ripped off the stained apron he was wearing, and grabbed two plates from the cabinet. The kitchen was small and dingy, but there was round table next to the window that overlooked the back yard and beyond that the edge of the woods.

He put the plates onto the table, added two tall glasses, then forks. It seemed to be missing something. Pulling on the back door, he shoved his hair away from his eyes and hurried down the stairs and across the yard. Wildflowers (which were probably weeds) grew new the roots of some trees and he hurriedly picked several then tromped back into the house, please to see that she hadn't woken up yet. He grabbed a third glass, this time a faded coffee mug, added some water, placed his flowers inside then added his new centerpiece.

He pursed his lips. It was definitely too much. He was picking up the mug of weeds when he heard the familiar creak of the basement door. Blanching just a little, he tossed the mug into the trash and turned to face her, his face reflexively breaking into a grin as he saw her. "Morning."

"Hi. Something smells good."

She looked wonderful. Her red hair was thick and fell in waves around her face. Her bright green eyes danced in the morning sunlight. Severus was suddenly possessed by the urge to reach up and touch her hair. He could feel a blush rising to his cheeks and look down at the ground.

"What was that?"

She'd interpreted his blush incorrectly and was trying to peer inside the trash can.

"Nothing," he said quickly. "I chipped a mug."

"You could have repaired it, Sev," she laughed gently.

His stupid heart did a stupid little flip at her laugh.

"I hated that mug anyway," he said smoothly. It was actually one of Tobias' favorites, so he had to make a mental note to fish it out when she wasn't in the room. "Anyway, are you hungry?"

For the first time she noticed the table. "Wow."

"I hope you like pancakes," he said, picking up the plate from the stove.

"Oh, thanks. You know, cereal would have been fine. You didn't have to go through any trouble."

He smile and shook his head, trying not to squeeze too tightly on the plate with his burned hand. "Wasn't any trouble."

They ate peacefully, Lily complimenting his food and discussing spells they'd had difficulty mastering before their NEWT exams.

"You know what I would really like to do?" Lily asked, leaning conspiratorially across the table.

Severus leaned closer, not really sure why she was lowering her voice but enjoying himself too much to burst the bubble. "What?"

"I want to sneak into that blasted green house, get ahold of—"

"That one that keeps—"

"Taking chunks out of us—"

"Every time we try to get a sample—"

"And turn it into fertilizer for all of the other plants!"

Severus laughed. It was a hearty chuckle that echoed off the close walls of the kitchen. Lily was laughing so hard tears were slipping down her cheeks.

"I thought I was the only one who hated that thing," she snorted.

Severus shook his head. "Everyone else is too damned afraid to get near it to really hate it."

Lily finished chuckling and glanced at the clock. "Oh wow, it's close to noon, let me help you clean up, then we'll go to Diagon Alley." She stood up and picked up her plate and glass and started to the sink.

The lightheartedness had been sucked from the room. She was already ready to pack up and escape. Severus sighed heavily and stood up also.

Lily put his dishes into the sink and turned to face him, her forehead creasing when she saw his expression.

"What's wrong, Sev?"

_I hate the thought of you leaving. I want you to stay here. I know if you go back then we'll go right back to the way we were. _"Nothing," he said, his voice a little gruffer than he intended.

Lily pursed her lips and continued to study him. She pursed her lips into a thin line and leaned back against the sink. "Why don't we hold off on Diagon Alley?"

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Well, I just realized, it's a Saturday morning after the start of a Holiday. It will probably be horribly crowded and all the small children running around…Maybe we'll go later this evening when things calm down."

She still wanted to leave, but not until later. Severus nodded. "We could always see how good you are at shield charms."

"You know I'm better than you Sev," Lily said, her eyes sparkling with the challenge.

He picked up his wand with a grin. It seemed as though—for a just a few hours—he would get what he had been wanting desperately for the past to year, just to be with her and to see her smile. For the first time, in a long time, he felt truly happy.

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This is a bit fluffy for my normal style, but I just felt that they needed some time. Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for reading this far! I'm enjoying this little adventure with these two and I hope you are too. I'd love to hear some feedback!

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Lily closed the book and glanced at the ceiling. The sound of the water rushing through the pipes echoed through the empty house. After several hours of back and forth with defensive magic, jinxes, hexes, and anything else they could think of to throw at each other. Sev had needed a break when she'd broken through his shield charm and sent him back into a shelf in the kitchen spilling all sorts liquids down his back.

Lily looked around the living room and stood up, stretching her arms above her head. She could only imagine the mess he was dealing with trying to get all of that stuff out of his hair. He'd been a decent sport, only threatening her with something far worse…that he would think of in the shower.

Lily glanced at the clock on the wall, amazed at much time had passed. It was already early evening. If she wanted to go to Diagon Alley, they would need to leave as soon as Sev finished his shower.

Pursing her lips, she picked up the books they had scattered and took them down to the basement. She was still very impressed with what he'd done with his magic. She dropped the books onto the couch and glanced around the room. Sev was going to get so much grief for the amount of time he'd spent in the shower…

Lily stood up and crossed the room to the dresser and knelt to inspect it. The charm was beautiful; bringing the colors of the wood to a brilliant sheen. Wanting to test the strength of the charm and examine it further, she opened a drawer and peered inside.

A grin immediately spread across her face. He was a typical guy, the inside of the drawer didn't match the rest of the dresser, the back of the drawer was faded and scratched. Lily cocked her head to the side and leaned closer.

No.

It wasn't scratched. It was _gouged_. Someone had taken some kind of blade and forced it deep into the wood.

A chill ran up Lily's spine as she looked at all of the marks, there were so many all over the back of the drawer. She pushed the drawer to shut it but it didn't slide easily as though she'd pulled it off its track. Frowning, Lily shoved just a little harder and heard a clunk of something in the back of the drawer. She eased the drawer open again and saw a small mahogany box had pushed some of the t-shirts to the front.

Lifting the box from the drawer, she peered closely. Thin vines were carved into the top of the box lid around the edge meeting at a small gold lock. Lily pulled on the top and felt resistance. Without hesitating, she flicked her wand and the lid popped open.

She didn't know what she had been expecting, but it wasn't what she found.

On top of folded-yellowed pieces of paper was a dried flower. It was the same kind that grew in the grove of trees near the playground, the ones she'd been playing with when she first met him. She gently moved the dried flower to the top of the dresser then she pulled out a piece of paper.

She instantly recognized the childish drawing, the castle which at the time had just been a figment of her imagination, a hope from an eight-year-old little girl who had been told about a magical school and hoped deep within her heart that she hadn't been lied to.

She briefly glanced at the other pieces of paper inside the box, pressing her fingers to her lips as though she was trying to hold in the emotion that was threatening to break through to the surface. He still had these. These useless, meaningless things that she had probably tried to throw away had been valuable enough to him to keep.

Lily thought of the scene that had greeted him when they'd returned from Hogwarts; it hadn't seemed worth wanting to remember. Maybe that was the reason. He had so few _good_ things to remember…

"Lily…"

_Damn that muffiiato charm_, she swore. There was no point in trying to hide it, she was caught red handed.

"You kept this stuff," she said softly, turning to look at him.

Severus came down the stairs. Lily felt her breath hitch in her throat. He was barefoot, wearing dark blue jeans and a fitted-sleeveless undershirt with a towel draped around his shoulders. His hair was still damp from his shower and hung like a black curtain around his face. He suddenly looked so grown up—nothing like the young boy that was planted so firmly in her mind.

"Yeah," he said, gently raising his shoulders in a shrug.

Her eyes met his and she couldn't make her brain form words. As she stared into the deep, dark pools, she felt a tug deep within her core. She wanted to say something, something witty, something to break the silence, something to make him stop looking at her that way.

But she could think of nothing.

Then she suddenly didn't want to.

There was a warmth radiating from the boy—no, not a boy, but a man—in front of her. Something that pulled her to him. She tightened her fingers round the piece of paper and inhaled deeply. The give of the thin material under her fingers brought her attention to the present, to the here a now.

"I'm sorry that I got into it," she started, ignoring the voice in her head that asked if she really was. "I was trying to examine the charm you used on this dresser and I guess I shook it loose."

"You needed to inspect my transfiguration?" He smirked. "Slamming me into a kitchen shelf wasn't enough to convince you that I may need some practice?"

Self-deprecation, she could handle this better than that _look. _Lily made a face. "Well, if you were able to cast a decent shield charm…"

"If you were to fight fair."

"Do you think that the—examiners will fight fair?" She hope that he would let that one slip; that he wouldn't realize what she'd been about to say and that it wouldn't ruin their time together just yet.

Lily froze, realizing what she'd just been thinking. She hadn't said their trip to Diagon Alley. And now that she really thought about it, she didn't want to go to Diagon Alley at all.

She wanted to stay here.

With him.

As long as she could.

_Oh bloody hell,_ what the hell was she thinking?

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Please review!


	7. Chapter 7

I may need to change the rating within the next couple of chapters as things start to heat up. Hope you all enjoy what you read and please remember to review! (It makes me really happy!)

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The owl landed on the back porch and pecked impatiently on the window. Severus looked up from his cup of coffee and the muscles down his back tightened. He hadn't slept well the night before. The proximity to Lily was almost intoxicating him and he half expected her to run into his room in the middle of the night and demand to be taken to Diagon Alley.

He glanced at the staircase to the basement then hurried to the backdoor. The eagle owl narrowed its large eyes at him and gave an indignant hoot. The feathery mass probably wasn't used to delivering letters in such squalid conditions. He reached for the owl's leg and received a sharp nip for his trouble. With an impatient huff, he untied the letter and shooed the creature from the railing.

His heart was racing as he looked at the yellowed scroll in his hands. His chest began rising and falling in in quick sharp breaths. Uneasy, he looked up into the trees that lined the backyard. He no longer felt comfortable outside; he was too exposed. Clutching the letter, he shouldered his way through the door back into the tiny kitchen.

"Morning," Lily said, smiling almost shyly at him.

Severus felt the tightness in his shoulders melt as he looked at her beautiful smiling face. She was wearing faded jeans and a pale blouse that hugged her beautiful figure. "Morning. How did you sleep?"

"With my eyes closed," she grinned. "You're up early."

"I had some things on my mind," he answered, discreetly folding the letter and shoving his hands into his pocket.

"Are you hungry?" Lily asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. The knot in his stomach from the arrival of the scroll and morphed into some kind of twisting mess now that he was so close to her again, that he wasn't sure if he was hungry.

"How about I make French Toast?"

He managed a nod. Lily rewarded him with a broad smile. "I need just a minute," he muttered softly.

"You're not going to get in the shower are you?"

Severus raised his eyebrows as he turned. "I hadn't planned on it."

"I wanted to make sure that I could start now because if last night was any example then breakfast would be stone cold by the time you got out."

Severus shook his head. "I'll only be a moment."

He turned and hurried down the stairs, pulling the letter from his pocket only when he knew the door had closed behind him.

He unrolled the flattened scroll and raked his eyes over the jagged ink lines on the parchment.

_It is tonight. _

He raised his eyes to the ceiling and took a deep breath. Not tonight. Why the fuck did it have to be tonight.

Severus crumpled the note and shoved it into his pocket. His clenched fist pressed it into his temple. He couldn't get out of it. If he didn't show up then…he wasn't going to think about what would happen if he didn't.

Suddenly, the air seemed too heavy and the walls seemed too close. Pressure was building in his body and he needed to get away. He shoved the letter back into his pockets and pounded up the stairs. "Lily," he called.

Her red hair was twisted back away from her face, a few stray strands hung by her ears. She looked beautiful.

"Put the eggs up," he said. His voice was gruff, strained.

Bright green eyes grew wide at the odd request. "What's wrong?"

"We need to go. Put the eggs up." The kitchen felt too small, he wanted out of the house now.

She wanted to say more maybe even to question him. He could see that in the challenge in her eyes, the way she bit her lip and the way her arms locked, but thankfully she didn't say anything else. She put the eggs back into the refrigerator and turned to face him. "Where are we going?"

Without thinking, without words, he grasped her hand tightly in his own and pulled her to him, spinning on the spot. The ridiculous pressure of the apparition spell was almost too much for him but at the same time, exactly what he needed. For the second it took to travel he held her close and inhaled the sweet floral scent.

Suddenly, there was hard ground beneath his feet. As quickly as he'd grabbed her, he let her go pushing her small frame away from him.

Lily's breathing sounded a little ragged, no doubt a result of the sudden changes he'd just forced them through.

He looked around, almost surprised where they'd landed. It was incredibly foolish to apparate like he'd just done. He was unfocused and far too reckless. If something had happened to her he'd never be able to forgive himself. Trying to settle his nerves he glanced up to meet her eyes.

She looked fine but angry.

He felt his heart give an ungraceful flip in his chest. This was the Lily he knew. The fiery redhead with a temper that wouldn't put up with his shit.

"What the hell is going on, Severus?"

He almost felt relieved that the nice pretense was gone. As much as he'd enjoyed it, it was too much of a show. It didn't feel like them. Not after everything they'd been through. "I needed out."

"Why, why did you need out? And you bloody couldn't tell me? Just grab me an apparate somewhere? This isn't okay, Severus! Where the hell am I?" She glared around the grove trying to find a landmark that she knew.

Severus stepped back to a large tree trunk that rested on the ground. "We're at an old cabin my mother took me to once before I started Hogwarts."

Lily raised her perfectly arched eyebrows. "And why are we here?"

"I told you," he said, struggling to keep his voice even. "I needed to get out."

"Do you think I'm an idiot? You wouldn't just freak-out and go for no reason," she snapped, stepping closer. "What happened?"

He hesitated, for a foolish moment he even considered telling her. Reality settled in and he shook his head. "I got a message and I needed a break. I needed a moment out of _that place_."

He must have put enough venom into his voice that she looked pacified, if only just for now.

"I brought you here because I remember this as one of the few places I enjoyed. The cabin is empty now and the nights are almost as beautiful are they are at Hogwarts."

Lily was still glaring at him, but she almost seemed to be softening. "Is the cabin that way?"

He nodded and she turned and started down the path.

Severus inhaled the crisp air through this nose and slowly out of his mouth. He watched the young woman walking away from him. The perfect sway of her hips was almost enough to take his mind off of this evening.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Taking his mind off of it wouldn't be enough. In just over twelve hours he would need to apparate without Lily wanting to follow him and he had no idea if he would be able to immediately come back to her.

He was a damned fool. He should have taken her immediately to the Post and allowed her to send the letter. Hell, he should have written the damn thing for her. But he was selfish and now here she was.

He brought her so close to the flames of his world, a world that when it was only him it didn't matter who was burned.

He wasn't going to let it touch her. He couldn't. Not now. Not when things had finally started to begin to go well. He didn't know if he could handle the hurt of not having her any longer.

He would lie. He'd promised himself he wouldn't do that to her. But if he would have to do everything he could just to make sure that she believed him, that for just tonight, she would forgot it and simply enjoy the lie.

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What do you think? Be sure to drop me a line!


	8. Chapter 8

Severus knew the dangers of perfection, and he had never considered that he would ever experience a day that was perfect, but after his day with Lily at the lake was pretty damn close. Probably the closest he would ever be to perfect as long as he didn't think about that evening.

They swam in the lake. They found a rope swing and swung until their arms couldn't hold them up anymore. Lily squealed like a small child when she caught a fish. She found fruit and they ate a picnic in a clearing. And now with the sun dropping behind the horizon, they sat stoking a small campfire.

He looked up and met her eyes. The warm glow of the fire danced across her porcelain skin, the warm reds of her hair glinted and she looked beautiful, sexy, and powerful. He could feel the warmth spreading through his body and it wasn't from the proximity to the fire.

"What did you think of today?" He asked, poking the fire with a stick.

Lily smiled and nodded. "Despite a rough start, this has been an enjoyable day."

Severus nodded and forced himself to yawn. "I think the swing wore me out."

Lily laughed. "It was pretty interesting when your hand slipped."

Severus moaned and leaned back, rubbing the spot on his back where he had done a spectacular back-buster onto the surface of the water. "I suppose you won't be letting me forget about that?"

Lily grinned. "Not likely."

Severus chuckled and shook his head. He leaned forward, resting on his knees as he drank in her beautiful features. The knotting apprehension that he had managed to keep at bay throughout the activities of the day was starting to edge ever closer as he was unable to deny the time.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

Lily nodded, "I wouldn't mind eating."

Severus smiled and glanced at the cabin. "I'll be right back."

He quickly walked up the path; his brain now tweaking and twisting scenarios to get himself away from her without arousing Lily's suspicion. The obvious solution was to make a potion to knock her out and keep her safe. He knew that attending this meeting would be something that would more than strain their already tenuous relationship, but he didn't want to completely destroy it by slipping her something. At least if he crept out or lied he would only be putting himself in danger. And she really gave up the right to get mad at him for that a long time ago. There was nothing in the cabin, he should have known that before he started. He came back to her empty handed.

"No longer a savant in the kitchen?" Lily teased.

He smirked. She seemed to make him do that frequently. "Pancakes may have been my limit." Severus knew him time was dwindling. "Well, the flaw in my plan is showing. There is nothing edible in the kitchen. Why don't you hang out for a little bit? I'll apparate to the town that is just a little ways away and grab us some things to eat."

The unfamiliar twinge of guilt pulled at his stomach. When he left he would leave her sitting for possibly hours without nothing to eat while waiting on him.

"If it's not Defense or Potions you don't pay attention in class do you? You're just as bad as—" She cut herself off as she stood up and gave her wand a flick. Suddenly, a cluster of green vegetation was zooming toward them. Lily caught the food easily, smiled at him, and then hurried to the water's edge to clean her catch.

His resolve was weakening again. Maybe if he was to just tell her. She was brilliant, probably the closest to his intellect in their year. As the idea was starting to take on more appeal in his mind he shook his head. He couldn't put her in that kind of danger. The less she knew the better.

"While I have no reason to doubt your talents, I'll still head to town and get a few things for us so we don't have to worry about such a fresh breakfast."

Before Lily could argue—before he could change his mind—he spun on the spot and vanished.

His world closed in around him, squeezing him and shoving him through space and time. His feet soon found purchase on hard stone and he looked at the towering house on the cliff side. He'd apparated correctly. The town was small and quiet at night. All of the store shops were closed for the evening or borded up. He looked again to the large house on the hill, like a dark figure from a gothic story keeping a terrifying watch on the small town.

A thrill ran through Severus' body as he looked for the street sign then started down the cobbled street.

"Where the hell have you been?" a voice hissed from the darkness just beyond the last houses. A bundle of clothes were shoved into his arms. Severus took only moments to yank the fabric over his head; his eyes adjusting to the near darkness. Figures were slowly coming into view. How many of them were there? Ten? Fifteen?

He pulled his own hood up and over his head, pulling it low over his eyes and keeping his head toward the ground like the other figures. Like the figure that had first approached him in Hogsmead. Through his dark eyelashes he could tell subtle difference though, the individuals that made of the circle had nothing covering their faces but the heavy hoods; he could see pale chins and stubble and even short beards. But there were the others. The ones that stood on the outside of the circle. They still wore hoods but beneath their hoods was just a shiny black mask.

Too close there was the sound of another apparition. The group froze for a moment, waiting.

"You think that you are worthy," the new figure wheezed. The words were whispered and Severus wasn't sure but if he had to guess he would say that the voice was that of a woman. "You know nothing of worth!"

She said something else and he felt the sharp slash across his forearm. He apparently wasn't the only one. Other members of the group let out hisses of pain. He slowly curled and uncurled the fingers of his right arm, a move that would only encourage the blood flow but he was sure that was what they wanted.

Another hooded figure appeared before them and pressed a small bowl or goblet to the same spot in each of their arms. The moves were perfectly syndicated. Even pressure applied just below the new cut and a vicious squeeze above it to get enough of their blood. When the circuit had been made words were murmured over the goblet, something added, and a dark twisting figure curled in the smoke.

The woman waved her hand. "You know why you are here. You think that you can be part of something that is much larger than you can ever hope to be in your pathetic lives. While there are many of you that no doubt have skills, or abilities, talents will not get you far. You must know first and foremost that you are dispensable. You have nothing that we cannot find in another. To be considered you must provide a reason to notice you."

He was sure that the pounding in his chest would draw unwanted attention. Was he excited? The _need _to prove himself—to _prove_ that he was better than what everyone thought—surged through his veins.

"We have no use for those unable to follow orders. You orders are simple. Prove your worth, or—"

He wasn't expecting the curse. Even if he had been he wouldn't have been able to fight, not in these woods and not surrounded some of the darkest wizards of his time.

With the force of a train, the curse slammed into his body. Instant pain. Everywhere. He couldn't think. He couldn't move. It was all he could do to lock his jaw to prevent himself from screaming. His muscles contorted, pulling in, trying to escape the burn of the fire that felt as though a white hot poker was trying to sear his muscles from his bones.

The woman _laughed_. The curse lifted. "Only seconds and look how he crumbles. And I wasn't even trying. If you think you are worthy of serving _him_ then you have to prove yourselves."

There was a dangerous note in her voice.

Though his body still screamed with pain, Severus' hand was inching toward his wand. With his torture the atmosphere was charged.

"We have no use for weaklings." She was backing away. The other larger hooded figures that had been outside the ring were gone now. "No one can dissapparte from within this grove. Use intelligence. Those who survive you will be notified of the next meeting."

Then she was gone. And the world around him exploded into hell.

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I promised myself I wouldn't but that's like saying I won't torture characters...let me know what you think! Please review!


	9. Chapter 9

Lily wrung her hands anxiously and paced in front of the dying fire that she'd made closer to the cabin. She finally walked over and sat on the steps, rocking back and forth to try and calm herself. Severus had been gone for hours. She didn't know where he'd vanished, she didn't know how to find him, and she didn't know if he was okay.

She fought with building anger—total fury, really—at his abandonment while she was in the middle of the woods. There was also a twisting worry for Severus that helped to quell the anger, just a little. It just didn't make sense that after the past three days that he would just vanished.

But Severus didn't make sense. Alone with her, he was considerate, kind, caring…but then at school he was selfish, brutal, and fixated on dark magic.

Part of her hated him for that. Who was he really? Was the he man he was with her? That's what she wanted to believe. But if he really was that good man, why did he find it so easy to slip away? Wasn't the definition of a good man someone that was able to stand up in the face of adversity?

Lily let out a frustrated groan and raked her fingers through her hair.

Suddenly, the air around her changed. The wind—wind that was too strong to be natural—ruffled her hair. She grabbed her wand and stood, frantically looking around. Black strands whipped through the air, coming together into a black cloud on the porch, then the smoke dissipated and Severus' crumpled form sprawled on the warped wood.

Survival instinct took over. She froze, her wand raised as she waited for the attack. "Sev!" She yelled, her eyes raking the area, looking desperately for whatever had done this to him. For several painstaking moments the night was too still. Deciding she couldn't wait any longer, Lily lunged forward and knelt by his side. "Sev," she said grabbing his shoulder.

He didn't move. She grabbed his arm and felt the warm stickiness of fresh blood. Her heart seemed to stop in her chest. She pulled him onto his back and felt his neck for a pulse. It was there but it was faint.

His appearance terrified her; one of his eyes was blackened, gashes were across his forehead and cheek, his lip was split, and she was pretty sure his hair was clumped with more blood.

"Sev," she said softly. He didn't respond. She willed away panic and tried to focus.

There was so much blood. She didn't know very many healing spells, but she knew a couple from patching James up after matches.

Standing, she flicked her wand and levitated his lifeless form off the porch through the cabin and into the bathroom. As gently as she could she eased him into the bathtub.

Now was not the time for modesty to become her concern, but her fingers hesitated at the dark robes he was wearing. Where the hell did he get these? Brushing aside her concern, she used a spell to cut away the robe then felt her stomach sink lower as she look at the shirt beneath, plastered to his chest by a dark substance.

She didn't trust her now trembling hand to be as efficient at cutting away this fabric so close to his skin, but she needed to see where the damage really was. She knelt next to the tub and grabbed the hem of his shirt.

A pained moan came from his mouth as her fingers brushed over his skin. "You're going to be okay, Sev. I just need to get this off. I need to see what I'm dealing with."

The fabric was drenched. His skin was clammy. Lily reached around his body, trying to peel the shirt up his lean back.

"Sev, wake up. Come on, I don't know if I can do this," she whispered softly, finally getting the material over his shoulders then his head.

Her breath caught in her throat, his chest was stained dark red, blue, and black. Her heart sank as she examined the mutilation of his skin, realized for the first time that his pant legs were battered and torn also.

"What the hell happened to you," she cried. She grabbed the faucet knob and turned it on, not caring anymore that she didn't have all of his clothes off. She had to wash away the blood. She had to be able to focus. With trembling hands she scooped water on his chest, washing away the stuff that had not dried yet. She looked around for something to use as a rag. Her options were limited. There was the robe she'd ripped off but it was no doubt soaked with blood also and that would just make it look worse. She settled on his t-shirt, grabbing the thin fabric and using the slashes in the material as starting points for her own tears. When she had several strips, she dunked her hands into the water and brought the rag to his chest, gently cleaning him the best he could.

Tending to James had never been this bad. He'd had cuts, scrapes, and bruises, but Severus looked as though someone had attacked him with a knife—a large knife —the wounds were deep and she could feel her skin crawl as she tried to seal them. The spell wasn't great, it was not for wounds this deep, but it seemed to be doing the job. The skin pulled together, not healing completely like James' shallow wounds, but still, he wasn't bleeding into the water any longer.

"Lily," Severus moaned, slowly moving his head.

She gently cupped the side of his face. "I'm right here, Sev."

His head lulled gently to the side again.

Lily looked down at the red water and turned the knob for more; she had to get rid of this red. She scooped handful after handful of water onto his head until the clean water from the faucet ran cleanly down his shoulder. She looked at his pants and felt her stomach give another unhelpful twist.

"Get over it, Evans," she snapped at her felt. Her fingers grabbed the button of his jeans. She slid the button free and glanced at his face, then she pulled on the zipper.

Severus moaned softly and she felt his hand brush hers. "No," he groaned.

She looked eagerly at his face, but his hand fell away and his eyes remained closed.

"Tough luck, Severus Snape," she growled, pulling the heavy denim from his hips. She fought with the material and his leaden legs, finally freeing him, leaving his boxers in place.

There were gashes to his legs too, but they didn't seem as severe as the ones to his chest. She waved her wand over the lacerations on his legs then turned off the water.

She rocked back, resting on her heels and took in his form. She couldn't leave him in the tub but with the wounds so tentatively healed, she didn't exactly want to move him and risk tearing them opening again.

Her eyes drifted across his body, for the first time realizing the slightly raised lighter marks across his chest. She leaned forward again, her fingers tracing over thin white scars.

Suddenly, his hand clasped firmly around her own. Lily's breath caught in her throat and her eyes darted to his face.

His right eye was nearly swollen shut but he was staring intently at her. "Don't," he said harshly.

Why did she absolutely hate when he gave her a command? The way his tone turned so incredibly nasty…Her muscles tightened and she wanted to yell at him. He was the fool who had left her in the middle of nowhere then shown back up covered in his own blood. Didn't he realize she'd just spent an hour trying to stich him back together?

Before she could really work herself up, he let go of her hand and grasped the side of the tub, trying to sit up.

"Take it easy," she said, her hand frozen in midair from when she'd started to place it on his chest to push him back down.

"I'm cold," he said softly, his voice rough.

Lily looked around the bathroom, then back to him. "I don't have any towels," she said, helplessly.

He grunted and pulled his legs to his body, standing up.

Lily had the strong urge to smack him. He was so damn stubborn.

He swayed uneasily on his feet as he glanced around the bathroom. "There used to be some blankets in the hall closest."

"Hold still, I'll go check," she said softly. She knew there was a spell to help dry him and his soaked jeans so he could have some kind of clothing to wear, but again, she didn't trust her hands which seemed to be trembling worse now with his injured body.

She walked quickly down the hall, her mind drifting back to the scars across his chest. Were they healed remnants of a similar event? She flung open the door and was surprised to actually see several blankets. She grabbed one from the shelf and gave it a rough shake.

From down the hall, there was a heavy thud and the rickety floor boards shuddered.

Lily cursed and flew back down the hall. She flung open the door, brandishing her wand again. Severus was crumpled in a heap on the floor. She didn't know if she should be relieved that he was still alone and it wasn't his attacker returning to finish him off or pissed off that the stubborn ass didn't listen to her.

"Sev, are you okay?" She called, kneeling next to him.

He moaned and tried to sit up. "Will you let me help you."

"I'm all right," he insisted.

"Like hell you are. Now put your damn arm around me and let me help you to the bedroom." she snapped, grabbing his arm.

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I'm really grateful to have so many Favs and Alerts! I'd love to hear any feedback from you. What do you like/dislike about this story? Why did you add it to your favorites? Do you have any thoughts in general? Why do you keep coming back?


	10. Chapter 10

Is it sad that I rate the quality of the story by the number of reviews? I know there are the silent readers, but some part of my mind insists that if there aren't many reviews that means the story isn't that great. Help me change my mind! Please review!

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Severus was leaning on Lily's small frame and she was struggling to keep them both upright, but she was also determined that he would not fall. She tightened her grip around his waist and heard his responding groan. _Shit_, she must have gotten that bruise on his side. She moved her hand lower, grasping the waistband of his jeans and holding him up as they shuffled down the hallway.

Kicking the bedroom door open with her foot, she steered him to the single bed that had clearly seen better days. She turned him and gently lowered him onto the mattress, it creaking under his weight. Severus' stoic face remained locked in place by the thin lines of his lips so he did not reveal the amount of pain he was in.

"Come on, lie down," she said softly.

"Wait…I just need a sec," he said softly, his words barely heard above his ragged breathing. His hand had wrapped around hers and he was leaning too far off the bed.

Afraid that he might topple over, Lily gently switched hands and moved in front of him so if he did fall forward, he would lean against her.

Onyx pools peered up at her from the dark, damp curtain of his hair. "Do you know that you're beautiful?"

Her first instinct was to laugh, but she couldn't; he was just too pitiful. His eyes were struggling to stay open and his words were slurred.

"Sev, I think you need to lie down."

He started to protest, but she moved to the side and used her position to force him back onto the bed. As nearly unconscious as he was, he didn't let go of her hands.

"Don't leave me, Lily," he said. Her heart twinged at the pitiful request. The desperation and the need in his voice was almost too much to handle.

"I'll be right here all night, Sev," she said softly, gently squeezing his hand. She sat on the small space of the bed next to him and gently brushed the black strands away from his face.

She wasn't going to leave him. Not even to find a more comfortable sleeping position. She was very curious to know where he'd been, to know what he'd been doing, but those were questions to ask later. Right now, he needed her here and here she would stay.

Warm sunlight filtered through the grime covered window, falling across the dirty floorboards, the creaky bed, and the beautiful boy whose fingers were still intertwined with her own.

Lily shook her head as she sat up and tried to shake the sleep from her brain. She hadn't really thought that. Had she?

She looked down at Severus in the early morning light and truly studied him. He wasn't handsome in the traditional sense. His features were prominent and dark. His nose had more character than most of the boys at school, but there was something behind it all...She couldn't stop her eyes from traveling down his chest. The early light showed that he had healed a little but nothing like what she wanted. The red bruises had blossomed into patches of blue-black splotches all over his chest. The gashes she'd tried to heal looked as though the movement of his sleep had strained the tentative seal and that if he moved too much he could possibly split them open again.

Lily sighed. Though she didn't trust experimenting on him with more healing charms, she knew that she had a couple of dittany leaves and she could coax a healing potion from the supplies in her trunk if she could get them back there. Yes, she would only leave with him. Last time he was alone he'd nearly gotten himself killed…

Lily frowned, she'd intentionally avoided letting her mind wander down this path, but here she was again. What the hell had he done to deserve this?

Her mouth twisted a little as she looked closer at the thin white scars across his lean chest. These she had not healed. These were older and had been left to heal by natural means. A very negative part of her brain wanted labeled Sev as a "cutter" one of those in school who tended to hurt themselves for various dark reasons. Her fingers danced over the old scars covering his torso. Severus was not the most flexible person and reaching some of the places would require stretching that just wasn't possible, meaning these were not self-inflicted.

"Morning," his ragged voice broke through her dark thoughts.

Lily meet his eyes and forced herself to smile. "Good morning. Feeling any better?"

"Loads, in fact, I was thinking about taking a jog." He tried to sit up and she quickly placed her small palm onto his shoulder.

"Don't make me hex you."

"You are too busying feeling sorry for me to hurt me," he retorted, wincing as he settled back onto the mattress.

She wasn't going to tell him he was right. "You better pull yourself together; we are apparating back to your place."

He frowned and sighed.

"I don't want to hear a word. You terrified me last night, and I can't properly heal you here. At least at your place I can try to make a potion."

"Did you run out of spells?" he smiled weakly.

"Too concerned my desire to murder you will take over and make me do something I'd regret."

"I don't think you're that tough, Evans," he challenged. "But if you insist we go, I'm all yours."

"Don't push me, Severus." She shook her finger in his face and offered a quick smile before standing up. "I'm going to clean up from last night. Please just lie here and rest."

He made a face then gave her a relenting smile and settled back onto the pillows.

Lily hurried around the inside of the cabin, then outside to clean up their camp site. With a quick wave of her wand, she replaced the rocks and dispersed the cold remains of the fires.

Satisfied with the cleaning she'd done, she went back inside and smiled but started to roll her eyes as he was sitting up in the bed.

"You do not know how to listen," she scolded.

"I knew you were almost finished, so I started the very long process of getting out of bed."

"Maybe I want you in bed," Lily snapped, picking up the blanket and folding it. She realized what she'd said and her face burned. She promptly turned her back on him and busied herself folding the blanket. What was that? It was as though her mouth was no longer taking direction from her brain. She looked apprehensively at Severus. If the comment had registered with him, he didn't show it.

When the burn had receded from her cheeks she finally trusted herself to turn and look at him. "Ready to go?"

He was pale; obviously still weakened by his late night adventure, but he was smirking at her. So he'd noticed, but he wasn't saying anything. "Let's go."

Now embarrassed by her comment Lily came closer to him. "Apparation is hard on a healthy body, I'm going to put my arms around your neck and I want you to wrap your arms around my waist."

She could feel the blush returning but there wasn't anything she could do about it now.

"I'll be fine," he stated.

"Oh, for once, will you just shut up?" Lily said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

The moment her arms wrapped around the bare skin of his shoulders her own skin felt as though it had erupted into flames. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked up into the dark pools of his eyes.

Amusement danced in his tired eyes as he slid his arms around her waist. "I'm not going to break," he breathed softly, his breath warm on her face.

Lily felt her skin tingle and a strange tightening in her stomach. "It didn't seem that way last night."

The urge to stretch up onto her tip toes and kiss him (_on the cheek_, her subconscious insisted but she was pretty sure that wasn't where she would be aiming) rushed violently through her small body. Lily countered by spinning them suddenly, whipping them through time and space until they were back in his basement bedroom.

She stumbled briefly, her arms still locked around his neck. His arms tightened around her waist. His head was resting against hers.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly, her eyes raking over the exposed bit of skin she could see as she gently dragged her fingers down his arms. His wounds looked to be together still, but the ragged breaths were terrifying her.

"I've been better…"

"Then lie down, please, Sev," she said softly, taking a step back.

Suddenly his arms locked around her waist and with the little energy he possessed, he pulled her back to him. "Wait, Lily," he said softly.

She looked up, meting the heat and fire of his gaze. She felt a tingle dance down her spine, and she couldn't have stepped away if she wanted to. "You should lie down."

"I need to thank you for what you did."

"I couldn't lose you," she whispered. Her fingers were moving back up his arm, over the toned muscles that were always hidden beneath the bulk of his robes. She looked down at her fingers, the appendages that seemed to be moving of their own accord.

A smile curled the corners of his lips as he briefly closed his tired eyes.

Lily's fingers continued up his arm until her hands were resting on the back of his neck. Part of her brain warned her to stop now. To back away, to focus on the potion, to do something—anything—else, but she raised her eyes to meet his. "I lost you once and now that I have you back, I really don't know if I can handle losing you again."

Then she kissed him.

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Just a heads up: the rating may be changing for the next chapter...please review!


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you so much to the wonderful people who reviewed with such kind words! It's so awesome to know that someone else enjoys the random by-products of my brain! This chapter is longer than a typical one for me, and it's because I had such awesome motivation.

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Severus was sure that his heart was going to stop in his chest. It hammered against his ribcage and he found in hard to breathe.

Just as suddenly as she'd done it, Lily broke away from him, her face burning. "Y-you should rest."

He didn't want to rest, he wanted to pull her back into his arms and continue kissing her. But looking at the agony on her face, something inside him seemed to shatter. He nodded and backed away.

He knew that expression. He'd started at day after day after he'd called her that horrible name; the expression of regret. She hadn't meant to kiss him. The pity she had for him must have been what had done it. He struggled to keep his emotions in control. This is what he was good at, this is what he had practiced almost daily—perfect control over any emotion that could show that he was weak.

He turned his back on her and went over to his bed. Blood pounded in his head, making it throb. He wanted to lash out. There was a sound of gentle clinking , the soft clang of scales, and her soft murmuring.

Whatever potion she was trying to make didn't matter. If she was just going to reject him she might as well have left him on that porch after that gang had finished with him. His mind raced. He thought about storming up the stairs. He wanted to put as much distance between them as he could but he didn't know where his wand was and he was certain he couldn't make it up the stairs.

Grudgingly, he eased his body back onto the bed as his vision doubled and started to dim.

Obviously he was failing horribly at getting his emotions back in check. He was a fool to ever think things could be different.

He closed his eyes and tried to think. He should have just told her to leave. But even now, his mouth wouldn't form the words.

"Sev," she said softly.

He was startled. He didn't realize she was back next to the bed.

"You drifted off. Here, drink this."

He considered knocking it out of her hand. All she cared about was her perfect potions and mastery of spells. But he still couldn't do it. What the hell had she done to him? Three days. Three fucking days and she'd turned him into this sniveling mess. He met her eyes, finally managing to draw up some resentment of his own.

Lily lowered her eyebrows when she saw his expression. "Go ahead."

"I don't want it," he said coolly.

She tilted her head to the side, confused by his tone.

"Are you feeling worse?"

Worse? Maybe just a bit. The only way she could make him feel worse was to hit him herself. "Just leave me, Lily."

She narrowed her eyes, then her beautiful face clouded with anger. "Quit being a git and drink the potion, Severus."

"I don't want it," he repeated, pushing each word pass his clenched teeth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she snapped, putting the drink down on the bedside table and putting her hand on her hip.

"Don't you think it's time you went back to Hogwarts?" he said. The damn words caught in his throat and his voice cracked as the pain of what he was suggesting fully hit him.

Lily froze, the anger and hostility she'd been building in reaction to his attitude burned into her features. Then suddenly comprehension dawned on her; her expression softened. "I'm not going to go anywhere," she breathed. Suddenly, she joined him on the bed, her knees close to his side, but not touching him. She rested on her legs, but gently took his face in her hands.

For a moment he wanted to give in to the gentleness of her touch. The smell of her this close was nearly intoxicating. He closed his eyes. He wouldn't be sucked in.

"Look at me," she ordered, she leaned closer to him. Her green eyes locked on his. "I'm not leaving you." She leaned forward again and pressed her lips lightly to his. "Take the potion."

She was like a drug. She merely had to suggest something and he'd succumb to whatever she'd said. She couldn't be just a normal witch. She had to be some kind of wicked enchantress.

He reached for the cup and did as he was told. He didn't know what she'd put in it, but he could feel his eyelids suddenly growing heavy. She shifted her weight to her hip and gently tucked his hair behind his ear. "Just sleep, Severus. I'll be right here."

She kept her word, her small frame curled around him on the couch and she watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. He hadn't put on a shirt before he'd fallen asleep. She'd been drifting in and out of dreams herself as she rested with him.

She thought back to the kiss. That moment her sanity had left her. She thought about the pained look in his eyes when she'd pulled away from him. The expression on his face when she'd struggled to get him to drink the potion. He thought she'd been rejecting him.

Isn't that what she should have done? If she had any decency in her she would have left him with the potion and walked out door.

So what if her older sister and her wonderful fiancé didn't really want them around? She was related to them after all. She couldn't be kept out of her own home. Was it fair what she was doing here?

Guilt crept into her mind as she wondered who she was worried about. Was she worried about being fair to Severus? Or was she worried about being fair to herself? Or was she worried about…

She closed her eyes and forced herself to think. When she'd kissed him, it felt like some deep chasm had suddenly lit itself on fire. Still, even now, so long after the kiss, she could still feel the gentle burning in her stomach.

Severus' eyes fluttered and he reached slowly up, stretching. Lily took advantage of his movements and quickly examined his skin. The marks she'd been so worried about before had pulled tightly together and were now thin red lines as though the wounds were weeks old instead of merely hours.

He opened his eyes and smiled as he caught sight of her. "You're still here."

"I said I would be."

He pushed himself up on the bed and looked down at his chest, his long fingers gently probing the marred skin. "It looks like you did a great job."

"How does it feel?" she asked.

He nodded. "Much better."

She had a feeling he wouldn't admit it to her if the marks were burning him up from the inside. She started to say something, but she stopped herself, suddenly hyper aware of him.

"Thank you, for everything," he said, his onyx eyes peering carefully at her. "I don't think I would have been able to heal myself."

"You need to be more careful," she said softly, turning toward him.

Severus chuckled, a deep sound that caught in his throat. "I'll try."

"You need to do more than try," she said suddenly, shifting her weight onto her knees as she knelt next to him and clasped his hand. "You can avoid something like that again, Sev. I know you can."

She'd been pretending she didn't have a clue what had happened to him. She'd been pretending that it was perfectly natural to disappear then show up looking like he'd been run over by a truck. With those little words "I'll try" she knew that simply trying wouldn't be enough. He would have to make the conscious effort to get avoid ever putting himself back into that situation.

She pulled his hand to her lips and gently kissed his bruised knuckles. "You can't let this happen again."

Severus' voice hitched in his throat. She could feel his eyes as she moved her mouth over each knuckle. She raised her eyes. "I need you to do more than try."

"Lily," he whispered gently. "I don't know if—"

She rocked forward, pressing her mouth to his, cutting off his words. She reached up and slid her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled his mouth to hers.

Severus responded. His mouth opened to hers, gently greeting her as his warm, large hands slid round her back. Lily's breath was trembling as she pressed herself into the heat radiating off of his body. His arms were stronger than they looked. His lips, full and soft were like candy. She kissed and moaned softly, her knees almost giving when his tongue touched hers.

Her need to feel him close seemed to fuel her. As she tugged gently on his hair, he pulled her to his body, swinging her legs across his lap, molding her small frame to his. His lips drifted from hers, tracing a line of fire down her cheek, her neck across her collar bone.

Lily tossed her head back, letting the fire of desire spread from her abdomen throughout the rest of her body. "Oh Sev." She pulled her fingers down his neck, over his spine, up his arms, back into his hair, she couldn't stop touching him.

His lips were caressing her neck then coming back to her mouth. His hands were gentle, but the skin tough from work, the contrast against the soft skin of her back and her neck was amazing. His breathing was ragged but his kisses were slowing down, becoming longer and deeper. Still, Lily burned.

"Lily," he whispered softly.

She knew that whisper, that was the sound someone made when they were thinking. She didn't want to think right now. She didn't want him to think.

"Lily, we—"

"Shh," she said, softly, looking up into his dark eyes. "Please don't say anything." She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She watched him, never taking her eyes off his, she lightly pressed her lips to his, then his jaw, then his ear. She gently took the lobe between her teeth, pulling only a moment before moving to his neck.

She traced her fingernails down his arms, intertwining their fingers then moving his hands to her waist she trailed her fingers back up his arms and to his neck. She met his lips again in a fiery, desperate kiss, pressing her body into his.

Suddenly, with impressive strength, he responded, he yanked her to him, crushing her into him. Lily could feel every ripple of muscle, every impressive inch of him. She let out a gasp of delight and clung to him.

Severus raked his hand up her soft skin, under the strap of her bra and in moments it was on the floor. He grabbed a handful of her red mane and shoved it to the side, his lips devouring her neck.

Lily groan, rising up on her knees, snaking her arms around her his neck, throwing her own head back in ecstasy. She pressed her hips into his laps, curling herself around him. His lips traced fire across her collar bone and lower.

In a fluid movement, he tightened his grip and rolled her beneath him, pinning her hip to the bed with his own. He kissed her, tracing his hands over her ivory skin, smirking against her mouth as her body responded.

"Sev," she whispered. Time didn't matter. The past few days didn't matter. Nothing mattered except Severus and the way he was making her feel right now. She pushed her hips up against his own; enjoying yet hating the restraining denim fabric.

She trailed her fingers down his chest to the waistband of his jeans. His breath hitched in his throat, and she smirked now, enjoying the way he was suddenly frozen, waiting to see what she would do next.

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I had to stop here! I decided to keep this section tame-ish and true to the rating. (On the plus side, the next chapter is waiting…I have the **rated M** version ready, but with a few key strokes, it can stick with the **rated T** version.)

I need guidance! Which version comes next? I'd love to hear feedback and see if I should really push it, with the next chapter or stick with the "fade-to-bedpost" routine… You're the readers, you tell me!


	12. Chapter 12

As promised (and in thanks for the reviews!) here is the next chapter. There is another section also waiting if the feedback for part 1 is good…

WARNING: The rating has changed…

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Lily pressed her hand over the bulge in his jeans and leaned forward, sliding her mouth across his neck.

Severus shuddered at the feather light touches and pressed his hips into her hand; something like a growl rippling from his throat. His blood was boiling in his veins as he pulled her beautiful body to his. Her breasts pressed into his chest. She groaned, kissing the side of his neck then gliding to his ear.

Pleasure shot through Severus' body as her teeth gently grazed his earlobe. Rocking back on his knees, he pulled her with him, setting her firmly on his lap. Lily moaned and ground her hips against his crotch. Severus knotted his fingers in the back of her hair and pulled her head back; his tongue and teeth grazing over her collarbone.

Lily whimpered and swiveled her hips, he thought he was going to lose himself from the simple friction. He slid his hand over her body, his fingertips grazing her breast but not stopping until he reached the smooth skin of her hips. He gently, but firmly held her hips still. He swooped his mouth down her body, grazing over the ample skin of his breast. He gently swirled his tongue around her nipple, relishing in the way she cried out softly and arched her back. Gently, he blew soft cool air across her and grinned at her sharp intake of breath. He moved his head to the other, slowly repeating the process.

"Oh Sev," she whimpered, trying to rock her hips.

He held her tightly and pulled one delicate bud into his mouth, sucking gently at first, then harder as she tried to rock against his hands. Her fingers traced up and down his back, her hands squeezing his shoulder as he racked his teeth across the sensitive nipple.

She cried out, rocking herself up, her hands grasping the side of his face as she brought his mouth to her own.

Severus kissed her back, fervently, his tongue dancing and caressing her own. Lily nipped and kissed along his neck, her handing tracing down the front of his chest to the waistband of his jeans.

Quick fingers danced over the bulge in his jeans. Her breath turned into quick little pants as she heard his husky intake of breath. She grinned mischievously, stroking, and gently squeezing.

Severus pulled his lip between his teeth as he closed his eyes. The fantastic pressure was building deep in his gut. He forced himself not to push his hips into her hands. He really wanted to throw her back onto the bed, rip her panties from her slender hips, and drive himself into her. But he wouldn't do that. He was going to master every impulse and make this a night she would never forget.

Lily's breathing was already ragged, with each stroke her breath hitched a little higher and he felt his feeble control ebbing.

Using his hips, he leaned forward. Lily, thinking he was pushing her forward, smirked and moved back on the bed, looping her fingers through the belt loops before sliding forward to find the button.

Severus swooped and caught her mouth with his own, fiercely possessing her. He gently cupped her beautiful breast, loving the way it fit into his hand. He rolled his thumb over her nipple and grinned as she cried out. He took his other hand, found her own then gently pulled her arm above her head.

Her fingers were getting more frantic as she fumbled for the button of his jeans, unable to rid him of the material with only one hand. Realizing it wasn't going to work, Lily slid her palm up his abdomen, across the dark hair and trailed her fingers between the waistband of his jeans and his skin.

Severus let out a low growl. He wanted to let her continue. He wanted her hot-little hand to wrap around him; he wanted her to take his throbbing erection in his hands until he came. With a grunt, he pulled away from her, dragging his fiery mouth down her body; his tongue lavishing her bare skin. He grazed across her nipples, gently biting, making her cry out.

"Severus, please," she moaned.

"Please what," he rumbled.

"Oh…ah," she whimpered.

He none too gently pulled his fingers down her side, enjoying the way her soft skin gave under her fingers. He met the fine cotton fabric of her panties, and he lowered himself back to her mouth, kissing her as his fingers danced over the cotton. He moved his hand lower, pressing gently between her thighs and a high pitched cry escaped her reddened lips and she tossed her head back. She clamped her slender thighs together, clamping his hand between them.

Severus smirked as he watched her run her hands up her neck and into her hair, she gently tugged and cried out as her hips bucked against his palm.

Severus smirked at her through half closed eyes and he pressed his hands against her hot center. Even through the thin cotton he could feel her need. Grinning devilishly, Severus pressed his palm against her, using the fabric to push deeper into her wet center.

Her breath was coming out in short desperate gasps. Severus captured her mouth with his own and slipped his hand under the elastic. Lily froze, holding her breath and his fingers traced across her soft skin then plunged his tongue into her mouth and his fingers deep within her.

"Ah! Ah!" Lily gasped, arching her back, thrusting her hips forward. Her body trembled, squeezing his finger as she pressed down. Her hips bucked when he slowly, agonizingly drew them out. She started to thrust them forward and his placed his hand on her hip.

"Slow," he growled.

"I—I can't," she gasped. "I…oh…I need you."

That almost drove him over the edge, his rock hard cock throbbed in his pants and he thought he was going to come as she tightened around his fingers.

"You need me, huh?" he said, slowly. He was determined to keep control. He slowly inserted his finger again, pulling back out then putting two back in.

"Yes," Lily whimpered. Her hands made a feeble attempt for his pants, but he moved further down the bed. He kept a steady rhythm, gliding his fingers in and out of her slick, hot, center.

He watched her, focusing himself on her desire not his own. The way the arch of her back thrust her breast into the air, the way she slid up and down his fingers, the way she bit her lip as her climax built inside.

"Relax," he said softly.

Her toned legs were starting to tremble, her moans were getting longer.

"That's right. Come on, baby," he said softly. She was so tight around his fingers that he had to resist the urge to stroke himself through his jeans.

Lily's hips started rocking faster, harder. Her breath was becoming more and more labored. Every breath was a gasp. He pressed his fingers into her, harder, faster until she was bucking, twisting, writhing, calling out his name. Harder, he pushed his fingers into her, her head threw back.

She came apart in his hand, her orgasm rocking her lithe body. She contracted around his fingers as she came calling out his name over and over.

Severus smiled as he slowly withdrew his fingers. Lily was sprawled across the pillows trying to catch her breath. He leaned forward and kissed her, savoring the taste of her mouth. He settled next to her on the pillow, gazing at the perfect arch of her nose, her beautiful slightly swollen cherry lips. He gently ran his hand over her silky hair as she finally fluttered her beautiful emerald eyes, a smile curving her lips.

"That was amazing," he murmured, kissing her lightly.

Through her lowered lashes, Lily met his gaze and a smiled curved her sensuous mouth. "You say that like we're finished."

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Haven't really written like this before and I'm a bit apprehensive about it…I really need the feedback now! What did you think? Please review!


	13. Chapter 13

So grateful for the kind words! And I'm really thrilled that you like the story! I felt a bit like I was tap-dancing with this chapter and the previous on so I didn't go too far but I didn't cheat these characters. But reality is about to come crashing back in on them. So, be sure to tell me what you think!

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Lily stretched up, gliding her body along his as she pressed her lips to his. She traced her tongue gently along his lips, Severus let his tongue gently touch hers, and she felt heat beginning to pool in her insides. She brought her hand up to his face, cupping his cheek as she kissed him deeply.

She traced her hand across his chest, slowly trailing her fingers across the gentle curves of the muscles in his chest. She rose up and kissed his cheek, his neck, his collar bone, then back up to his ear. He inhaled sharply and Lily made a sound deep in her throat, it sounded more like a purr and his reaction only fueled the fire within her.

Lily drank in the way he looked, the dark hair falling gently around his face, the slight flush of his arousal making him that much more attractive. Lily's eyes danced down his chest to the still present bulge in his pants.

"Well," she purred. Her hand slid down his chest to his jeans. She met his eyes and sat up before he could stop her and flicked the button open. "Mmmh."

She slipped her hand into his pants, her fingers dancing over his hair erection through the thin fabric of his boxers.

"Lily," he growled softly.

"Hm?" she asked, tracing her fingers up the thick shaft. She was impressed by the solid length of him.

"How long are you going to tease me?" His breath was hitching in his throat.

Her hand slipped beneath his boxers, the feel of his velvety skin sent desire rushing between her legs. A deep moan came from her own lips as she curled her fingers around him, gently stroking the length of him. Her palm slid up and over the head and a she chuckled deeply and she felt the moisture gathering there.

Severus suddenly grabbed her, swinging her up onto his lap. He hooked his thumbs into her panties. Lily moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. Severus raked his hand up her sides, over her breast, up her neck, then into her hair.

Lily tried not to moan in disappointment. She leaned away from him and smiled, tracing her finger tips across her thighs.

"What are you doing?" he asked, huskily.

Lily dragged her fingertips across her flat stomach in slow lazy circles. "Nothing," she grinned, taking her hand lower, hooking her panties. Desire was driving her as she met his eyes, gently pulling one side lower, watching his interested expression.

He reached forward to touch her and Lily rose up and slipped the fabric down her thigh.

Severus roughly grabbed her again, and pulled her back to him. "I don't take well to torture," he growled.

"Are you telling me you don't like this," she said.

Severus curled his fingers around the thin fabric and gave it a forceful yank. Lily let out a gasp at the sharp twinge, but then felt her body spasm in anticipation as she could now feel the length of him pressing his boxers up. Leaning forward, she made sure to slide along him. Kissing him, she reached down, and freed him from the boxers. His full erection leapt to attention.

"Oh, Severus." Just saying his name rocked her body. Her nerves were on fire. Her body quivered with anticipation.

She leaned down and kissed his, tasting the sweet sheen of sweat. She put her hands on his shoulders, trying to focus herself on the rapid rise and fall of his chest as she lowered herself. Inch by inch he blissfully filled her. Lily threw her head back as she moaned and settled onto him, panting heavily.

She kissed him, loving the way he felt as part of her.

Severus' head was back too, his face contorted in concentration as he struggled to keep himself together. Lily rose up and came back down, moaning with each move. She rocked harder, faster, needing him, wanting him.

"Slow…down…" Severus grunted. "For you."

Lily did as she was told, lowering herself back over his cock, brushing her breast against his face as she took in the length of him.

Severus was panting, trying maintain control, gently biting his lip between deep long licks across his supple lips. Lily pressed her hands against his pectoral muscles and met his dark eyes. She pumped her hips, her own orgasm building, growing, twisting her insides. She looked down at Severus and realized he was holding back. She gave another deep moan and squeezed him tighter. His hands tightened on her hips as he thrust up to meet her, his body rocked, pushing deeper into her as he found his release, calling her name.

Hearing her name roll of his lips sent her over the edge, Lily climaxing around him until she collapsed forward on his chest.

She tried to catch her breath as she rode the gentle rise and fall of his breathing.

She wanted to say something…anything, but there just weren't words to describe how she was feeling at that moment.

His lips brushed her temples and she smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist. She was hot and they were both slick with sweat, but she didn't want to move away from him.

Groaning, rolled off of him and collapsed onto the mattress. Severus chuckled; it was a deep throaty sound that she could listen to all night. "Did you wear yourself out?"

Lily moaned and threw her arm over her eyes.

Again he chuckled as he pulled the sheet around her and kissed her cheek. "Maybe you should take a nap," he said; she could hear the smile in his voice.

She groaned and turned her head away. Severus moved on the bed, getting himself into a more comfortable position, his arm draped across her waist. She smiled and resisted the urge to snuggle up against him; that would only get things started all over again.

His steady breathing was lulling her to sleep when there was a sudden sharp _rapt, tap, tap_ of something against the only window at the other end of the basement.

Lily sat up suddenly and glanced frantically around, pulling the blanket to her chest.

"It's all right," he assured her, sitting up as he swung his legs off the bed.

"Where is it?"

He nodded to the other side of his 'flat.' She peered around him and thought she saw a glimmer of the afternoon sun.

"What is it?"

"I'm going to check." He grabbed his jeans from the floor and pulled them on over his narrow hips.

Something told her to call out to him, to ask him to come back and continue their nap, but she didn't. She pulled her knees to her chest and watched him.

He laughed. "It's just an owl…" but his voice trailed off, as he reached through the window.

Who would send him an owl in the middle of the day? Who would send him an owl _here_? Spinner's End didn't typically get many magical letters, and they students didn't usually receive notifications during break. Panic returned as Lily thought about way he'd looked last night. People willing to do that to a teenage boy wouldn't bother with an owl…would they?

"Who's it from?" she called. She was excepting him to tell her it was nothing. She was expecting a lie. She wasn't expecting his answer.

"It's for you."


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews, I love hearing what you think and your reactions to the story. This is one of those chapters where the characters took over and seemed to write themselves and in result I would up want to smack both of them…What do you think?

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_Lily, _

_We both know he's a git. We both know that he's a bit moronic. We both know that he doesn't bloody thing before he runs off his fat mouth…We both know I'm enjoying calling him names way too much. We both also know that he is going out of his mind not talking to you. Send him an owl. Please. _

_Sirius_

Lily crumpled the small piece of paper.

"Everything all right?" Severus asked. The velvety smoothness of his voice was going and now his words were clipped, his tone harsh.

Holding the sheet to her chest, she raised up on her tiptoes and gently kissed his lips. "Everything's fine."

She hated herself for the way she could so easily lie to him. Everything was not fine. The sheets wrapped around her smelled like him Severus and she loved it, but part of her was suddenly aching to answer the stupid letter she'd gotten. Her mind immediately focused on James, on the way times by the lake, and the time she'd cried on his shoulder because of Petunia or some other stupid fight. Her heart felt like it was being cleaved in two, half belonging to this man before her, and the other part shriveling with the contents of the letter.

Severus relaxed a little. The part of her hart that hadn't been aching gave a painful twist. Maybe she shouldn't have kissed him, not for the reason of distracting him, but she didn't know what else to do to divert his attention until she could get her head straight. "I can't believe it's Tuesday already," she sighed, looking around the room. Could she push off thinking about real life for just another couple of days? Could she just have this time, these few precious days until she returned to Hogwarts.

Her heart ached again. Hogwarts. Back to school. Maybe he was just lying to herself here, pretending things were different. She knew how Sev was at school. She knew who he hung out it. The same fools who nearly got him killed.

But he'd been so different these past few days. Maybe she could convince him to stop hanging out with them. Maybe he could hang out with her more.

And maybe she would get a pet chimera and teach it to sing and dance her for amusement.

Who was she trying to kid? Severus wouldn't hang out with her at school. And then there were the Marauders…they wouldn't take kindly to a new addition.

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Is it being only Tuesday a bad thing?"

Lily forced her lips into a smile. Hanging out with four boys all the time, she'd become quite the natural at faking a smile. "I suppose that depends on how we spend the rest of our vacation." She felt smugly pleased to notice the faint blush starting at his hair line. "So, dear Severus. I am going to take a shower, and then what shall we do today?"

If she could get something that would occupy his time, maybe she could write a quick reply. She silently cursed herself. What was she thinking? How would she even send him the letter? Sev didn't have an owl and she didn't really think she'd send his anyway.

"I was thinking at some point, I should get you to eat something."

Lily met his gaze with a smirk as her blasted mind immediately went somewhere it shouldn't. "Did you have anything in mind?"

"Remember I've reached my limit with pancakes," he answered, choosing to ignore her innuendos.

She chuckled. "Well, let me get my shower first, then I'll go to the store. I vaguely recall that not working out so well for you last time."

Severus rolled his eyes at her and Lily cocked her head in defiance. Did he think he could show her some attitude? Well, if he wanted to play that game…She walked across to where he stood leaning against the back of the couch, and rose up on her toes to kiss him again. She flung her arms around his neck, and molded her body to his. She gave just enough of a moan before pulling back with a satisfied smirk. "I wanted to make sure you were working up an appetite."

She turned away from him and let the sheet slide across her body into a puddle on the floor as she went upstairs for her shower.

Severus' body responded exactly the way it did to Lily, except now he didn't have the thick robes to hide behind, just his jeans which she had made uncomfortably tight right now.

Sighing, but smiling, he picked up the sheet and tossed it back onto the bed and ran his hand through his hair. He tried to get a steady hold of his emotions. He couldn't believe what the past four days had held, anger, fighting, _the meeting_, and last night…

He ran his fingers over his abdomen, over one of the faded pink lines. It was quite possible she'd saved his life. Things went to hell when that figure had vanished from the circle. There was so many of them trying to prove themselves. There were so many who were desperate to show their abilities that they didn't hold back with their curses. There were also those there who knew their magical ability wouldn't be enough, so they'd resorted to traditional violence.

He shouldn't have been able to find his way out of that grove; didn't she say that it was enchanted to keep them in? Well whoever had cast the spell had done it poorly. After taking several direct curses and being knocked down, he'd had just enough energy to conjure a shield charm then find a chink weak enough to make his escape.

_They _didn't like loop holes and he had been expecting the message to be for him. But he frowned and he sat on the arm of the couch. Maybe they didn't realize he'd made it out…

He scoffed at that idea. They knew. They were just contemplating their next move. And he had no idea if this could go in his favor. On the one hand, he'd showed intelligence beyond the other morons there. On the other hand, he'd revealed their weakness and they didn't like being reminded of that.

He decided not to put on a shirt and went up the stairs to get a drink and try to ease his mind.

He needed to think like them right now. He'd bested their little game. They didn't like that. He would be back at Hogwarts in five days and under Dumbledore's protection and they couldn't touch him. If he was running the show, he wouldn't deal with owls. He would deal with the problem as directly as he could.

Cold fingers suddenly seemed to have snaked around his insides. If he was alone he wouldn't care. They could show up and do whatever, but now he had Lily to think about. Damn it.

He raked his hands through his hair. He had no way of knowing when they would contact him. He was positive it would be before he went back to school. What would they do to Lily if she was here? To hell with that, what would Lily do if they showed up here?

His stomach knotted. As much as he wanted to go upstairs and get into the shower with her, he suddenly wanted her as far away from him as he could manage. Not stopping to really think because he knew if he did he would talk himself out of it, Severus rounded the hallway and went up the stairs.


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks to those who have been reviewing! It's such a push to write more and write faster when I know that people are looking forward to reading!

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Severus pulled open the bathroom door and smiled at her figure just beyond the curtain. Without stopping to let himself think, he peeled off his shirt and tossed it onto the floor.

He knew he wasn't thinking clearly. This "relationship" with Lily could only lead to trouble, to disaster…but he couldn't pull himself way.

Before he said anything to her that would ruin this dynamic they'd created, even if it was for her own good, he _needed_ to touch her one more time. He needed to be with her, to hold her, to kiss her, to feel as though for just a short while longer, she was his.

He could feel the familiar tightening, the sweet rush of anticipation rushing through his veins. He watched the fabric flutter to the floor, then he saw the crumpled scrolls. Curious, he picked up the first and saw the perfect slant of her writing:

_James, _

_This holiday has opened my eyes. You know what you mean to me_

Then the writing stopped. Severus' heart gave an unpleasant lurch as it tightened in his chest. His fingers tightened around the note and the paper crumpled. He glared at her figure behind the curtain. Bending quickly, he snatched up the second piece of paper. His eyes raked over Sirius' quickly scribbled words.

He tried to get his thoughts in order but they wouldn't. Anger bubbled in his veins. What the hell was this shit? Was that why she'd darted to the bathroom? Was she that fucking impatient to answer a damn letter? It wasn't it from _Potter_, it was from his idiot friend, yet at the first sign of pain from dear Potter she went running.

Potter, the one who'd made her cry. Potter, the one she'd been so desperate to hide out from over this holiday. Now, Potter, the one she refused to change her feelings about.

He tried to think about what he could say to her, but his mind wasn't functioning. He couldn't think over the pain ripping apart his chest. What could he say to this? After everything, "_you know what you mean to me_…" How the hell could Potter still know what he meant to her? The ass had no idea of knowing that her feelings had changed. So did that mean that her feelings hadn't changed? What had this weekend been? Had it meant anything to her?

The pipes squealed as she turned off the water. Her porcelain hand reached for the towel and he wanted to leave. He wanted to run down the stairs and into his room where he could break things. He wanted to destroy things that wouldn't fight back. He wanted to take this pain out on something else. He didn't want to face her now. Things did not come out well when he faced her with his emotions running this high.

He forced his fingers to open and let Sirius' letter fall from his fingers.

Lily pushed the curtain back and met his eyes. She let out a soft gasp and tried to smile. "You startled me." Her smile faded as she registered his expression. "Is everything all right?"

"No. I can't say that it is." His lips almost refused to move. His voice was low, cool…dangerous.

Lily pulled the towel closer to her and glanced around the room. "What happened?"

For the briefest of moments his eyes flickered to the letters now on top of his shirt still on the floor. Lily paled then her eyes flashed. "Why were you reading my stuff?"

"Because it was on my floor. What exactly has this weekend been, Lily? Just a week of experimentation before you throw your life away with Potter?"

She inhaled sharply; a flush was creeping over her face. "Severus, don't."

"Don't what? Did you think I didn't know that this is your little escape from reality? Did you think I was deluded enough to think that you could pull your head out of his ass and that you could actually see beyond Potter's money?"

"Excuse me?" Lily growled. "Since when does his money have anything to do with this conversation?"

"Well, I've never thought that you were with him for his intellect. You've always hated where you've come from. You've never been able to accept that you're Muggle-born, so you've cozied up to one of the richest and most well-known families of pureblood—"

Her hand smacked across his face. The force and the sting stunned him.

"Don't you dare talk about me like that! You with all of you idiotic Death Eater ramblings! You with all of your magical purity nonsense! You're a half-blood too, you blithering idiot! Those fools would kill you just as soon as they would accept you! They're not your friends, Severus! Didn't you understand that the other night when they almost killed you? Don't you get that you will mean _nothing_ to _him_ and when he no longer has a use for you, he will kill you? Do you really think you're that worthless?"

"I'm not worthless," he growled.

"Then prove it, Severus! Quit trying to pick a fight with me over something I started to write in a letter that you don't even understand! Quit using every excuse to not have to deal with the direction you've started to take your life—"

"I don't make excuses," he snarled, grabbing her arms and pulling her to him. "This is not about Death Eaters. This is about you and me. Look me in the eye, Lily Evans and tell me why we can't be together. Tell me why you're going to choose Potter over me. Tell me what the hell he's done to make himself so damn worthy in your eyes."

Lily tossed her wet hair away from her face in defiance. "Let go of me, Severus."

He tightened his grip and his frustrated muscles shook her small frame. "Tell me!"

_BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!_

The thin walls of the house shook with the force of the pounding at the front door.

"Son of a…"

He stepped back from her. This wasn't supposed to be happening right now. She was supposed to be gone. Her blood status could get her killed.

Lily jerked her head to the door and then back to Severus. "What is that?"

"For once in your stubborn life, will you please, just wait here? Get some clothes on and keep your wand close."

Lily grabbed his arm. "Don't go."

Severus jerked away. He was furious with her. Her touch turned his skin to fire. Not the fire laced with desire but the fire that made his skin crawl. "Maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe they'll kill me and you can _settle_ for Potter."

He turned on his heel, slammed, and magically locked the door behind him, then he started to the front door.

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Please review with your comments!


	16. Chapter 16

Didn't mean to take so long with the update! This was a difficult chapter to write especially as it became apparent where the story had to go. Tried to write a bit extra to make up for the long delay but needed to save a bit for the next chapter.

Thanks for the kind reviews! Those are the things that kept me pushing through the unusual writer's block. Hope to hear from you again!

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Severus clenched his hand around his wand as he went slowly down the stairs. The door rattled on its frame with the pounding of someone knocking on the other side.

There wasn't a peep hole and demanding to know who was on the other side would be useless. Severus took a deep breath and pushed the fight with Lily out of his mind, locking her away in some dark corner of his mind. He brought forward thoughts of school work, time in the library, useless things to be on his mind just in case someone was on the other side of the door that would be able to use his weakness of Lily against him.

Severus twisted the door and it flung forward. Two dark-hair figures shoved into the house; one pressed his forearm against Severus' throat and shoved him against the wall and the other drew his wand uttering, "Lumos."

In the dim light cast from the wand Severus realized it was Potter and his friend Black.

"How ya doin, Snivellus?" Black mocked.

Severus tried to turn his head; Black's arm was severely restricting his air supply.

"What the hell have you done with her?" Potter growled.

"Done with whom?" Severus sneered.

Potter wheeled and held his lit wand only inches from Severus' nose. "Lily! We know she's here!"

Hearing this idiot say her name like she was some kind of possession caused Severus' blood to boil. He brought up his leg and kicked at Black's knee with all the strength he could muster from his oxygen deprived brain. The force of the blow caused Black to crumple and Severus slid down the wall, pressing his hands to his upper thighs so he could gasp in air. He didn't have long to breathe, Potter pulled back and his right hook collided with Severus' jaw.

The next thing Severus knew he was hoisted into the air by his ankle.

"You see, Snivelly, there is this great tracking spell that can be placed on owls," Black growled, slowly getting to his feet. "After no one in Lily's family had heard from her for several days, we decided to try out this spell. Imagine our surprise to find her here."

Potter was looking a little crazed as he stared around the living room. "Where is she?"

"Don't you think if she wanted you to know that she would have told you?" Severus asked. He wasn't sure why he just didn't tell them. Lily obviously wanted to be with Potter; why did he insist on keeping her away from him?

There was that small issue of her being locked up in the bathroom wearing nothing more than a towel. Potter and Black wouldn't react too kindly to that. And he seriously doubted they would listen to reasoning. Not that he really had any kind of real reasoning to go on either.

Potter turned sharply on his heel leveled his gaze with Snape's. "Tell me where she is before I blacken your other eye and make sure you have a matching set."

A cold, calculated laughed bubbled from somewhere deep inside Severus. "Hit me all you want. After all, it is two on one. I wouldn't expect anything better of you, Potter. Where are the rest of your cronies? Is it the full moon? What happened to your _rat_? Did you forget to let him out of his cage?"

"You know, Prongs," Black said lazily, giving his wand a little flick that started Severus on a slow spin. "There were some other _interesting _spells in that old book of my mother's. I'm sure we could try some of them out. We'll put a silencing spell around the room and no one will even hear him."

Potter's eyes raked over Severus' dangling form. His eyes narrowed with hatred. "If it comes to that, Padfoot, I want to tear him about limb by limb without magic. The sneaky little git would probably find some way to—"

"Counter-jinx you? You make it sound like that's a difficult task." From his current spinning position, he was having a little difficulty trying to figure out how exactly to down. Potter's first punch had rattled him.

"I could out cast you any time I wanted, Snivelly," Potter growled.

"Is that why you've got your bitch hanging me upside down? I would have thought that you wouldn't need a dog to do work you think you're so capable of."

Black's fist was the next one to collide with Severus' face. A sharp, extremely unpleasant pain radiated from his jaw and as his vision blurred drastically and darkness threatened to take over; Severus was pretty sure his jaw was cracked if not broken.

Potter stepped between the two boys and waved his wand, letting Snape fall into heap in the middle of the parlor floor. He flicked his wand again and an icepack landed at Snape's feet. "Put that on it, it's going to hurt like hell."

Pride told Severus to kick the thing as far away from him as he could. Pain told him to get the hell over it. Not wanting to draw their attention until he could find his wand, Severus slowly reached for the icepack.

"I know she's here. I have to look. Stay with him."

"Let me tie him up and we'll look together."

"I don't think it's a good idea not to watch him. This is his own house. If I go the wrong direction he'll take off and beat me to her…"

For once, Potter was actually using his head. Severus glowered though. He didn't have a shot in hell to take on either one of them without the help of magic. He snatched the icepack and pressed it to his eye and tried to reach slowly for his wand on the floor.

A silence fell over the young men in the room and everyone's attention was jerked to the stairs when they heard the muffled pounding.

"Lily," Potter breathed, taking the stairs two at a time.

Severus' fingers finally closed around his wand and he drew it up to be level with Black's face.

"What did you seriously think you were going to accomplish by keeping her locked up?" Black asked, his dark eye dancing with the challenge. "You've got some serious problems Snivelly. You romance girls, you don't harass. A girl like Lily Evans wouldn't want to touch you with a ten-foot-pole until you at least learn to shower."

Blood was still trying to rush to Severus' head but he didn't let his wand hand waiver as he glared at the other young man. "Have you considered, even briefly, that maybe she didn't _want_ to be found? That being around arrogant toe-rags like you and Potter was exactly what was pushing her away? You and Potter think you are Merlin's gift to witches, maybe Lily has finally learned to see beyond you."He didn't really believe a word of what he was saying, he just wanted to try to get Black a third as angry as he himself felt. "So, how exactly did you become Potter's bitch?"

Black's eyes narrowed and Severus plowed ahead.

"Someone of your background, some of you _power_ and you're content to follow Potter on a leash. Is it because you like the way he pets you? I bet when you're alone in Gryffindor tower you really take the 'master' thing to a whole new level—"

A blast issues from Black's wand that threw Severus back several feet. Severus climbed quickly and tried to cast a shield charm but Black had already sent another spell at him; he was disoriented, he wanted to sit down, he wanted to do anything but stand and fight. Knowing this was the effect of the spell, he waved his wand to get a shield up, then he closed his eyes and tried to clear his head.

Something was happening upstairs. There was a bang and voices. He could see Black before him but the other boy seemed to be moving too slowly. He closed his eyes. He needed to think. He needed something to make Black back off. The noise from upstairs was getting closer. Something flew past him from the basement and Severus struggled to make his eyes focus on the immediate problem. He didn't want some playful, school-boy hex to send at Black, he wanted something to make him back down. He wanted a curse to make him realized that he wasn't the poor boy they'd mocked and teased for six relentless year.

Sirius barked a laugh and his eyes twinkled as he gently waved his wand in Severus' face. "Just wait until Lily gets her wand back; she knows hexes I haven't even thought about."

Severus flicked his wand and a fiery welt rose across Black's cheek.

"James Potter, if I'd need your help I would have asked for it." Lily's shrill scream echoed down the stairs.

"What do you mean _if_? He had you locked in the _lavatory_!"

Sirius was gently pressing his hand to his now red cheek. "Give her a few minutes, Padfoot. Kidnapping would piss anyone off."

Lily had stormed past Sirius and now paused in front of the door taking in the scene for the first time; Severus in his waning drunken state and shield charm, Sirius with his now injured cheek, both boys wearing expressions of pure fury.

Capitalizing on the focus on Lily, Severus flicked his wand and sent both boys into the wall with a brilliant puff of black smoke. He sent the next hex and deflected one. Soon the room was a hazy mess of sparks, bangs, and flashes. A well-placed shield charm protected him from what he couldn't send back.

"Stop it!" Lily yelled.

"Stay back," Potter commanded.

Lily yelled a command and a shield sprang between the men.

Severus shoved his hair out of his eyes, his chest heaving. Sirius and James looked just as worn; a small cut was above James' eyebrow and Sirius had a matching scratch on his jaw.

"Lily get out of this," Potter growled, the fingers clasping his wand were white with anticipating and tension.

"You are acting like moronic children! It is my business where I am and what I do! And how _dare _you assume that you can tell me what to do. If you think that you can show up here—"

"Lily, I—"

"Don't interrupt me, James Potter!" Lily's eyes flashed. "I am perfectly capable looking out for myself."

"This idiot," James snarled, sending a hex at Severus making him double over as it hit him in his stomach, "had you locked up!"

Lily whirled on her heel and glared at him. "This is a discussion for you and me. Not with an audience."

"Take your girlfriend outside, and let me deal with the slime in here," Black suggested, narrowing his eyes.

Unable to take another word of Black's taunting, Severus swung his wand and shot a jet of red light at Black. The curse swept his feet out from under him and Black crashed into his back. Sirius immediately flicked his wand but Severus darted to the side. The spell blasted books off the shelf. James joined in, sending his own spells at Severus.

Severus could hear Lily yelling, her cries becoming more and more frantic. A small voice told him he could stop, he needed to go back to protecting her, but any distraction at all and Potter and Black would have him.

Adrenaline rushed into his system with each spell. Black and Potter's spells were getting more and more dangerous and Severus was able to match them.

As he dodged another hex, he couldn't help the grin starting to tug at his cheeks. Black must have been studying at home. These were not spells for children.

But Black didn't realize that Severus knew the rules to this game better than either of them could ever hope.

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Please review!


	17. Chapter 17

Blood pounded in Severus' ears as he rocked forward on the balls of his feet deflecting a spell then darting to the side just avoiding a curse. He slashed his arm through the air, flicked his wrist, concentrating, focusing all the hatred from the past seven years on into retribution in his own spells.

These morons had tortured him. They mocked him. They sought new ways to harass him. For what? What had he really done to them? To any of them? He hadn't been born to the right name. He'd been born to a struggling Muggle father and a witch with little to her name.

With another twist of his wrist he sent Potter flying back into the wall.

_Potter._

This foolish arse without any true talents, but he had gold. He had popularity. He had _her. _

Black moved toward him and Severus turned his wand; a blast of light knocked the teenager off his feet.

Severus' chest rose and fell rapidly as he realized both boys were down; their frantic spells that had missed their targets had found a hold in the walls and in the furniture and debris was scattered around them. He dropped his wand hand to his side and felt eyes on him.

He turned slowly and met Lily's wide green eyes.

"Severus," she said slowly, her voice shaking.

He tried to swallow but his throat was too dry with all the dust in the air.

She looked terrified, her wide eyes darting from the boys lying in heaps back to his face. "What have you done?" she whispered.

Like a small freight train, it hit him that the fear wasn't because of the fight, it was because of _him. _

"Lily, they attacked me," he answered. How didn't she see this? Did she think that he invited them here for this little rendezvous?

She paused in her careful attempt to step safely over the mess of plaster and broken furniture and glared at him. "This is your reaction? Severus, you don't destroy your damn house just because of a threat! There's defensive magic! They're not moving, Sev! I don't even know the curses you were using."

"It was two on one, Lily," he said, pressing his clenched fist to his forehead. Was she really doing this? Was she lecturing him for defending himself? He hadn't done anything Potter and Black hadn't done. He was only trying to keep the fight fair. "They're fine."

Lily had been picking up a large piece of plaster that looked as though it had fallen from the ceiling. She suddenly flung it out him. "They're not _fine, _Snape," she spat. "What did you even do to them?"

Snape? _Snape?_ She was going to call him Snape after everything? After sharing his bed? After everything she was going to revert to this because Potter came after her? He couldn't look at her. The pounding in his dead was growing more intense with each heartbeat.

He turned away from her. There was nowhere to escape, the mess of plaster was everywhere. If Tobias was to come home, the man would strangle Severus without a second thought.

Lost, he turned back and saw Lily inching closer to Potter.

He didn't realize his feet were moving, he didn't feel the plaster give under his feet, but he was away of being next to her, snatching her up by her forearms and pulling her close to his face. "Why, Lily? You never answered why?"

"Let go of me," she snapped.

It was like he was possessed. He could feel the softness of her skin in his fingers, he could smell flowers in her hair, but he couldn't make himself let her go. He couldn't stop the muscles in his arms from contracting as he shook her. "Tell me!"

When the shaking stopped, she glared up at him through a curtain of red hair and spat into his face.

Stunned, Severus released her. Dragging the back of his palm across his cheek, he wiped away the moisture, then that same hand shot out and backhanded her.

Lily's head shot to the side and she cried out, stumbling back. He saw her hand reaching for the wand, but he was quicker, he snatched the stick from her and flung it far away from them.

Part of his brain was begging him to calm down—to take a breath and step away from the situation, but he couldn't. He didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't stand the thought being away from her, but being near her felt like a blade being dug into his chest.

He grabbed her again and pulled her to his chest. "You love me." Each word was pushed past his clenched teeth. He just needed to hear her say it. He needed her to admit that she did care about him. If she would just do that, then everything would be okay. The pounding in his head would stop. It wouldn't matter that he'd lost his temper and destroyed the house. The house could be fixed with a few simple spells, but what he needed from her was something magic couldn't provide. He needed to hear her confirm what he already knew. He needed her to be honest with him, with herself.

If she would just say it the hole that ripped open in his heart every time she looked at Potter would heal and he could feel normal—no, sane—again.

The agony in her eyes made him loosen his grip, but he still didn't let her go.

"Tell me you love me." Was that his voice? Was he begging her? Why was he this weak when it came to this girl? What hold did she have over him?

He glanced at the boys against the wall then back to her. He tried to soften his voice. "They really are okay. They just hit the walls. I couldn't kill them, Lily, you know that. I was just protecting myself. I was protecting you. Don't fight me, we can leave, we can get away from here. Away from them. It can be like it was. You didn't even want them to find you. Then they just come charging in here…"

He wasn't making sense. He was rambling but he couldn't shut up. Her silence was killing him.

"No," she said, shaking her head, tears fell from her thick lashes onto her beautiful cheeks. "It can't be like it was. My Severus wouldn't have done this. My Severus wouldn't have hit me…"

"I didn't mean it…I didn't think…not you…not that you would do that…that's the shit that T—that I can't handle."

As what he'd started to said registered a new wave of tears filled her eyes and Lily shook her head, unable to look at him. "I can't do _this_ anymore."

He pulled her to him and pressed his lips to her. He could taste her tears on his lips. He crushed her body to his chest; her small fist pressed against his chest, pushing as first, then she started to relent, letting him kiss her, then her fingers dug into his shirt, pulling him to her, pressing her lips into her.

Forcefully, she broke away, shoving him back. "No! We can't do this! Look at this!"

"I love you too much to walk away from this, Lily."

"No. Don't." Her eyes were wide and she shook her head, looking around frantically at anything but him.

"You love me too. You know you love me. You don't kiss someone you don't love with that kind of passion, Lily," he said, his hands falling helplessly at his side.

"This is the kind of passion that has to burn itself out, Severus. This is dangerous," Lily said, she was looking around the room, looking desperate for a way out here. "You have to let me leave."

"Are you saying you can ignore it?"

"I know the consequences!" she yelled. "I think if you hadn't knocked them out that you would have killed them! I'm scared, Severus! Is that what you want to hear? Do you want me to tell you that you terrified me? That I don't know what you're capable of?"

What was he capable of?

The idea of grabbing her and apparting someplace like the cabin was far too appealing in his mind. _Thump, thump, thump._ He could just grab her and go. They could get away from here and start over. Potter would be a threat, the pounding would stop. He would be able to think clearly…

"This isn't as crazy as it seems, Lily," he whispered. "I mean this. Look at me. I will never hit you again. You just bring out something in me. You have so much power; it's like we're two forces of nature meeting. You can't tell me we aren't _remarkable_ together…"

"Not all remarkable powers are great, Severus," she said softly.

The pounding was coming back. _Thump, thump, thump. _Why wouldn't she just listen?_ Thump, thump, thump._

"Lily, it's like I can't even breathe when you're around, I love you so much. Please."

"We don't get another chance, Severus. This is life. There aren't do-overs. Look at what happened."

Finally her words seemed to be making sense. He looked. _Thump, thump, thump._ He _really _looked. The past few days had been amazing, but he knew it wouldn't last. Wasn't that what he'd kept telling himself the entire time? _Thump, thump, thump._ When did he stop listening to himself? _Thump, thump, thump._ When did he think their hopeless situation would let them actually make something from this mess? _Thump, thump, thump._

Suddenly, a pain like fire shot through his left arm. He cried out and grabbed it with his right hand.

Lily jerked around to stare at Potter and Black, both were still unconscious. "What's happening?"

The burning was getting worse. Severus gritted his teeth to keep from screaming. The pounding that had been rocketing through his head grew to a steady pressure, pushing against the inside of his skull.

"_Prove yourself to me_," a voice hissed in his head.

Severus' consciousness threatened to collapse.

He'd been a fool to think that his tested would involve someone at his door. The night in the woods had been a mental game. Why would they care if he could defend himself in against more of them? He'd managed to survive their death ring. Now, the pain suddenly made sense. They'd been testing his mind; looking for weakness and trying to break barriers he'd been naturally putting in place from the first time Tobias beat the shit out of him.

Severus put himself into that survival mode. When Tobias had had too much to drink Severus had to shut himself down; he had to become a rag doll. Over time, he'd realize he had a natural talent for compartmentalizing his mind. He did that now allowing the voice access to his emotions, but not giving it access to this moment right now.

"You need to get out. Get Potter and Black and apparate somewhere, _anywhere, _when I tell you to. Just get far away from here and don't look back."

_He_ knew Severus was blocking part of his mind and _he_ didn't like it.

"Lily, do it, or I'll kill them," Severus hissed, forcing his eyes shut and pressing his palms into his eyes. The power he felt invading his mind hurt, it burned, it was wrong and he couldn't fight it. The more he tried to fight, the more difficult things like breathing became.

The fear was back on Lily's face but she scrambled over the rubble and grasped each boy's hand.

Severus fought back another spasm, another attack on his mind.

He met those green eyes and felt his heart shatter inside his chest. She was gone and wild flames erupted inside the room.

* * *

Lily dropped James and Sirius' hands and spun wildly. She was on the hill she and Petunia had discovered when they were small children. It gave a view of the small village and her eyes raked frantically over the small roofs, looking for the one.

Something horrible had happened in that house. There was something in his voice…yes she'd been scared of Severus watching him fight James and Sirius but she'd felt cold terror in those last minutes.

Her brain finally registered what she was looking. Black smoke poured from the house, huge orange flames licked the twilight sky. The fire wasn't natural and she knew the sirens of the poor Muggle fire-trucks were a wasted run. The magical fire wasn't going to be sated until it consumed everything inside the house.

'_Do it or I'll kill them_.' Tears sprang to her eyes and she sank onto the ground. What the hell had happened in those final minutes when he was pressing his hands to his head?

She wiped furiously at the tears and turned her attention to James and Sirius, they were breathing and both seemed to be starting to show signs of regaining consciousness.

Lily knew what she had to do next. The fire had not been natural. Severus' behavior had not been normal. There were certain _marks_ that dark magic left. The feeling in the room when his behavior became more erratic had made her skin crawl. She should have known from the moment he'd appeared on the porch that evil had touched him, maybe even stolen him from her. But she hadn't been able to deal with that.

She gave one glace back at the house and shuddered as she watched the black smoke escape into the night and vowed that she would do something to make them pay.

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Thank you all for reading, for signing up for alerts, and a million thanks for the awesome reviews! I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing.


	18. Chapter 18

First I need to apologize. The story ended for me when the house burned, and I thought I brought it (to an abrupt) ending. I think it was just too short. I started to get emails after I hadn't update for a few weeks asking if I was going to continue. I most recently got one from Stacey and I went back to look at what I had read and realized that there was more to tell. So, welcome back!

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Lily sat under the tree by the lake. The train would be leaving in a couple of hours and she hadn't packed.

This didn't seem to matter to her. Nothing had really seemed to matter since that night. Not the graduation ceremony, not the awards, not the congratulations from her friends.

She wasn't sure what she'd become. On the outside she looked normal. She smiled when it was appropriate. She did her homework and attended classes. She clutched James' hand and hugged her friends. No one mentioned the empty seat in the back of the room. No one mentioned the dark haired boy that wasn't among them anymore and hadn't been for almost two months.

It was as though James and Sirius had made a pack to not mention that day. The blackened house didn't seem to have an effect on them as they continued to laugh and enjoy their practical jokes. She wasn't sure if she found solace in the mindlessness banter of their company or if she just used their rowdiness as a reason to escape herself even if for a short time.

"I thought I'd find you here," a soft voice called from behind her.

Lily turned and the smile automatically curved on her lips like she was programmed, but it wasn't a real smile. "Hello, Lupin."

The boy with the light brown hair and shabby clothes returned her forced smile and joined her on the grass. He was looking predominantly worn and from what she'd heard from James, this last transformation had been particularly raucous. James and Sirius always fared those transformations better than Lupin did. It must have been easier if you were the one in control instead of the one being ransacked by a beast.

"Are you ready to leave?" Lupin asked.

Lily shrugged. The world beyond Hogwarts was dark and tainted and it got worse every day as _his_ power grew. How much longer could she pretend it wasn't?

"I usually try not to ask many questions. Having James as one of my best friends, I find it's much easier not to know. But I'm going to ask: are you okay?"

She couldn't begin to know how to answer that question.

"Lily. James is concerned, we are all."

She tried to look puzzled and she willed herself to give just a fraction of a smile. "This is a scary time—"

"Please don't, Lily," he interrupted. "Not with me. You were the one who figured out my problem, and I can't pretend I'm blind any longer to yours."

She was sure her heart had stopped in her chest. She couldn't force herself to swallow or to look away. He couldn't possibly know. There were times she was hardly even sure herself.

"I want to help. In any way that I can."

"I—I don't know what you can do," she said, her wretched voice breaking. She would not cry. Lupin had been no different than the other two boys when it came to Snape. He hadn't known Severus and she was sure that he wouldn't even care if he hadn't gotten the impression she was upset.

"I could start by listening. I know that Easter—"

"No." Lily shook her head violently and pressed her face into her hands. "I don't want to talk about that."

"I know you don't, Lil, but you need to. We've all noticed that you're _different_. I thought it would be best to let you work through it on your own. We know James isn't always the most sensitive to things he doesn't understand, and to pretend that he understood your history with Severus—"

"Stop, Remus," Lily warned. Her emotions were rushing to the surface and she could feel the threat of tears in her eyes.

Lupin sighed as he pulled his knees to his chest and leaned forward.

The uncomfortable silence seemed to stretch on as Lily struggled to control her tears and just wished that Lupin would take a page from Sirius and James' book and just leave her alone.

"Holding onto to whatever you are isn't going to help you. It's just going to eat at you, Lily," he said softly.

Did she want to let go of what happened? Did she want to forget everything that had happened in the house on Spinner's End? Would it be easier to go on pretending it didn't happen? But then again, she obviously wasn't pretending well. They were just humoring her as she pretended that she was fine. Apparently, they thought with time she'd snap out it.

Why wouldn't they?

As far as they were all concerned, she'd been lured or tricked into the house then held prisoner by dark magic. They thought the spell that had consumed the house was the evil somehow imploding on itself and that it had just been a consequence of something that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

She'd never corrected them. She never let James and Sirius know that she didn't need to be rescued. She didn't answer their questions when they asked for an explanation; she just made a pained face and shook her head and the boys—afraid of a sudden rush of female emotions—let the topic drop.

"I don't know how to deal with it, Remus," she answered. Finally, the truth. It felt terrifying.

"That's why you have us," he smiled, gently, leaning forward.

She felt the prick of tears again and shook her head. "James will never understand."

"You don't know that until you let him try."

A scoff shook her small frame. She didn't even understand what had happened between _them_ and she'd lived it. How could she even begin to explain the situation to James without ripping him apart? It'd been so easy to live the lie, to let all of them believe what they wanted because she didn't think she could tell them the truth. "I don't really know what happened."

Remus softened. "You could always start at the beginning…The Potters are throwing a party tonight for all of us. How about before the party, we sit down—"

"This isn't something that talking about will help," she said. "I really appreciate what you are trying to do, but I just need more time…"

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	19. Chapter 19

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A band was on the deck in the backyard. Small twinkling lights had been strung above the yard suspended with magic. A floating buffet was in the middle of the room forcing the guest to mingle among the crowd if they wanted to eat.

Lily had actually been laughing throughout the evening. James and Sirius had led several impromptu dance sessions; Remus had politely declined and the boys kicked Peter off the dance floor after he knocked over a floating display of goblets.

Lily had been dreading the party, but now she never wanted it to end. There was so much love in the room; every time Mr. Potter would pass James he would clap his hand on his shoulder or ruffled the obstinate mop of hair on James' head. He would gently punch Sirius on the shoulder and when the young man returned the favor Mr. Potter would grab his arm and stumbled back several feet.

Mrs. Potter was the ideal hostess. She bustled back and forth from the kitchen, adding dishes to the buffet. Lily started making the trips with her and was regaled with delightful stories of the more-than-troublesome years of dealing with James as a child. He was an only child and the light of his mother's life.

"Ah, mum," James moaned, catching the end of one of the stories. His cheeks flushed red and he shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "I need to borrow Lily and get her away from the stories before she refuses to ever see me again."

"I think you running around with a diaper on your head is completely adorable," Lily giggled, winking at Mrs. Potter.

"Yeah, well at least it was clean," James sighed. "Dance with me?"

She nodded and he swept her onto the dance floor. They swayed together to the music, James' hands resting comfortably around her back, hers draped around his neck.

After a few minutes, Lily looked up and smiled. "You know that Professor Botaga would disapprove of our form."

"You're right," James smirked, leaning down and giving her a quick peck on her lips. He squeezed her tightly to him with one arm and grabbed the other holding it away from him, mocking the traditional form. "I think this is better."

Lily laughed, enjoying the feeling of his strong arms, of the warmth radiating off his chest, and the rhythm of his heart with her own.

"What happens now?" she asked softly, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Do you want me to dip you?"

She laughed again and hit his back with her fist. "No! Now that we don't have school anymore. What are we going to do?"

James rested his cheek against her hair. "I was thinking that we could travel, see the world. We could explore what's out there. We could practice everything that we learned. You could find a position that brings in loads of galleons so I don't have to work…"

"Traveling isn't really an option for me, James," she said, softly. "You are right, I need to start looking for a job."

"There will be time for jobs, Lily. We're young. We have right now. Together. You know I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Come with us. Work can wait."

Lily felt the burn starting in her cheeks. "My parents aren't like yours. I can't just ask for that kind of money. Unless I want to go back with them, I have to—"

He swooped down and kissed her. "I didn't want to do this but…Mum!"

Mr. and Mrs. Potter must have been waiting for this; they suddenly appeared by the couple on the dance floor.

"Lily, we are so proud of you and everything you've done. Since his first trip home from Hogwarts, James has talk about you. We were so thrilled to finally meet you and see that he hadn't been exaggerating, that you were worth every word. We wanted to wish you a happy graduation," Mrs. Potter smiled, handing Lily a slender purple box with a gold bow.

Lily glanced and James and noticed the grin stretched across his face. The box was slender enough for one thing, a check, and with the conversation they'd just been having and his parents perfectly time arrival, there was no doubt in Lily's mind as to its contents.

She wanted to protest but she didn't want to hurt the Potters' feelings. They had always been so welcoming and kind to her. She knew every word they'd said was sincere but she didn't want to take their money.

She reached for the box, not seeing any other option.

Suddenly, the party went dark. The lights flickering only once then going out.

There were startled gasp from the party guest, an ominous roar, then a crash.

More rushing wind.

Then screams.

"No!" Mr. Potter bellow. There was something in his tone, as though he'd almost expected this. "Get the children!"

"James, Lily, boys! Peter, Remus, Sirius! Hurry!" Mrs. Potter's voice was high, nearing panic.

Another woosh, then a crack and an explosion. More screams.

Cries for help, for friends, for loved ones filled the air.

A fire was in the middle of the dance floor; it was small at first then magically charged to do the most damage.

As Lily's eyes adjusted to the new light, she was able to take in the full horror of the scene. Crumpled bodies were scattered across the lawn. There were already so many injuries. So many faces smeared with blood.

Then she saw the figures. The tall, hooded figures with the horrible masks.

"Death Eaters!" Mr. Potter yelled, only feet from them. He slashed his arm through the air, sending curses.

A curse flew by only inches from Lily. It took her overwhelmed brain a few moments to realize it wasn't aimed at her but at the Death Eaters.

"Lily!" James barked, springing into action as he brandished his own wand. "Take cover!"

Hatred battled with her horror. Here? Now!? The Death Eaters _dared_ to show up here? Hadn't they taken enough from her? She pulled out her wand and sent a curse.

It was getting harder to see. There were more fires. Thick black billowing smoke rose from the party. People were panicked and running for safety.

Lily dove behind an overturned table and realized she wasn't alone. "Peter!" she called, relief coloring her voice. She'd lost James when he'd run into the fray. She hadn't seen Sirius or Remus.

Peter was pale and shaking. "W-what's g-going on, Lily? Why here? Why are they here?"

She didn't know. She rose up on her knees and sent another curse, trying desperately to see through the crowd. There were flashes of all kinds of colors, red, blues, greens, white. Curses, defensive spells, and charms. Behind her, she heard shattering of glass and felt the heat of flames.

Her brain wasn't functioning. She'd seen at least four of them. How many members of the party were fighting back? How many Death Eaters hadn't she seen?

Feet from her, she heard a deep cackle that chilled her to her bones, then a new green light. A horrible, sickly color wrapped in its own smoke, twisting and unfurling into the sky until it took shape, a horribly skull with a snake protruding from its mouth. She raised her arm to the figure but with a crack it was gone. The crack was echoed across the yard, six, eight, ten times.

The screams died away. But not the cries of pain, not the cries for help.

Lily stood up and looked around the carnage. A trio of wizards had turned to the house and were trying to put out the fire. Other wizards were attending to the injured.

"James?" she called, her voice cracking. She was nearing panic. Not another fire. Not more of this nightmare. "Sirus! Remus!"

The panic was winning. Her breath was coming in short gasps, burning as she inhale the acrid smoke. "James! Remus!"

She started coughing. But she plunged deeper into the chaos instead of going to the edge of the yard away from the smoke and disaster.

"Lily!"

It was Remus, his voice roughened by the smoke. He came through the haze and grabbed her by her shoulders, pushing her toward clear air.

Lily sucked in the clean air and tried to wipe the tears from her dirty face. "Where is everyone?"

Remus looked pained; his eyes welled with tears as he glanced at the mess.

"Remus!" Lily shrieked. "Tell me!"

"They—they…it's the Potters…"

Lily's heart seized in her chest. "James!" she screamed. "James!"

Remus grabbed her and pulled her to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "It's his parents. They were the targets." His eyes flitted to the Dark Mark. "Once they were hit, then everyone vanished."

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	20. Chapter 20

Thanks for the comments! I get so pumped to know that you enjoy reading that I decide to put off other things so I can focus more on writing.! I love to hear your general reactions to the chapters or the characters, so keep them coming!

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Lily gently brushed a black lock of hair away from James' face. It was almost a relief to see his face free from pain if even just because he had been sleeping.

The night had been horrible. It'd taken all three of the other Marauders to calm James long enough to prevent him from doing something idiotic that would surely get him killed. Then, in another bizarre turn, Dumbledore arrived at the Potter residence. He disappeared with James into Mr. Potter's study and eventually—when Sirius was had been pacing the yard like a caged animal for over an hour—Sirius grabbed Remus and Peter's arms and dragged them into the house.

Lily couldn't bring herself to join them.

This had been a calculated, _intentional_ attack by the Death Eaters.

She didn't want to read more into it than she should, but she couldn't stop thinking that the attack had been more to hurt James than to rid He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named of the Potters. The Potters were respected members of the community, wealthy, and obviously not dark wizards but what had they done to put themselves on _his _list? Did _he _even take out members for the community for wronging one of his Death Eaters?

She tried to banish that thought as quickly as it entered her mind. She'd been telling herself that the fire over the Easter Holiday had destroyed the house and everything in it. So far, she'd had nothing to dispute that fact.

It was a horrible fact that the Potters' deaths would be enough to cause more fear and that alone could be motivation. A not-so-subtle message that no one in the community was safe.

She gently kissed James' forehead then got dressed and went downstairs to make breakfast. She was startled to see Remus already sitting at the counter.

"Morning," he greeted her grimly. He had black circles under his red eyes and he looked worse than he did after transformation nights.

She forced a smile and started for the refrigerator. "Have you eaten yet?"

Remus shook his head.

"Have you even been to bed?"

He shook his head again.

Lily sighed as she grabbed a bottle of milk and several eggs. "Not good, Remus."

"How is James?"

"He didn't say much before we went to bed," Lily sighed. She wouldn't have known what to say if he had. "Where's Sirius? And Peter? Did they get any sleep?"

"Peter is still sleeping. Sirius went for a walk," Lupin answered, his voice soft as he twisted a coffee mug in his hands.

Lily raised her eyebrows quizzically and stopped gathering breakfast ingredients. "What aren't you telling me, Remus?" she asked, studying his face. He was by far the more pensive of the Marauders but usually the most open. "Why was Dumbledore here last night?"

"Because Dumbledore is head of the Order of the Phoenix," a dry voice said from the doorway.

Lily jumped at the sound of James' ragged voice. "I was hoping you'd get some more sleep."

He shook his head. "I can't just stay around here, Lily."

"James—" Remus said, his voice a warning.

"I'm doing it," James snapped, hitting the counter with his open palm.

"I'm in too, Prongs," Sirius said as he came in through the back door.

"Dumbledore said to take some time, James," Remus tried to reason.

"Wait…what?" Lily asked. She was missing something crucial here. Her mind began to race through possible scenarios to make sense of what they were talking about but nothing sounded remotely sane or plausible.

"I'm not asking you to join, Moony," James said coolly. "And after last night, if you think I can sit for another mind and let some son-of-a-bitch just walk—"

"What exactly are you going to do?" Lily asked but she was not the focus of the conversation.

"Prongs, you know that I'll stand by you. Dumbledore just meant that you might need to be more clearheaded—"

"I am clearheaded. I want to kill some evil sons of bitches and raise a little hell," he said, a dark glint in his eyes.

"James!" Lily cried, finally catching on. She stared in shock as James went back to the doorway and picked up a bag.

"Dumbledore said he'd be at Hogwarts for a few more days, then he's going underground. If I don't go now Lily, I could miss him."

"Wait. Just wait, James. This-this is crazy."

"This is the clearest I've been a while," he said softly, stopping in front of her. He pulled her to him and kissed her, gently at first, then harder, more needing, more desperate. "I know you were worried about a place to stay. Stay here. There are still some security enchantments; Dumbledore added a few last night. I'm sure you could add some yourself." James looked around the kitchen and started to pull some food from the cabinets. "Remus, go wake Peter. See if he's in."

"James, will you just talk to me?" Lily asked, her eyes welling with tears.

He turned and grabbed her arms. "There's no time for talking, Lily! We're in the middle of a war. You're safest here."

"Maybe I don't want to be safe!" She said, jerking away from him. She glanced desperately at Sirius for help but quickly realized he would be none. "I'm just as talented, if not better, than any of you with magic. Whatever idiotic scheme you think you can do, I can help."

The hardness in his eyes finally softened. James let the backpack slide from his shoulder and onto the ground. "Please, Lily. This is my fight. This is something I have to do, and I will be completely useless if I think you're in danger."

"You know, he's right. He's not particularly bloody useful now, and when you're around he becomes completely hopeless," Sirius said, leaning against a doorframe. "It would be even worse if he thought he was protecting you."

James shot Sirius a look and then turned back to Lily as he heard two sets of footsteps on the stairs. "There really isn't time Lily. If you check behind the picture in my room, you'll find all you need until I can check back in with you. Please, just stay safe. I'll send an owl after we meet with Dumbledore."

He gave her one last kiss and in a swirling of cloaks and bags, the four Marauders left her standing alone in the kitchen.

* * *

Lily had no choice but to wait. She waited all evening, then the following day, and the day after, without a word from any of them. The third day, she couldn't eat. She was sick with worry and didn't know what to do. She'd found the gold James had referred to and shook a small handful she'd taken. She would take the Knight Bus to Hogsmead then she would walk to the castle and make Dumbledore fill her in on everything he'd told the boys.

She packed a small overnight bag, just in case she was delayed, then stormed out of the house, flung out her wand arm and in moment the purple bus roared to a stop inches from her face. Lily boarded, told them where she wanted to go, then settled in.

The conductor tried to make small talk, he even tried hitting on her, but she pressed her lips tightly together, gave curt shakes of her head and he eventually left her alone.

The ride was filled with twist and turns, and she was lucky she hadn't been able to eat in the past twenty-four hours or she surely would have lost the contents of her stomach.

The village looked unchanged from all of the school trips but that suddenly struck her as off. After the attack, it seemed strange to see something so pure and wonderful remain untouched. She climbed off the bus and began her walk to the castle. She tried to think what she would say, what she would ask. Would Dumbledore be reluctant to tell her anything? Or would he be as open as he had been with the boys?

Her stomach started knotting and not just from the lack of food, but from her worry about the meeting with Dumbledore. She'd never been alone with him. She'd heard stories of his greatness, but would he match his reputation for kindness or would he kick her out of his office?

Though early in the afternoon, the sky was beginning to darken as she neared the gate. Her heart dropped a little to see the gates closed and locked. But surely, Filch or someone would be there to let her in.

She came to the gated and stopped. They hadn't swung magically open and no one had appeared to ask why she was there.

She reached out and rattled the gate. Nothing happened.

She tapped the lock with her wand. Still nothing.

"Hello?" she yelled. "Somebody? Anybody? I need help!"

Thunder cracked overhead and Lily felt the weather could not have matched her mood more. All it needed to do now was to start pouring and her perfect day would be complete.

With another crack of thunder, she got her wish.

"Oi, girl!" a woman called.

Lily turned and saw Madam Rosmerta waving from the door of her pub. "Come here before you catch your death!"

Lily hurried inside and thanked her. "I need to speak to Professor Dumbledore," she said, realizing how much desperation was in her voice.

"I'm sorry, dear, but Dumbledore left days ago."

"Do you know where I could find him?" Lily asked. She suddenly felt like a passenger on a sinking ship who was watching the last lifeboat drift away.

Rosmerta shook her head. "I don't. You could try an owl, they have an uncanny knack—"

"It will be too late then." She couldn't explain the feeling of darkness that was taking over, but she needed something kind of an answer now. "Thank you for getting me out of the rain," she said softly.

Rosmerta clapped her gently on the shoulder then stood to attend to other customers.

Lily leaned forward and rested her head on her hand and tried to make herself think through the frantic palpations of her heart.

Her world felt like it was crumbling. She couldn't go "home." She could imagine trying to live a "normal" life. She was in the middle of the wizarding world right now and she felt disconnected. She pressed her fingers to her temples and tried to think about the last time she'd felt truly connected to magic. Her immediate memories were of Hogwarts but that wasn't going to work. Then she considered times with James, times in Hogsmead, the times she was first discover she was a witch as a child.

Suddenly, Lily stood up. In her haste, she bumped the table and knocked over her candle and drink Rosmerta had been kind enough to leave. She pulled gold from her pocket, left it on the table, and hurried into the rain.

Destination, determination, and deliberation. The world squeezed around her and for a heart-stopping moment the world went black. Then she felt the ground beneath her feet, soft grass. The fresh smell of the lake and the mountain air.

Lily opened her eyes. The mountain side was dark but the moon was out enough for her to see the outline of the cabin. She looked around before she moved, just to be sure, but she saw nothing. There was no sign of anyone else on the mountain side. The cabin looked the same as when she'd left it with him.

Lily inhaled the mountain air deeply and tried to let her mind relax. This was peace. She could rest here until she could figure out her next move in finding Dumbledore and finding answer.

She walked to the cabin, shifting her bag over her back. She realized she was smiling as her mind replayed the happy days here, before things fell apart. She grabbed the knob and swung the door open. She was trying to remember where they'd left the lanterns and candles when a strong locked around her throat and another clamping around her waist holding her arms to her sides.

"What are you doing here?" a voice hissed in her ear.

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	21. Chapter 21

I can't say thank you enough to those people who take a couple of minutes to leave a few words! It really makes my day to hear the different thoughts.

I'd love to hear from some of my early reviewers if you're still reading. Just wanted to know what you think of the story's progress.

Thanks to those who added/favorited me! Hopefully I keep earning that compliment.

* * *

He could feel her neck against the crook of his arm, he could hear her ragged breaths and feel the labored rise and fall of her chest. He tightened his grip on her arms, pinning her body to his. "Answer me," he growled.

Why couldn't she leave him the hell alone? He'd done everything he could to make it appear as though he'd been destroyed with the house. For months he'd been tortured; but the new scars _they_ gave him didn't seem to compare to the open wound she caused in his chest.

She struggled against him, gasping for air. Disgusted with himself for another display of a lack of control he flung her free from him and back to the safety of the wall, clinging to the darkness.

Lily leaned over and coughed, sucking air into her grateful lungs. "I should kill you," she sneered.

"I wish you would," he said. He felt she was doing it slowly every day anyway. But it would be too kind for her to finish him off.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked.

"Why do you always insist on answer my questions with your own?" He said, his fingers curling around his wand.

"The Potters. Did you have anything to do with that?" Her eyes glinted in the moon light.

He crossed his arms. "What?"

"Why the bloody hell do you insist on keeping it dark?" she demanded, flicking her wand then letting out a soft gasp.

His fingers itched and he had to fight the urge to turn away. She apparently didn't appreciate his broken nose, black eyes, and the gashes on his cheek and forehead.

"What happened?" she asked, softly.

"It doesn't matter." He tried to retreat into the shadows again. "Why are you here?"

"I needed a place I felt safe. I felt like everything was crashing in around me, and I thought of the last time I felt happy, and safe, and in control, and I come here."

Severus scoffed. Her brain was addled. There was no reason for her to find this place safer than any other. If anything, the way she acted toward him, she should find it more dangerous.

Lily took a step toward him, her eyebrows knitted, her face concerned. "What happened, Severus?"

He started to take a step toward her but stopped himself. He couldn't do this. "A work accident," he answered, knowing she wouldn't like that response.

Lily's mouth tightened. "Were you there?"

Talking to this woman was like talking in riddles. She did nothing but ask questions on top of questions, but they were incomprehensible. "I've been here all night."

"But were you part of the attack on the Potters?" she asked.

He raised his eyebrows, finally paying attention to her statement. Now he was interested. Potter had been attacked?

"Tell me, Severus! Were you the reason they were killed?"

His interest morphed into confusion. If James had been killed he was quite certain she wouldn't have simply threatened to kill him, but she probably would have tried at least once already. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The bloody Death Eaters attacked at a graduation party and they killed James' parents! Did you have anything to do with that?' Her voice had reached shrill and her eyes were wild with anger.

Severus narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "I knew nothing."

"Liar," Lily spat.

"You're going to accuse me of lying?" he asked incredulously. "After every—after all the time—after the things you said…You're going to say I lied. Where the hell have you been the past several months, Lily? Right back in Potter's arms like nothing happened?"

"I went back to _life_, Severus! I didn't vanish so I could join some despicable—"

"You don't know what you're talking about," he interrupted.

"You're in with the worst of our kind, Severus! And you pretend that it's okay!"

"I don't pretend anything!" he snapped. "I found someone who appreciates me for my talents, and recognizes what I can do—"

"Is that what you think? Are you that much of a fool? You're a tool. A tool that he will play with while you're useful, and when you're not look at what happens! Your talents are getting you beaten."

He didn't know if he wanted to kick her out, kiss her, or lock her in a closet to make her shut up. He closed his eyes and struggled to remain calm. Why the hell did he find it so damn hard to remain composed around her? Why did she want to stay here and just scream at him? Why didn't she have the audacity to bitch him out and then leave?

"I can fix your nose," she said softly. "And the cuts are still bleeding."

She was infuriating. Severus leaned back against the wall, trying to force himself not to move any closer, not to give into her like he so desperately wanted to. He focused his energy on speaking clearly and slowly, forcing each word out past his nearly gritted teeth. "Why are you here?"

Lily dropped her eyes to her hands and shook her head. "Because I don't know where else to be. After the Death Eaters attacked, Dumbledore appeared. He spoke with James, the next morning they were gone and I haven't heard anything in days." Her composure was dropping away. Her voice was shaking like she was on the verge of tears. She stepped closer to him. "I thought—I thought you were dead."

He closed his eyes. He'd wanted her to think that. He wanted her to just continue on with what she was doing. He wanted her to forget him and he wanted desperately to forget her.

Now she was inches from him, he was backed into a corner with no where left to move. She reached up, slowly, tenderly, and touched the side of his face. Then her other hand was on his face. Small, cool hands, that soothed his burning skin.

He was losing the fight.

"Please let me clean you up," she said softly.

His head was nodding before he could stop himself. She took his head and led him to the bathroom. She grabbed a rag and gently dabbed at his face. She was reaching for her wand when his hand locked around her wrist. "I don't want it healed magically," he said.

Lily raised her eyebrows in confusion. "Why not?"

He started to answer when the front door slammed. "Fuck," he hissed, his eyes growing wide. He grabbed her upper arms and pulled her close to him. "When I open the bathroom door it will block the view into the bedroom. You need to get in there and hide. Do not make a sound, they will not hesitate to kill me or you."

He didn't have time to explain any further. He flung open the door and felt her move behind him. He hoped that he'd given her enough time as he shut the door so he could get past in the narrow hallway.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" he asked coolly.

Rookwood glowered at him. "Do you have the potion?"

"I have several, which one in particular are you looking for?"

"The one for werewolves. Why he fuck he wants to deal with the maniac Fenrir...the crazy son-of-a-bitch will kill us all."

Severus gave a curt nod but raise his eyebrows to Avery.

"Give me something interesting," the other man chuckled.

"I don't know what you mean by _interesting_," Severus sneered.

"You know, Snape. Something that will have some kind of _fun _effect."

"Any number of these can have a fun effect if you are not specific or intelligent enough to specify what you want."

"Give me the damn werewolf potion so we can get back to them," Roodwood snapped.

Severus went into the tiny kitchen, grabbed a vial and handed it over.

"What the hell are you doing in this Muggle hovel, anyway?" Rookwood asked.

"Several of these are particular and need exact conditions. I have less chance of being disturbed out here than I did in the city. Unless you plan on making this a habit?"

Rookwood rolled his eyes. "You're pretty fucked up, Snape. Not sure what the hell he sees in you, but this shit better be worth putting up with you." With that, he grabbed Avery's arm, dragged the other man outside, and they were gone.

Lily was sitting on the bed when he returned. "So, this is what you do now?" She looked hurt, confused, and even a little disgusted.

Severus raised his eyebrows and leaned against the door frame.

"I figured—I thought it was what it had to be over the holiday when you vanished, then showed up all beaten…but I kept hoping I was wrong."

"Why?" he asked.

Lily looked up, finally meeting his eyes through messy strands of red hair. "Because I didn't want that to be who you are."

He narrowed his eyes. "Who do you want me to be?"

Lily licked her lips and swallowed as she looked at the ceiling. "I don't want to fight with you, Sev."

"What do you want to do then?" he asked.

Lily stood up and adjusted her top. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Probably not," Severus agreed.

Lily glared at him, hey eyes registering hurt, then anger again. "I'll be leaving then." She tried to push past him, but he grabbed her arm and pushed her back against the doorframe. Her eyes widen and before she could say anything, before he could stop himself, his lips were on hers.

* * *

Here's the interesting part, keeping them together when they have so many reasons to be apart…

Please leave a comment!


	22. Chapter 22

Thanks to my two guest for your comments! To the guest who was confused, sometimes I feel the same way! I know overall I'm in control of the characters, but sometimes it's like the do what they want and I have to figure out what happened.

Thanks again to those who've added me! Glad to have you and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Severus jerked away from her almost as quickly as he'd leaned in. He wheeled away from her and tried to force himself to take deep steading breaths. "I think you should leave," he said.

"Severus," Lily said softly. She wished she could control the trembling in her voice. What could she say to him? That she wasn't sorry he'd kissed her? That it just confused her more? There wasn't anything she could say to make this easier. "I don't want to leave it like this."

She could see the muscles in his back tense and he folded his arms across his chest. "You really should leave."

"I'm not sorry I came," she said softly, moving past him and into the hallway.

* * *

Two weeks later, Lily rolled over and stared at the ceiling. She was back in the Potter's house. She still hadn't gotten any indication about James or the others, and chasing Dumbledore was a dead end.

She hadn't expected it, though part of her had been hoping, but she hadn't heard from Severus either.

Reluctantly, she rolled out of bed. Without any information, she felt like she was dragging herself through every moment. She hated being alone with nothing to occupy her time. The house was stocked with everything a single person could need and she occupied herself by taking walks then apparating to Diagon Alley if she did need something. James had told her the short walk was necessary because of the protection spells on the house.

Her stomach gave a sudden, painful lurch as she realized there _weren't _any protection spells on the house. If Mr. Potter had cast the spells, they would have broken when he died.

She'd been too preoccupied with James and Severus to think straight about her own protection.

She grabbed her wand off the bedside table and started muttering every protective spell she knew, she threw in a few trick spells James and Sirius used to use when they'd wanted to use an empty classroom but have a warning if a teacher was coming.

When she ran out of spells, Lily took a few deep breaths to calm herself down again, stood up and made the bed then went downstairs. She wasn't really hungry but eating was something to do. She decided on biscuits and an omelet, not because she was hungry, but because it would take a bit of concentration to make the breakfast.

She grabbed the ingredients and started mixing. Every time her mind began to wander, she started reciting ingredients to the more complex potions she'd learned during her last year. If her brain didn't back off, she was going to go to Diagon Alley and get the ingredients for the most complex potion she could find and refuse to rest until she perfected it.

She thought suddenly of the old potion master and wondered if he would have connection to get her a job. She made a mental note to follow up later in the day.

Her focus paid off when she pulled golden biscuits from the oven and placed two piping hot ones next to a perfectly cooked omelet. She carried her breakfast to the table and sat down. She was halfway through her mean when a sudden tapping at the window made the fork clatter to the floor as she jumped out of her seat. She jerked around to look at the window and met the wide bright eyes of an owl.

"You all need bells," she scolded it gently, reaching for something to pay it with. She took a copy of the _Daily Prophet_, dropped the money into the pouch, and returned to the table with the paper and a new fork.

She took another bite as she unfolded the paper and started to read.

_Ministry a Mess After Miserable Spinner's End Raid._

Her uneasy stomach gave another unhelp lunch as her eyes rapidly raked the article. The article said Death Eater activity was reported the previous day by an anonymous source. When Ministry officials arrived, they were met with male sources who were attempting to surround a residence insisting Death Eaters were inside. According to witnesses, a darkness fell over the street and a battle erupted. No arrests were made but there were at least two reported deaths and a third taken to St. Mungos to be treated for serious injuries.

The room suddenly swam out of focus. Spinner's End. Reports of know Death Eaters. Two victims and a third in St. Mungos…

Her stomach heave and she barely made it into the bathroom to lose the entire contents of her stomach. Wracking sobs pushed her body to the floor as she clung to the toilet. She tried to tell herself she was jumping to conclusions but it made too much sense. Why she hadn't heard a word…

Male sources…

Again, her stomach lurched and she clung to the toilet.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed on the ground but it was until her face was red and sore, her throat hurt, and she felt drained of every ounce of energy her body possessed.

Lily struggled to her feet feeling lightheaded and dizzy. She splashed water on her face and willed herself to pull it together. She somehow managed to get her faced washed and as she struggled to focus, she pushed herself to get dressed.

She would make herself go to the hospital. There had to be answers there.

She gathered her things into a bag, then walked to the curb. Despite the horrible shape her pathetic stomach was in, she knew she couldn't bring her fuzzy brain to concentrate enough to make apparation safe. She flung out her wand hand, then climbed onto the roller coaster of a bus.

Lily pleaded with her stomach to not throw up the entire ride until she was finally deposited safely outside the worn warehouse. She was about to step up to the glass with the mannequins when she heard a shrill hoot behind her.

Startled, she turned and stumbled back from a familiar looking owl that missed her head by mere inches and she swooped past her, dropping a letter in its flight. Surprised by its aggressive demeanor, it took her a few second to realize the owl was James'.

Hope soared in her chest as she flipped the letter in her hand. Her name was scrawled in his familiar scratch on the front on a dirty and crinkled scroll. She ripped it open, it was a fragment of a piece of paper, written in haste: _Lily, I can't explain but we have a lead. We've called in ministry officials. I should have thought to look here first…I'll explain when I see you tonight. I just hope you'll believe me. _

She looked at the date across from her name. It was dated yesterday.

Yesterday...

Ministry officials…

Look there first…

Believe him…

A cry locked in her throat. She tried to call out, she tried to think, to control her body as she stumbled back. He just hoped she could believe him. It was dated yesterday…

Her legs gave out as she fell through the glass into a crumpled heap on the floor the letter clutched in her hands and her world went black.

* * *

Love it? Hate it? Please leave a comment!


	23. Chapter 23

First of all thank you for the awesome reviews!

Welcome back Alethea27, your comments always make me smile.

Sharecrow, I think you may find this a particularly interesting chapter…

Suitiablycontrary, you were right on, I think due to my own hiatus, I was struggling to get back into the story because I knew where I wanted to get them, but I needed them to move faster. I can happily tell you that I won't be adding any more time jumps. Hopefully the following chapters will give you everything you've been looking for.

Everyone else, I hope you also find the chapters make up for the previous jumpiness of the other chapters! Hope to hear from you!

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Severus rolled his eyes as he overheard snippets of the conversation in the other room. He hated that these morons had invaded this cabin. This was supposed to be his refuge, but the Dark Lord wanted him out of Spinner's End. He never said why. He never explained himself and Severus realized that if staying alive was importation to him he wouldn't question the Dark Lord's motivation.

He was becoming quite skilled at Occulumency though. He was constantly categorizing his thoughts, locking them away into the darkest recesses of his mind. The Dark Lord's skill at Legilimency could not be rivaled and Severus could not let his mind be his weakness…

But the only thing he couldn't contain were thoughts of her.

He had enough control of his thoughts to give her black hair, to modify the shape of her nose, the slant of her eyebrows. But she was still herself in his thoughts. Her beautiful smile, her sharp wit, her fiery defiance…he felt the familiar twist in his stomach as he thought of her. The ache inside his chest ripped open just a bit wider.

"After the raid," Crabbe snorted. "Some ginger bitch showed up in St. Mungos. Crashed right through the front door and passes out. All she could do was keep muttering Spinner's End. Spinner's End."

Goyle chortled. "They'll realized his power soon enough. I love to watch them crumble."

Snape's fingers tightened around the handle of his silver knife. Just because they said "ginger" didn't mean it was her. He was just associating the two because it was where they grew up. It couldn't possibly be Lily.

"Maybe they should start a grief center," Crabbe continued. "They're going to need it. I'm pretty sure she was at Hogwarts. She's just the first of the Mudbloods—"

Severus put the knife down and entered the small living room. "Is there anything else you need?" He hated this. He could have easily out cursed them, but until he gained more respect he was simply a chef, mixing and storing potions they may need.

"You expecting someone, Snape?" Goyle sneered.

Severus made his face remain impassive. "I need some ingredients. And I highly doubt you can select the proper boomslang skin or have the delicacy to select a lovage." He was lying of course, but these two never had to know this.

"Go do your shopping," Goyle sneered. "We'll stay here."

Severus sighed. He didn't want them in the house, but if he stayed any longer he was afraid he was going to start interrogating them. Though they were utter morons, if they even remotely thought he had any interest in her, there was no telling what they could try to do to her. "You're more than welcome to go into the kitchen because if you disturb anything, there is the very likely chance you will cause an adverse reaction that will either explode or do permanent damage. So feel free to help yourself."

He didn't look over his shoulder as he swept out the door but a smirk tugged at his lips.

Moments later he appeared outside the building housing St. Mungos. He knew he shouldn't go in. There was nothing to be gained from the unexpected visit, but that didn't stop him.

He stepped through the glass and took note of his surrounds as was becoming his habit. There wasn't anyone out of place in the waiting room. Witches, wizards, and children crowded the waiting area, but the witch at the reception desk was free. He walked forward. "I need the room information for Lily Evans."

As the words were leaving his lips, he realized he was hoping she'd tell him they didn't have a patient by that name.

"First floor, room 156."

"Does it list what she's in for?" He asked, suddenly realized that he wanted to brace himself. Did he even want to go down that hallway? He had his confirmation, why didn't he just leave now?

The witch raised perfectly pluck and overly penciled eyebrows. "Can I help you, sir?" She asked a woman behind Severus.

He moved away from her to the hallway. He shouldn't go down that way. He should just leave. But he couldn't. His feet carried him down the halls following signs until he stood in front of her room.

The door was open.

His brain pleaded with him to turn around, to walk away before it was too late. But he never listened.

He looked inside the room.

There she was. Her red hair was limp on white pillows, her complexion sallow. A steady, soft chiming came from behind the bed.

"Can I help you dear?" An elderly witch salt and pepper hair asked. "Are you here to see Miss Evans?"

Severus turned, meeting her wide blue eyes with his own dark ones. "I am."

"How is she doing?" He knew his abilities, he would not hesitate to press the witch for the information he wanted. But he didn't want to alarm her. If she realized what he was doing, she could easily cause too many problems for him. He'd gone too far out of his way to hide Lily from the Dark Lord's anger to have a stupid incident at a hospital he shouldn't even be at and be the reason the Dark Lord knew about the girl. He smiled, softening his expression the way he'd perfected. A smile was the first step in easy manipulation.

He was pleased to realize he didn't have to press the woman at all. Her face lit up, she was genuinely pleased that Lily had a visitor. "She's doing much better. She was so upset when she first came in." She looked over at Lily in the bed and sighed softly. "She's sedated right now. But we were worried about doing even that."

"Why?" Severus asked, his voice a little too sharp. Why did Lily need to be sedated? Calming potions were nothing, children could take them. Hell, they were simple enough that a child could concoct them. Sedation for a witch or a wizard was an entirely different issue.

The Medi-witch was taken aback by his tone. She stepped away from him and looked him up and down. "Did you say that you're family, young man?"

Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Because of a little change in his tone, she was going to get all ruffled. He forced himself to give her a gentle smile, leaning ever-so slightly to get her to look into his eyes. "I'm not family."

The witch was on her guard now. She tried to resist looking at him and glanced down the hallway. "We've been trying to contact her family…"

"I'm the closest thing she has to family," he said smoothly. This caught the witch's attention and she softened again. "Sedation seems serious. I was told she was just overly upset when she came in…I thought she would just be given a calming draft—"

"She wasn't just upset, she was hysterical. But it's not the poor dear's fault. Hormones can do that to a young woman. She must have read that upsetting article—"

"Hormones?" Severus interrupted. What the hell had Lily been doing? "Something is wrong with her hormones?"

The witch smile kindly at him. "Many young women find pregnancy hormones to be overwhelming."

* * *

What did you think? Please leave a comment!


	24. Chapter 24

Thank you all so much for the reviews! That's the most for one chapter so far! I wanted to make sure to get the thoughts in this one right, but there are more goodies coming up!

* * *

Severus glared at the young woman in the bed across the room. He'd found himself unable to form a coherent sentence after the medi-witch told him that Lily was pregnant.

His eyes rake Lily's body covered by a thin blanket and sheet. She didn't look any different. But apparently she was.

She was quite different.

She was pregnant.

The phrase rolled around in his head. He couldn't focus. He couldn't make it register that it was real.

Severus was wishing he could track the witch down and pull every piece of Lily's medical history out of her mind, but he hadn't been able to make his thoughts focus. If he tried to talk to the witch now there was no telling what kind of damage he would inadvertently do.

Lily was eighteen. She had just graduated. And she was pregnant.

How far along was she?

His brain was kind enough to replay their Holiday together.

He knew there was a damn good chance he could be—well, logically, there was a chance…but was he the only one?

He leaned against the window and stared out at Muggle London.

She'd picked up with Potter. She hadn't denied it.

He turned back and looked at her sleeping form. She hadn't been reluctant with him. She'd been quite impressive. He certainly couldn't complain. He wouldn't compliment himself and say that it had been her first time. Not that he had any kind of comparison, but she'd known what she was doing…

He let out long groan. What the hell was he going to do? Why did he even have to leave the damn mountainside cabin? He should have stayed in the damn cabin where things weren't complicated. There was a huge part of his mind that was telling him to return to the cabin. That he could just leave her alone. If she wanted him to know, she found him once she could find him again to tell him.

He knew he couldn't leave her like this. His hands were still badly shaking and he would definitely make good on the threat to Goyle about blowing up the cabin.

The moment the medi-witch came back him, he'd pull every bit of information about Lily from her mind. He could do the math. He could figure it out.

But what if she'd been with Potter before the break? Or right after? Would he be able to determine that?

Severus ran his hands through his hair. What options did he have?

He walked over to the chair and started to sit, but the idea of remaining still just wasn't appealing and before he'd even lowered himself into the chair, he crossed the room again. He tapped his long fingers to his chin and tried to clear his mind.

He had to focus. If he was summoned and he couldn't get his mind in check, he was as good as dead. She was as good as dead too, just to punish him.

Closing his eyes, he let a long stream of air past his lips. He heard voices in the hall and instinctively moved out of sight.

He couldn't risk the medi-witch right now.

Then his heart did a weird skip in his chest. What if it was Potter?

How would he explain being here?

The voiced faded away and he let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

He moved over to the bed and looked down at her. She looked like she was sleeping, but she didn't look well. Her skin was too pale, her cheeks too thin. He narrowed his eyes. Was this from the pregnancy? He'd never been around a pregnant witch before.

The words pregnant and Lily just didn't agree in his head.

He reached for his hand, but something stopped him. Did she know? Did she know when she'd come to see him? Should he have actually talked to her? Was that the reason she'd shown up?

He closed his eyes and went back to the wall across from the bed and leaned against it. He'd spent the time from his "disappearance" until that night she'd show up convincing himself Easter had been a mistake. That he'd been a sort of rebound from her fight with James. And that by removing himself, he was really doing them both a favor.

It'd worked at first. He'd had things to occupy his time. There were demands for difficult potions, orders to brew potions from books that had been banned long ago from Hogwarts. A distraction at that time could have been quite deadly. He wasn't sure if his death hadn't been the real intent when he'd been assigned those potions. But he brewed with skill and eventually, he'd become the apothecary. No one in their inner circle could go to St. Mungos, there was the potential for too many questions. So, he made healing potions. He made poisons. He made it all.

When she'd shown up, it threw him off. He knew Rookwood and Avery would arrive that night. Not the night they'd trapped him and the other initiates, nor the night when they'd attacked the house on Spinner's End did he feel fear the way he felt it that night. He was sure they would find her. Several members thought that it was their privilege to _'have fun'_ with Muggle-borns.

He closed his eyes and tried to push the thought away, but he couldn't. Once he'd gotten them out and she was looking at him with the disgust in her face and he knew he couldn't keep it together with her in the house. But then she'd started past him. The soft scent of flowers wrapped around him, engulfing him, the next thing he knew, he had her pressed into the wall and he was kissing her.

It'd taken every ounce of willpower he obviously didn't possess to push away from her. He had had a tenuous grip on reality and all he wanted to do was scoop her into his arms and carry her back to the bed. If that had happened, he surely would have missed any approach, and that would have meant death for both of them.

"Oh, Lily," he said softly, sliding down the wall until he was on the floor.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew he had to protect her. And h—the child. It was _the _child right now. Until he knew differently. This was not all about Lily. What she told him would tell him volumes. He wanted her to tell him she was pregnant. His heart seized a bit in his chest as he realized what he really meant was he wanted her to tell him she was pregnant with _his child._

He stood up and was moving to the bed, when the ground beneath his feet trembled. Severus jerked around to the window. The sky had grown inexplicably dark even though it was early afternoon.

Realization dawned on him.

He'd over heard them discussing a Muggle attack in London. He hadn't been privileged enough to get more information, the time or date, but the signs were there.

Suddenly, another tremor rocked the hospital, this one threw him off balance. A voice came over the loud speaker trying to assure people.

Severus knew different. He didn't know the details of the plan, but he knew the hospital would suddenly be flooded by officials trying to mend Muggles and modify memories form whatever building had just been destroyed, no doubt a large, public gathering.

He began to meticulously search the room, grabbing the bag of clothes she'd been wearing bag, then he grabbed her hand and dissapparated.

* * *

What do you think? Still interesting? Please leave a comment (I really think it helps me write faster)!


	25. Chapter 25

You all are so awesome with the reviews! **Mrs. Potter**, hopefully this is quick enough; **Sharecrow**, you may have to wait a few chapters to find that out; **Professor** **Radar**, welcome back, I know the story has taken a few twist since your last comment but I'm glad I haven't lost you! **Inphemera**, thank you so much; **bbu22**, I'm being sneaky with cliff hangers and trying to ensure you come back (or leave a comment, ha ha); **Grapes**, so glad you love it, and it's awesome comments like all of these that push me to update quickly!

Everyone else, hopefully you like what you read enough to come back again and maybe I'll hit on something that inspires you to drop a comment!

* * *

The world was tilting and swaying. Lily moaned softly; her head hurt and her stomach felt queasy. She dimly registered that she was being carried by someone strong and warm. She wanted to open her eyes, but that just took too much energy.

Sometime later, the world was still again, and she heard the soft clinking of dishes. She finally pried her eyes open and looked around the room and panic started to set in.

This most certainly wasn't a hospital.

Where the hell was she?

The last thing she could remember she was walking into St. Mungos, then everything went black…

She sat up and looked around. The house looked like something that her Muggle grandparents would have lived in. A floral print dominated the room from the couches to the wallpaper and to the curtains.

She did a quick inventory of herself. Except for a pounding headache, she felt okay. She was dressed in the clothes she'd worn to St. Mungos and her bag was at her feet.

In another room, she heard more sounds of someone rooting around in a cabinet. She grabbed her bag and searched the pockets for her wand. Her fingers wrapped around it and she stood up quickly and moved to the wall trying to pinpoint the sound.

She wasn't sure what she was doing here and she wasn't sure why the idiot had left her armed, but she wasn't going to be taken by surprise.

She took several deep breaths to slow her racing heart and moved toward the door. The clinking of dishes mean the sound was likely coming from the kitchen or dining room. From her current position, she could see into the dining room but didn't see any sign that someone was in that room. She moved slowly forward.

Whoever had taken her must be in the kitchen then.

Lily began to run curses through her mind, what would be the best one to incapacitate her assailant—kidnapper?—while still allowing them to answer questions? She decided on the hex, moved forward and shoved the door open. It bashed into someone.

"What the hell!" A deep male voice yelled.

"Stop!" Lily cried. Then she registered the voice. "Severus?"

Several dished banged onto the count and he jerked around to face her.

Lily's eyes grew wide and she clamped her hands over her mouth. "Oh my—I'm sorry! I just woke up—I heard noise—I was a little panicked…" She moved her hand to her temple and briefly closed her eyes, suddenly feeling dizzy.

"Come sit down," he said through gritted teeth as he took her elbow and led her to a chair.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "Wait—What are you doing here? Where is here? Why am I here?"

"I'm fine. I brought you here. A town outside of London to keep you safe."

This wasn't helping her dizzy feeling. Why could he want to keep her safe? What kind of danger could she possibly be in? She wasn't any kind of threat. She was a recent, jobless graduate. "What do you mean to keep me safe?"

Severus hesitated. "You were in St. Mungos. I heard rumors that you were there. I came to see you and there was a _disturbance_ in London."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "What kind of _disturbance_, Sev?"

He reacted to her tone. "I'm not quite sure, Lily. I was with you."

She closed her eyes, willing herself not to fight with him. It wasn't fair for her to act this way. What if he really was trying to keep her safe? He had connections. He knew things. "Thank you. For getting me out," she said softly. "But it's St. Mungo's, I would have been fine…"

Severus shrugged his thin shoulders. "The only way I could be sure would be to bring you with me."

"So where are we? I know outside of London, but…"

"A village, I don't remember the name, but I do know that this house will remain empty. It will suffice for now."

For now? How long did he think she was going to be here? Lily bit down on her lip. She hated these half answers.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

She shook her head.

Severus crossed to her and stood in front of her. "You need to eat," he said softly. "They had to sedate you at the hospital."

Sedation? Witches and wizards didn't need sedation. Why would she need sedation? Tears suddenly sprang to her eyes as she remembered why she'd gone to St. Mungo's... Lily tried to look away, she couldn't stare into the dark onyx of his eyes and hold herself together.

"What's wrong, Lily?"

Her heart thudded dully in her chest as she struggled to regain control. "This is wrong," she said, trying to push her chair away from him, but she was against the wall with no where to go.

Severus stood up, his expression puzzled. "What?"

"This," she cried impatiently, waving her hand between them. Her voice was catching in her throat.

"Me trying to get you to eat?" he asked, but his tone clearly indicated he knew there was more.

"You want to pretend everything is okay," she said. "What do you know about the attack on your house?"

Severus closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his head. "I wasn't there."

"That's not what I asked," Lily snapped. The room was going fuzzy; her head was spinning. "What do you know about James? About Sirius? About Peter? You know there were there."

"But I wasn't," he said slowly.

"Damn it, Severus!" She said, smacking her hand onto the talk. She stood up and wheeled away from him. "You know what is going on out there!"

"Lily, please sit down," he said through gritted teeth. He shoved backed away from her as though her were a ticking bomb.

"No. I'm not going to sit down. I'm not going to pretend that what you're doing is right."

His face was taking on a stony quality, like someone was magically pulling all the emotion out of him.

"Stop it," she snapped.

His mouth was a thin line but he raised his eyebrows. "Would you like to clarify what you would like for me to stop?"

"Stop shutting down. Stop running away from everything. Isn't that all that your little gang is about? Don't you face challenges? Don't you seek control? What would they think of you right now?"

"That I am exercising a great deal of restraint," he snarled. "Why are you attacking me?"

"Because you stand there and pretend that everything is okay!"

"What do you want from me, Lily?" he demanded. "I'm doing everything I can for you!"

"I don't need you!" she snapped. "What I need from you is honesty and you refuse to give me even that. I can't depend on you if you don't tell me anything!"

"Secrets? You want to talk about Secrets? We could be here for days talking about the things that you insist on keeping from me." Severus shook his head and threw his hands into the air. "I'm not going to stand here arguing with you. Sit down, eat breakfast, and maybe when you're feeling more rational, we can continue our discussion."

He turned his back on her and started to leave the room.

Lily couldn't think straight. She grabbed the nearest object, a glass of orange juice he'd put on the counter, and flung it in his direction.

Severus froze, his shoulders tensed, his head turned slowly toward the shattered glass on the floor. "Repario," he murmured. The pieces of the glass flew together and reassembled themselves into a solid piece on the counter top.

Lily dragged air past her clenched teeth, her chest heaving. She wasn't sure if she was glad she missed him or not.

Severus turned, his black eyes glinting. "Do you know what your problem is?" he hissed. "You the one with the problem. You're the one who is running. I am who I am. I make no qualms about it. You are the one who insists on pretending that you live in a perfect little world. You want answers that I can't give you about Potter because you refuse to accept that he left you. He rushed off without a plan and faced something he couldn't handle. Instead of realizing that, you're trying to turn this around on me. I'm the one who was at the hospital. I'm the one who got you out. But you refuse to register that because I don't fit your idea of perfect."

Lily started to protest, hot tears spilling over her cheeks. He didn't understand, he was twisting her words…

But Severus cut her off. "You need to open your eyes and see what the hell is right in front of you instead of looking for something that isn't there." His chest rapidly rose and feel and his hands were clenched into fists at his sides. "Realize it before it's gone too."

With that, he turned on and stormed out of the kitchen.

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Thanks for reading! I'm trying to push Lily out of her weakling phase because she does seem to wimp out quite a bit. Hopefully she gained a bit of a backbone in this chapter and she doesn't come across as so whiney…

Please leave a comment!


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for the awesome reviews! You all rock so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter. (This is a short one, but it means that an update will soon follow!)

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Severus sat with his elbows on his knees, his palms pressed into his eyes. How he _hated_ fighting with her. He hated her for her ostentatious defiance and at the same time, he knew it was something so much more than hate.

He thought about her temper, the fire that raged behind her eyes. He wished she would just let her take care of her. He knew he could keep her safe. But she didn't want that. She was so damn stubborn. She didn't think she needed to be take care of.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. She didn't _know_ she was pregnant.

Sighing, he fell back onto the bed. This woman would surely be the death of him. How the hell could he be the one to tell her that she was going to be a mother? Did he even want to open that door? Didn't he want _her_ to come to him and announce the happy news? How would she even react if he brought it up? Would she believe him? Would it cause another fight?

But maybe, just maybe, if she knew then she would understand why it was so imperative that she take her safety more seriously.

He rested his arm across his eyes as he listened to the stillness of the house. He'd heard her opening doors before and he was pretty sure that she'd gone to bed.

A dark thought worked its way into his mind. What if it was his and she didn't want it. His stomach gave a violent shudder. Surely, that wouldn't happen. He knew she cared about him. It had been Potter that had kept them apart.

He groaned and pulled himself off the bed. He couldn't stand this.

How long could she go without knowing she was pregnant? Surely her body would start giving her signals. If it had been over the Holiday, then she was at least three months along. Didn't most women start showing at that point? He rolled his eyes, maybe he should get one of those Muggle books that explained pregnancy to someone who didn't have a clue.

Lily was so stressed that she didn't seem to be putting her health as a priority. Maybe she wasn't eating correctly.

He couldn't keep this information from her. He would—

Suddenly, a searing burn shot up his left arm. Severus gritted his teeth. The pain intentionally not subtle so it could not be ignored.

He hoped that Lily was asleep and would stay that way for some time.

He wrenched his eyes close, focusing through the pain, the link. His body felt as though it was being engulfed, wrapped in a smothering darkness, the fire in his arm burning hotter, black smoke pulling him through space, until his feet touched down in an opulent room.

He was sure this was Lestrange mansion. The only light in the room came from the crackling fireplace, a dark figure stood near the hearth. A woman and another man stood a few feet away.

"Leave us," the man by the fire hissed.

The man and woman, Severus was sure it was Rodolphus and Bellatrix, left the room without a word.

The Dark Lord turned from the fire, the light casting shadows across his face. He narrowed his eyes at Severus. Then, in almost a whisper he said, "Crucio."

Pain took over. Every nerve in his body was consumed by agony. His legs gave; he crashed to his knees in front of the Dark Lord. His muscles convulsed as though every fiber way try to rip apart.

As quickly as the pain had taken over, it stopped.

Though the pain was gone, Severus' body was shaking, his breathing was short. He was sure he'd been screaming.

"You were given an assignment," the Dark Lord snarled.

"Yes, my Lord," he gasped.

"Did you feel you could just abandon that post?"

"No, my Lord." The Dark Lord's hand around the wand twitched. Severus desperately cleared his mind. "There are so many coming to that cabin…Several potions cannot be disturbed…" He was trying to convince his muscles to relax, but trying to brace himself for more pain. "I should have requested an audience with you. I should have asked permission to find a more suitable place…"

The Dark Lord said nothing. Severus didn't know how much longer he had until he was cursed again. He had not been summoned just to be punished, that could have been left to someone else; a private audience with the Dark Lord meant something more.

"I tire of your excuses. You push my patience," the Dark Lord said.

Severus dropped his head, looking at his hands, suddenly regretting everything he'd never said to Lily.

"I require a Veritaserum. You need not know why, just know that if anything goes wrong you will pay dearly."

"My Lord," Severus said softly. "I'd like to return to Spinners End—"

He words were cut off by another crushing wave of pain. He fell forward but the violent wracking of his body gave his arms little chance to support his weight. Just before he was sure he was going to fall forward and bash his head into stone lining the fireplace, he curse was lifted.

"You wants are not part of my consideration."

Severus' breathing was ragged, his lungs still felt like they were on fire and his vision was blurred. "I—I just have more s-supplies there. The traffic at the cabin could ruin the potions." He wanted to shut up but it was like the last curse had disconnected his brain from common sense. "I could deliver potions daily, but I cannot work around so many…"

"I am not unreasonable," the Dark Lord said slowly. "But you try my patience, Severus Snape. I will grant you this. I will limit those who go to Spinner's End. You will not disappoint me again. You will remember what is your priority. Do you know what happens to those who forget?"

The Dark Lord was not subtle. Severus knew the curse was going to happen. He muscles did not hold him any longer. He collapsed onto the floor, his body seizing with the pain, He jerked and thrashed. His vision darkened, but he did not pass out as he hoped.

The spell was lifted, but Severus could not move. He was vaguely aware that he was alone now. He could taste copper in his mouth. He tried to think but bands of pain wrapped around his chest. He started coughing. More blood. Severus rolled to his side, then onto his knees. He had to get out of here.

Bellatrix was like a hyena; she would sense his weakness and pounce.

With a trembling hand, he grabbed his wand and in moments, he was on the floor inside the Muggle house. Then he blissfully passed out.

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What did you think? What part is everyone looking forward to What parts keeps you coming back? Even though I know where the story is headed, I love the feedback because I feel like knowing what to weave in is an extra challenge and it will really help with the upcoming chapters. Please leave a comment!


	27. Chapter 27

Doomsday2012, no promises yet but glad to have you back! Grapes, I love to read your comments, they always make me smile; bbu22, I'm so glad you enjoyed that chapter, I was very worried about striking the right balance with him! Professor Radar your reviews make me chuckle, you have such great opinions and I love to read them!

Everyone else, welcome back! Our favorite couple have some interesting turns for them coming up but hopefully you'll enjoy reading about them…

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Lily moaned and rolled onto her back. Her stomach was tossing and she felt nauseous. She groaned then rolled onto her side and pulled her knees to her chest. She probably should have listened to Severus and eaten before she went to bed, but eating just seemed like a hassle. Recently nothing seemed to taste good anyway and it felt like more work than anything trying to keep down what she did eat.

Realizing that her position in the bed was not going to help her relax, she pulled herself slowly out of bed and looked at the clock. It was after three in the morning. Wonderful.

Well, maybe she could surprise Severus with breakfast and try to make up for last night.

She shook her head and sighed. It really wasn't his fault, but it just felt too much like everything was crashing in around her when he turned so serious.

She knew there was too much truth in the things he said.

She grabbed a hair tie from the dresser and pulled her red mane away from her face and made the bed.

She was stalling. If she kept herself busy with menial tasks, she wouldn't have to focus on what really mattered.

Like what he said.

Maybe he really didn't know what was going on. Maybe he had been just as surprised by the attack on his house as they'd been. Maybe he had been a target of the attack?

But how did he get away?

Lily sighed and shook her head. There were so many questions that she wanted answers to. If she only had them then maybe she could focus. Maybe she could finally get her brain to settle.

But wasn't she just trying to avoid the same thing she'd always been working to avoid?

She didn't want to face her feelings for Severus. Lily sat down on the bed and shook her head.

Lily and Severus. That had never been a real option. Not from the first time Petunia saw them together and called them freaks. Not from the time she'd been marked as a Gryffindor and he was pronounced a Slytherin. And certainly not from the time he'd called her a _Mudblood._

Yet look at her now.

She was drawn to him. She craved to be near him, to hear the soft rasp of his voice. To stare into the black depths of his eyes. She felt safe when he wrapped his arms around her. And Merlin forbid, she felt complete when he would dip his head low to kiss her…

Her stomach gave a little lurch and Lily stood quickly.

Everything told her a relationship with Severus was wrong. She'd just graduated. She had no idea what she was doing with his life, but she was fairly certain she knew what he would be doing for the rest of his. He had a dark side.

And that was a side that terrified her. It was a side she didn't know. A side she didn't think she could compete with.

So why hadn't she left?

_Because you love him_, a soft voice whispered somewhere in the back of her mind.

Lily felt as if someone had slammed a wooden plank into her chest. She couldn't. She couldn't love him.

But the thought had free reign and it was like it had unchained something from around her heart. She couldn't seem to get a full breath, but she felt somehow lighter.

She loved him.

She stumbled from the bed and started for the door suddenly unable to stay still.

Should she tell him? Could she tell him? How could she explain her erratic behavior? Maybe that she was a fool in love?

_Fantastic, Lily_, she chided herself. _It's four in the morning, Sev, I just wanted to wake you and tell you that I love you. No I'm not crazy. Or dreaming. I'm just having an epiphany_. She sounded like a moron to herself.

Was there a right way to tell him?

At the moment she didn't care, she just needed to see him. Maybe if she spoke with him, not about _that_ but just to clear the air between them, maybe she could get some perspective.

Lily pulled the door open. Which room was he in? Right, the first one at the top of the stairs had had a light on when she went to bed.

She started forward but then she realized she was not alone.

Something was ahead of her in the middle of the floor. It was large and oddly shaped.

Lily's heart gave an unpleasant leap as she realized she'd left her wand in the bedroom. She stood frozen, scanning the dark hallway for something she could use as a weapon. What the hell could appear in a Muggle house?

The form moved slowly and grunted.

Wait, it _grunted_?

She recognized that grunt. Lily rushed forward. "Sev? Severus."

She knelt next to him, and gently pulled on his shoulder so she could see more of him in the faint moonlight.

A strangled cry escaped her lips. There was blood on his face. Dried blood.

"Severus," she cried. "Wake up!"

He groaned.

"Come on, Sev," she coaxed.

"Lily," he muttered.

"I'm right here. Come on," she said softly.

His eyes fluttered for a moment, but remained close.

Lily stood up then knelt down and grabbed his arm. She tried to drag his arm across her shoulders to pull him upright, but he was too heavy.

Severus moaned with the shifting of his weight. His eyes finally opened. "Lily?" he asked softly. His voice was hoarse.

Excitement overtook reason and she flung her arms around his neck. "You're awake!"

"Ow!" he cried, but he didn't push her away, he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"We need to clean you up," she said softly, leaning back so she could look at him.

"Give me a minute, I can take care of myself," he said, pulling himself into a sitting position.

"You're not doing a very good job of that," she teased even though this was not a funny situation.

Severus rolled his dark eyes and Lily bit back a smart reply. "Can you stand?"

"I'm fine," he replied, his voice quavering.

She helped him to his feet then followed him into the bathroom. "Sit down," she ordered, pointing at the edge of the wide tub.

Severus gave her a look.

"Glare at me all you want. You might be gifted with potions, but you're a moron with healing spells."

He tried to chuckle but the movement of his chest made him wince.

Lily found a washcloth and ran it beneath the warm water then gently pressed it to his face. "You need to take your shirt off."

"That eager to get me out of my clothes?" he teased softly, but it was obvious the words did not come easy. He was masking his pain with humor.

"It's the only way I can be sure you're all right."

"I'm fine," he repeated, taking the washcloth and dabbing at his mouth. "Do you see any marks?"

"Where did the blood on your face come from?"

He shook his head. "I'm becoming a vampire."

"You are so infuriating," she sighed.

Severus gave a shrug, trying not to wince. "I don't think we should stay here much longer."

"I thought you said we would be safe here."

"For a time we would be, but I would rather return to Spinner's End, repair the damage there, and reinforce the protection. There are more supplies there, and books and other things we may need."

"Maybe I should go back to…" she trailed off, she was thinking the Potter's but now…Spinner's End. Could she even consider going back there? That was the last place…She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Spinner's End may have more answers for her than she would get out of Severus. She knew several revealing and detection spells. Did this really matter though?

"I won't stop you," he said softly. "But what are you expecting to find at the Potters?"

She looked sideways at the boy on the edge of the tub and sighed. Despite her epiphany, she couldn't choose intentional ignorance. "I need answers." How she wished that he would understand the double meaning.

"How?"

His arrogance grated on her nerves. "I can't just sit here like nothing is happening!"

He pressed his lips together and inhaled sharply.

Lily felt horrible for her sudden rush of anger. Damn this man and the way her put her emotions on the branches of the Whomping Willow. She ran her hand gently down his cheek, then under his chin to tilt his head up. ""I just need to know before—"

"Before what?" he snapped, pulling his face out of her hand. "Before you can think about a future here, with me? Only once you are sure his spot is gone."

Lily's hand dropped to her side and curled into a fist. "That's not what I said."

"You didn't need to."

A spiteful chuckle rolled from somewhere deep in her chest, anger once again roiling to the surface at the haughty tone in his voice. "Do you have any idea what this is like for me?"

"Enlighten me," he sneered.

"Imagine, for just a moment, your heart being ripped in two directions. And whatever you do, you're going to hurt someone."

"I can't."

"See! You can't be—"

"I can't because there's only been you. There's only going to be you. Always."

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Thoughts? Reactions? I think I get really paranoid when I write these character driven chapters because I get caught in that trap that _something _needs to be moving or happening or I'll lose you all! Please let me know what you think!


	28. Chapter 28

To my reviewers you are so amazing and you are really why I update so quickly! I'm so glad that you are enjoying these chapters.

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Lily's mouth fell open; she started to speak, then closed her mouth, licked her lips and started again, before dropping her gaze to the table.

Severus closed his eyes and fractionally shook his head. "If you need anything, you should get it now."

Lily wanted to say something, but again her words failed her. She turned around left the bathroom.

Severus raked his fingers though his hair. He had to learn to shut his mouth but he couldn't resist. He would never consider himself a flirt, but he knew there were moments that his gaze lingered too long, or he smirked when he should have kept a straight face. But it was so difficult with her. Part of him wanted to sweep her in his arms and pretend that the last three months apart had not happened, but he couldn't do it to himself anymore.

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his head. He was so frustrated, but his emotions were a danger to them both. He didn't know if he could go through the heart break of losing her. He couldn't get his mind under control. With a groan, he shoved himself away from the table.

He couldn't—no he wouldn't—push her. Lily was hormonal and still stinging from what happened. He hadn't thought about that when he made his request to the Dark Lord and now that it had been approved, he knew he couldn't go back.

Sighing, he went upstairs and knocked gently on the door. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, pushing the door open.

Lily wiped furiously at her face, but not in time to keep Severus from seeing the tears.

He wished he knew what to do. He hated her tears, but he didn't know what to say. He held his hand out. Without a word, she placed her hand in his and he focused his attention. They landed in the rubble of the living room on Spinner's End.

Lily's hand shot to her mouth and he could see tears welling up again.

"I can fix this," he said softly.

"I'll help," she said, her voice cracking. She turned her back to him and pointed her wand at the door way. "I'll start with protective spells, then I'll help with the repairs."

Together, they protected the house, then they began to repair the damage. He didn't realize quite how much there was going to be. He would send something to the walls, and then the support of the wall would crumble. But finally, everything was back in place.

The corners of his mouth twitched when he realized the horrible wallpaper in the living room was replaced by a warm beige color. The carpet was also plusher and far cleaner than he'd ever seen it. He turned his smile to Lily. "Any more changes I should be aware of?"

She looked exhausted, her eyes were half closed, but she managed a weak smile. "I made the bathroom a bit larger. Your bedroom is out of the basement now, too." She yawned and stumbled.

Severus rushed forward to catch her arm. Lily leaned heavily against him for a moment. "I didn't think that would make me that tired."

"Why don't you go take a nap?" he suggested.

Lily nodded as she yawned. "Wake me if you need me."

Severus nodded but he knew he'd curse someone to Antarctica if that meant giving her some more rest. Once she was upstairs and he heard the door close behind her, he went into the kitchen and began to pull ingredients. He was actually pleased that Lily had moved him upstairs. After the Easter battle and subsequent demolition of the house, Eileen and Tobias had moved to be closer to Tobias' work.

His mother refused to speak to Severus and he wasn't going to work hard to find a woman who had never been much of a mother anyway. With the basement refinished, he could just tell Lily he didn't want her to go down there and he could store the more complicated potions. When she inevitably didn't listen to him, he would tell her he was just practicing. Maybe he could even convince her he was going to sell them.

A couple of hours later, he had a good stock brewing. Severus placed the lid on one cauldron and went back upstairs. He smirked at his timing as he heard the rustling of Lily's movements upstairs. She came downstairs and tried to smile weakly at him.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked gently.

Lily shrugged. "I got some rest, but I'm not feeling well."

"Well, you haven't really been eating. Let me fix you some breakfast."

"I don't think my stomach will tolerate it. If I look though one of your potions book, will you make me a potion?"

Severus had to will himself not to react. "I don't think that will be a good idea." He had never made potions for a pregnant witch before, and he wasn't about to start with Lily.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Why not?"

Severus pressed his lips together, he didn't want to lie to her but she wasn't giving him much choice. "I haven't made any potions for a bit, and I'm not going to start experimenting on you."

"Severus, you're being a git," Lily grumbled. "You're the best potion maker I've met; you're even better than Slughorn."

"Thank you, but not really."

Lily paled and pressed her hand gently to her stomach, her expression was momentarily confused, then annoyed. "You're really not going to help me?"

"I think you just need to try and eat."

"I don't want to eat," Lily snapped. "Why won't you just make the potion?"

"Because you don't have a magical problem," he answered.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him and stomped away from him. "Fine! I'll just buy something in Diagon Alley."

Severus moaned and followed her, grabbing his wand and following after her. "You have got to be one of the most irrational, infuriating witches I've ever met."

He only had a moment to jump into the fireplace after her into the crowd of emerald green flames.

They stood coughing moments later as they stumbled out of one of the community grates. Lily was dusting herself off, she was still pale, but she met his glare with a smug look of triumph.

"You've got ash in your hair," he retorted.

Lily brushed her hair and made a face at him. "You're acting odder than usual."

"I think you're being reckless." Now he had confused her. "Lily, you just need to eat and rest!"

"And when did you become a healer?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Severus pressed his fingers to his temples. "If you think you're that badly off, let's go see a healer."

"I don't want to see a healer. There's nothing wrong with me but a virus or something," Lily protested. "I'm just going to go to the apothecary and get a potion."

"Let's just go back. I don't think we should be out and exposed like this." Severus looked around the cobbled street. He knew patrols had been increased. He was supposed to be protecting Lily, not leaving her to for anyone to see and to make a connection.

"Is there supposed to be another attack?" Her voice was low, dangerous. Severus looked around the cobbled street. Witches and witches were crowded like always around the little shops. Severus had been doing a kind of two step, standing off to the side of Lily, eyeing places he could escape if he saw something he needed to get away from.

He didn't think there was necessarily something he should be worried about. His first and most prevalent concern was that someone could associate her with him. The last thing he needed was for one of _his_ spies to see her.

There were other members who had families and significant other in their lives. But they were from prominent families where marriages were generally arrange and expected. But Severus was not that kind.

"Lily!" a voice called.

His eyes immediately went to the window behind Lily. A plump little witch with a broad smile was waving and rushing toward them.

Severus made the split second decision; he darted through the open doorway to the store and started browsing the racks by the door. Here he could still see Lily, but hopefully the girl wouldn't think he'd been with Lily.

"Alice!" Lily called, the anger from her conversation with Severus dissipated.

"How are you?" Alice asked, flinging her arms around Lily. "You look different."

"I do?" Lily smiled. "How?"

"I'm not sure," Alice smiled, waving her left land. "But you look good."

The sunlight caught on a slim gold band around Alice's finger. Lily grabbed her hand. "Look at this!"

"Frank proposed!" Alice grinned. "He's been talking a lot to Dumbledore and things are getting so serious, but now we have this! This will always be ours." She tilted her head and looked around. "What about you and James?"

Severus sighed and tried not to roll his eyes. He was never going to be able to get her mind off of that fool.

Lily gave a weak smile. "He's on a mission for Dumbledore but I hadn't gotten any news…"

Alice's smile faded a little. "Sorry, Lily. You know if you ever want to talk, just send me an owl. I'm working at the ministry now."

"Already?" Lily grinned. "That's fantastic."

Alice nodded. "Are you working anywhere yet?"

Lily shook her head. "There were just some issues and I couldn't focus, but that is something I want to look into very soon."

"I could talk to my supervisor," Alice suggested.

"Thanks, but I really think I'd like to go into something like healing."

"That wouldn't surprise me," Alice grinned. "Well, I'd better get going. Let me know if I can help with anything." She gave a wave and disappeared into the crowd.

Lily watched her go then turned in a puzzled circle. Severus stepped out of the store and moved next to her.

"Where did you go?"

"I thought you may need some time with your friend," he stated.

"Are you ashamed of me?" Lily smiled.

"You may be of me," he answered softly.

Lily pressed her eyes together and shook her head. "Do I look different to you?"

He shook his head. "I think you look wonderful."

They walked down the street. Lily didn't mention the apothecary, but she did see a help wanted sign and darted inside.

Severus was gazing at the window display when he heard a wicked cackle that sent a chill down his spine. Suddenly the street seemed incredibly quiet. Severus glanced behind and felt his blood turn to ice in his veins.

Walking with her head help high a haughty smile stretched across her wicked face was Bellatrix Lestrange and she locked eyes with him.

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Dun-dun-DUN! Think Lily's starting to get the hint yet? Please leave a comment or a reaction!


	29. Chapter 29

Bellatrix's smile was that of Medusa and it temporarily froze Severus. He had been concerned about the Dark Lord knowing of Lily but Bellatrix was a hyena that would savor every moment of the kill. The only way he could deal with her was to meet her and hope that Lily would be occupied long enough or that she would see them and have the common sense to wait.

"Look who's risen from the dungeons," Bellatrix cackled. "I was sure you were going to be punished."

"Try not to sound so disappointed," Snape said cooly.

"I was hoping to watch."

"Maybe next time."

Bellatrix cackled as her eyes raked over him. "But what is dear Snapey doing out? Don't you have some cooking to do?"

"I needed supplies," he answered. Her stare was probing and Severus had to resist the urge to cross his arms over himself.

Bellatrix raised her eyebrows and smirked. "Rumors have said that you may be lonely."

"Interesting…"

"Oh it is!" she exclaimed. "Especially when they say you were quite fond of a _Mudblood_."

Ever nerve in Severus' body came to attention under her electric stare. The playful sneer was fading. She was actually curious and he didn't know why. Severus was switching into survival mode. He closed him mind off. He didn't think Bellatrix knew anything of Legilimency, but it what impossible to say what she had picked up while trying to be the Dark Lord's lap dog.

"It is quite amazing what kind of conclusions the uneducated can come up with."

Bellatrix stepped closer and she dragged one of her fingers up the sleeve of his shirt. "That's not all they say about little Snapey."

He was quickly losing patience with her game, but he knew he had to play. "I never knew you had such a fondness for rumors."

"When someone's loyalty is in question I do," she snapped; her tone suddenly cold.

"The Dark Lord knows of my loyalty," he answered.

"And what is your loyalty."

"If he knows, you dare to ask?"

"I sometimes wonder if your _heart_ is entirely in our cause." He wished she would step away.

"I assure you it is."

"What do you say of the rumors of a Mudblood?"

"I say that only foolish people give rumors credit."

Her eyes flashed. He was dancing on a fine line of pushing her too far. Severus wasn't entirely sure that she wouldn't curse him in the middle of the street for the sheer joy of it.

Bellatrix regained control, she looked up at him through her lashes and dropped her voice. "Does that mean that your tastes run toward a purer blood line?"

He didn't know what she was getting at, but the conversation had unnerved him.

There was a pop some distance off, the unmistakable sound of an apparition. Bellatrix glanced over her shoulder, then back to Severus. "We'll finish this conversation soon," she promised before whipping around and almost skipping down the street.

Severus didn't relax. There were warning bells screaming in his head and he knew he had to get Lily out of there now. Her spun on his head and stormed into the store. Lily was chatting happily with the clerk. She shot him a grin, finished her conversation, then came over to him. "I may have a job—"

"We need to leave," he said. He placed his hand on her elbow, but left the store first. He didn't allow her to step onto the street. Her held her on the stoop and disapparted.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked the moment they were back in the living room of Spinner's End.

Severus swallowed thickly. He didn't know. True, the conversation had rattled him, but there didn't seem to be any immediate danger. He didn't know how to tell her that he was in fear for her safety. It would only cause a fight anyway.

"I just felt something was off and that we needed to leave," he answered.

Lily raised her eyebrows, waiting for more of an explanation. When she realized she was not going to get one, she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Did you get your medicine?" he asked. This was another topic he didn't want to discuss, but depending on the elixir she purchased he could switch the contents with something harmless.

Lily face turned red and she dropped her gaze to the floor.

Severus couldn't help it. He grinned. Though she looked embarrassed, she looked, above all, beautiful and humbled. His smirk grew larger as he thought about how rarely he was able to see that particular expression on her face. "What?"

"Stop smiling!" she exclaimed, shoving his shoulder.

He tried to contain his smirk, but it wasn't going to happen. "Are you all right?"

"I fine," she lied, the blush in her cheeks darkening.

Severus reached for her hand but she was quicker and covered her face.

"Lily, talk to me," he said softly. His humor in the situation was fading.

"I should be fine. I just need to give it a few more days."

"Should I be this confused?"

"I don't know!" Lily moaned, tossing her head back. "Can we just let this drop? I'm going to be okay. Or I should be…"

Suddenly, he was concerned that she had taken something. Maybe the apothecary had given it to her while she was in the store and he was occupied with Bellatrix.

"What did you take?" Damn. He hadn't meant for his voice to come out that sharp.

Lily narrowed her eyebrows. "Nothing. I just chatted with the shop keeper. He made a comment and I got to thinking about—why are you being so weird?"

It took physical restraint to not groan and glare at her. "I just wish you would talk to me!"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

They glared at each other for several minutes. Severus was the first to cave in. Wasn't that always the case with her? "So, you mentioned a job…"

Lily nodded. "We talked about school, and he mentioned NEWT exams, and he said someone with scores like mine could have been a healer, and I told him I'd considered it. His wife is a healer and he is going to talk to her about me. He asked me to come back next week."

Severus sat in one of the arm chairs. "You know you don't need a job…"

Lily pursed her lips. "One of us needs to be working."

Severus sighed. He couldn't talk to her about this. He couldn't. She would never understand what had attracted him, and why he couldn't just walk away. Well, she might understand that part if he made it clear he would be killed.

"Lily," he started, then he realized he must be losing his mind. He had this desire to be open with her; to lay everything out but now just wasn't the time. For Merlin's sake she didn't even know she was pregnant yet! If he were to try to explain the Dark Lord situation she would leave, she'd run directly Potter's and never see him again. No, for now, he would continue their game pretending it wasn't happened. He shook his head. "Nevermind. We'll talk about it later."

Lily nodded, she was biting her lip and looking uncomfortable. "Well, I guess I need to talk to you about something instead then."


	30. Chapter 30

Thank you to everyone for leaving a commenting and thank you for coming back to read more!

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Lily twisted her napkin in her lap and sighed. Severus was looking at her intensely, his dark eyes locked on her. She started to open her mouth but then bit down on her lip. She tucked a red strand of hair behind her ear and looked down at the table.

Lily was suddenly finding it hard to speak. She didn't want to go to sleep. She really just wanted to go up to bed, but she needed to have this conversation.

From the moment the apothecary had looked at her and asked about…well, when he pointed _it_ out, it was like a slow light bulb came on. Her heart had started to pound, her mouth got dry, and she felt absolutely panicked.

But then she had glanced toward Diagon Alley out the window to the street and a calming feeling came over her when she thought of Severus. When she talked to him, everything would suddenly make sense and become clear.

But now as she was looked at his face she couldn't seem to start the conversation.

"Lily…" he said softly.

She let her breath out slowly. Her head was pounding and she could feel her hands start to tremble.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently.

Tears sprang to Lily's eyes and she shook her head. "I'm not sure."

Severus reached for her hands and pulled her to him. He stood and cupped her face gently with his hand. "Please don't cry."

Why was she crying? Her irritation was battling with her nerves. She didn't want to cry. Especially not right now. She just wanted to tell him. She wanted it to be out in the open then she could think. Then she could focus.

She pulled her hands out of his and wiped fiercely at her eyes.

How was he going to react? This wasn't something simple. This was a life changer.

Lily closed her eyes and inhaled, trying to calm herself down enough so she could even speak.

She looked at his dark eyes. What would he think?

Did it even matter?

She knew what marred his left forearm. She knew the times he vanished in the night. She didn't know what he did exactly, but did that even matter? When he was gone, he was beyond her help. She had to cross her fingers and hope that he would come back to her in some form. He didn't know that when he was gone, she was studying healing books, hoping that if he came back she would be able to put him back together.

He was part of the reason she wanted to be a healer. Hours of focusing on the books had giving her a glimpse into something she could do, not just for him but for others. He wasn't the only one who was affected by Voldemort's reign of terror. There were so many others. And she knew within her heart it was only going to get worse. He was getting so strong. The fear in Diagon Alley had been palpable. She wondered how much longer Dumbledore could hold out.

"Lily," he said softly. "I hate when you do this. What's going on in your head."

Again, she inhaled.

What if he accepted it? Could it be possible that he would? Could he see this as good news?

For a moment, she let herself believe that. She pictured the winter, the time. The pain would be intense. Especially leading up. But then, after. He would smile. He would have something so precious in his arms. And they would be…

"Severus…I haven't really been paying attention—you know that I haven't been feeling well…"

Why were words so hard? It had never been this difficult to speak. She was a fairly intelligent witch. What was the problem?

The problem was that she may not receive the happy picture in her head. That picture in her head might not even be possible.

He could laugh. He could turn his back. They were only eighteen after all.

She'd never let her mind wander this far. She hadn't even suspected this news so she didn't have anything to ponder. But since the apothecary her mind had went into overdrive. Scenario after scenario raced through her mind, each distracting and different and terrifying in its own aspect.

It had to be the terror that kept locking up her vocal cords now. The complete and utter lack of control everything in her life could undergo because of a time when she lost control.

"I know you've been…" he started.

Lily blew a mouth full of air past her clenched teeth. "I thought it was a virus. That was why I asked you for a potion."

He nodded, raising his eyebrows, waiting for her to go on.

"With everything that's been happening, I quit paying attention…I was more preoccupied. Simple things just weren't my focus anymore."

She really hoped that he didn't think she was rambling as much as she felt she was. Lily pressed her fingers into her eyes and inhaled deeply. Suddenly, it was as though the words couldn't be contained any longer.

"There's a possibility—a very real, very likely—possibility that I could be…well, that I think I am…Sev, I think I'm pregnant."

Damn him. Damn his control. Damn his training. Just damn him. His face didn't change. He was watching her. What the hell did he want? Was he hiding his disappointment? Was he trying to gage her reaction before he reacted himself?

Suddenly, everything became clear. If he could be that controlled, that restrained, about this kind of news then everything else she thought about this situation, all of her fears were true.

They couldn't do this.

She'd been a fool to think otherwise.

There would never be the happen ending.

All they were going to know was pain.

Tears welled in her eyes as she stood up. "It's early still. It's early enough…there are places in London. I'm going tomorrow." She turned and ran from the room.

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So what did you think? I've missed hearing from some of you! I hope you're still reading and enjoying the story! Please leave a comment!


	31. Chapter 31

Welcome back! Thank you for the kind words!

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Severus snapped out of his daze; actually hearing her say the words had sent his brain reeling. Even though he'd been unable to focus on nothing but Lily and the child, when she finally spoke the words it was like he'd gone into shock. His brain repeatedly turned the information over and over in his head.

It wasn't until she said she'd take care of it and she fled form the room that he'd come back to reality. Then he'd realized his mistake; he should have flung his arms around her, spun her, kissed her, held her. Instead, he'd sat there lost in his own delightful little world and now she was under the horrible impression that he didn't want…

"Lily!" he yelled.

Damn him. Why did he have to be so dense when it came to this woman?

Thank Merlin the house was tiny and she'd fled upstairs; he found her in a matter of minutes. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, tear streaks down her cheeks, her hair trying to act as a curtain. She didn't look up at his footsteps. But he didn't care. He crossed the room in three long strides and positioned himself in front of her. Gently, but firmly, he cupped her face, tiled her beautiful face to look up at him and he stroked his thumbs down the tear tracks.

"You don't need to cry," he said softly. "You're not going to London. I want you here. I want you _both_ where I can keep you safe. It's us. Together now. Always."

Then he kissed her.

If he wanted her to feel anything, he wanted her to feel the love that surged through him for her. The way his heart simply ached when she was not close. He wanted her to understand it was only when she was in his arms that he felt truly whole. That he felt like he could do no wrong as long as she was at his side.

He wanted her to understand that she meant the world to him.

That he felt she was carrying his entire future in her womb. When she finally spoke the words he'd been so desperate to hear her say, it was like the world no longer mattered. She was his everything.

Her hand came up and covered his own, she moaned softly, kissing him back. She stood, not breaking away from him and wrapped her slender arms around his neck.

Lily pulled her head back and smiled gently, pressing her forehead against his. She gently pulled his hands away from her face and placed them on her stomach.

He was delighted to feel how firm her soft stomach had become. His gently traced his fingers over the soft fabric of her shirt. Not only was her stomach firmer, but she was oh-so-slightly rounding out.

He couldn't help it, his face split into a grin and he slid his arms around her back and pulled her body to his and kissed her again. Then, he pulled back and slowly dropped to his knees in front of her. His dark eyes met hers as his fingers gently pushed the fabric of her shirt up, bunching it just below her breast. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to her swollen skin.

"I love you," he said slowly. He was speaking to both of them. The worlds felt wonderful. He'd kept them locked in his chest for so long, they'd become a weight. But now that it was out, he felt lifted and lighter, but freer.

Lily broke into a smile, she closed her eyes for a moment and more tears glistened in the corner of her eyes.

Sever stood up and gently took her hands. "Why are you crying?"

"This feels so right," she said softly. "You. Here. This. Your hands on my stomach. I love you too."

She kissed him. And in that moment, they were truly happy.

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I know it's short (that usually means a quick update though), but I felt these two needed this moment. Hopefully you enjoyed it with them!

What did you think about it? Please leave a comment!


	32. Chapter 32

I broke a hundred comments! I was so excited! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting! Hopefully you enjoy this chapter!

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A searing pain shot through Severus' arm, jolting him from sleep. His eyes snapped open and his pressed his head into the pillow to keep from crying out. He flexed the fingers on his left hand and fought the pain. He wanted to move, to stand up, to rub the arm and adjust himself before he disapparated but he couldn't bring himself to move. A beautiful red head was sleeping on his left arm.

The pain did not lessen and it wouldn't until he left.

As gingerly as he could, he tugged his arm from under Lily's sleeping head. She moaned gently in her sleep, but didn't wake. Severus sat up and rubbed his eyes then raked his fingers through his hair. He grabbed his jeans pulled them up over his hips, then grabbed his rumpled t-shirt and yanked it over his head. He left the room then hurried down the stairs where he pressed his fingers to the mark on his left arm.

The world closed in around him and in a moment he was back on solid ground.

Behind him, he heard the distinctive popping of someone else appearing outside the house with him. He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder and moved forward through the gate of the extravagant mansion. So, the Dark Lord was still residing at the Lestrange Manor.

Severus walked forward and through the door.

"Ah, Severus," the Dark Lord said softly. He nodded to a chair. Severus moved forward and lowered himself into the chair.

They were planning a raid, one of the largest ones yet. Severus listened, following the plans, even offering an opinion when he could foresee a problem. It was too dangerous not to participate. If he didn't give his full attention, he could be risking so much more than himself.

"Severus, go with Bellatrix," the Dark Lord ordered.

Severus looked up and his dark eyes met her wild black ones. She grinned devilishly at him and led them through the rooms to the kitchen.

"So, Sevy," she grinned. "How are you little cooking classes?"

"They're well," he answered, slowly. He wasn't sure what she wanted or what this could be about.

"I know you know my husband," she purred softly.

"Yes," he answered.

"He's been cursed…we cannot take him St. Mungos for the obvious reasons. We thought this may be one of you particular areas," she moved forward and leaned—almost laid—across the counter toward him. "If you succeed, there could be some very nice rewards in it for you."

"Do you know how he was cursed?"

Bellatrix laughed. "By something very nasty," she answered her face suddenly deadly serious.

Severus resisted the urge to let his lip curl in a snarl at her sudden mood changes.

"Can I see him?"

"Right this way," she smiled.

Again, she walked ahead of him, leading him through the mansion, upstairs until they came to a bedroom in the back. Bellatrix opened the door and revealed Rodolphus lying on the bed. He was oddly colored, his head was rolling back and forth on the pillow he was saying something but Severus couldn't make out the words.

"I don't suppose you will be telling me what exactly happened to him?"

Bellatrix shook her head. "I don't suppose you need to know."

Severus resisted the urge to lash out and say something he would regret later. He moved toward the man on the bed and slowly withdrew his wand.

Bellatrix hovered near him and he knew he had to move carefully. Any sudden movements could set her off and he knew that. He closed his eyes and moved slowly, gently wafting his wand, mumbling spells.

When Bellatrix couldn't see any change, she stepped back with a scoff. "And to think, we actually thought you were going to be something great."

Severus stopped moving his wand and looked up, raising his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Bellatrix came closer to him, tracing her fingers along his arms then up and across his shoulders. "There were so many good things said about Sevy Snapey; even though he was just a little mudblood, he showed talent." She was close enough that he could feel her breath on his neck. "He did so well during initiation. But now, he's nothing but a little, bitty chef."

Severus took a deep breath and turned slowly. "Rodolphus needs and elixir. It is difficult enough to procure, but maybe you have another _chef_ who many do it well. He will need it several times a day."

"How soon can you have it ready?" she asked softly.

He turned and wasn't surprised to find himself nose to nose with her. She was a slight woman, but she insisted on wearing heels. He stared into the dark pools of her eyes and felt his blood run a little colder. "Don't you have another chef?"

Bellatrix raked her eyes over his face as she cocked her head to the side. "I enjoy watching you prove yourself."

Suddenly, he felt as if they were no longer talking about his magical abilities. He wanted to back away but he knew that that would only encourage her. Bellatrix was like an animal on a hunt.

"Then you'll enjoy knowing I can revive your husband."

"We won't make any promises until it happens," she cackled, stepping away. "You know, you're no longer the golden boy." Her dark eyebrow was perfectly arched and her lips had curved into a cruel smile.

Severus felt himself stiffen. From the first time he'd seen his mother use magic and then made him swear not to tell Tobias, he needed to prove himself; to his mother he needed to prove that he was talented enough to master magic; to the other Slytherins that despite his blood status he was still a capable and talented wizard.

That need to prove himself had forced him into the library long after the other students had gone to bed. He knew he was talented but because of his background, because of his tattered robes, no one seemed to take notice of him except for one girl.

But even then, he was overshadowed by an arrogant, spiteful boy from Gryffindor. Severus could never be as rich or as popular as him. He surpassed him the only way he could, academically. But it still didn't seem to matter.

So his need to prove himself drove him further. He searched for an outlet that would let him excel. He funneled his anger into magic, using it to push himself harder and further than he thought he could achieve.

"We had such high hopes for you, but you're just turning out to be a big disappointment," Bellatrix breathed.

"And how have I been a disappointment?"

"You're average. Boring. Nothing special." She walked toward her. There was something cat like in her movements; the way she walked slowly, gracefully, swaying her body. "I had higher hopes."

"So quick to dismiss," he sneered. "I'm surprised you hold any hope for Rodolphus."

"He's proven worth my time," she answered, leaning against the door frame.

He knew deep down inside that her opinion didn't matter but that didn't stop the next words from leaving his mouth. "Give me time."

Bellatrix's eyes lit up then. "I hope so."

Severus almost sighed with relief and walked toward the door.

"Severus," she called from behind him.

He turned and met her eye. "I wouldn't mess this up; the Dark Lord is also watching."

He gave a curt nod and swept from the room. Always a test. He was always going to have to prove himself and he was actually looking forward to the challenge.

"Oh, Severus," Bellatrix called, leaning closer to him again. "The Dark Lord does not compete will with other distractions."

Again, her words chilled her blood. "I have no idea what you mean."

Her smile widened and she moved so she was inches from his face. "I know you do. But those can easily be taken care of."

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What do you think? I know most of you are hoping for the Lily and Sev side of the story, but all in good time!


	33. Chapter 33

Welcome back and thank you for your wonderful words and adds; you are all so wonderful!

I'm so sorry that I've slowed down on updates; the story was bashing around inside of my head and all of a sudden it went POOF! and not in a good way. (Maybe I'm just more dramatic than fluffy and I need to make something horrible happen to get things rolling again…) Anyway, enough of my rambling, onto the reason you're really here! Enjoy!

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Lily stood in front of the mirror and pressed her shirt to her stomach, pulling it tight against her body. She was slightly concerned that she didn't have to press the fabric too hard; her shirt seemed much smaller and now that she knew she was pregnant she couldn't understand how she missed it before. Her breasts were larger, she'd been sick, she'd gained weight, she'd even been late, but she'd been so pre-occupied with the nightmarish events after the holiday that the thought hadn't even been a glimmer in her mind. Not once.

Now, with her reflection shining back at her, she really didn't realize how she had missed it. If nothing else, the physical signs were overwhelming. She was relieved for only a moment that it wasn't just weight gain, ten she realized how much weight she could be gaining very soon.

Lily inhaled slowly, tracing her fingers along the skin of her stomach. It didn't seem possible that she could be carrying a child.

A smile tugged at her lips.

But she was. She pulled the shirt up over her stomach and turned in the mirror.

In as little as six months she could be holding the child. She would be a mother.

"That is a damn fine sight," a deep voice called from the doorway.

Lily raised her eyes to the reflection of the door and smiled at Severus. "I have no idea what you mean."

He smiled as he walked into the room, immediately pressing his palms to her stomach. "You standing there so beautifully. This…the sight of you growing…glowing."

His palms were warm as he pressed his palms into her belly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

Lily giggled softly and stepped back from him; her eyes glancing quickly over his face. He looked incredibly tired; dark circles lingered under his eyes and he looked troubled. Despite all of this, he was smiling for her. Lily wished he didn't feel the need to be so protective of her but she was sure with the pregnancy that the over protectiveness would just get worse.

"Can we discover the sex?" he asked, bringing his hand up to gently cup her face.

"What?" she asked, an immature giggle bursting forth.

"Of the baby," he grinned, kissing her lightly on her nose.

Lily felt her face turning red with embarrassment. "Oh. I don't know. I don't know how soon we would be able. Or if there was a spell…Maybe we should go to Flourish and Blotts and see if we can get books on the subject…"

"Something Hogwarts conveniently left out," Severus smiled. "We didn't quite get the 'Now that you're out of school here's all the practical things you need to learn' course."

"Well, I've been around pregnant Muggle women…but is anything else really comparable in the Muggle and magical world?" Lily asked, pulling her shirt down over her stomach. She was suddenly feeling very awkward and unprepared. This wasn't a feeling she was used to or felt she could deal with very well. She walked past him and started for the stairs.

Severus coked his head to the side and started for the doorway. "What would make you feel the most comfortable?"

"I don't know," she said, pausing on the stairs as she stopped to look up at him. "I know that I'll never feel completely prepared when it comes to having a child. I would like to have some idea of what to expect during the pregnancy…I wish I knew something I could talk to, but my parents are Muggles—"

"Well, your mother had you…" he said softly.

"Yes, but according to them, I didn't show any signs of magic until around the time I met you."

"My mother never spoke about her pregnancy with me." He said this so softly that Lily was sure he didn't really want to discuss it and she didn't know what she could have said to him anyway. She walked back up the stairs and wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled her head into his chest. "We'll tell this kid so much about this pregnancy that he'll be able to write a book later."

He smiled a little and raised a dark eyebrow. "He?"

Now it was her turn to smile. "I don't know. Maybe."

She led him down the stairs into the parlor.

"I do want to talk to you about something though," Severus started slowly, almost cautiously.

Lily tried not to hold her breath, but when a conversation started like that, it was almost a knee jerk reaction. She sat down on the couch and turned expectantly toward him. "All right."

Severus walked over to the window and looked out at the street, crossed to the opposite side of the room, stood in front of her for a moment then crossed to the window again.

"Sev," Lily said softly. "It doesn't take much to make me feel ill and you're not really helping by pacing like that." Making a joke was the best she could do in a situation like this. She hated when he became quiet and moody. She didn't know how to shake him out of it, and the tone in his words did almost make her feel sick.

"I know you are looking forward to working at St. Mungos."

Lily had to remind herself not to roll her eyes. He was just doing this because he was worried. He didn't know how else to tell her he cared about her so he was overly protective in trying to keep her safe. "Sev, you really don't have to worry about me."

"But I do!" he snapped so suddenly it made her jump back in her chair.

"No, you don't," Lily said firmly. He was being ridiculous.

Severus closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temples. "Lily. Please. Do not argue with me on this. Just please stay here and let me keep you safe."

Lily sighed loudly and threw her head back as she tried to will her temper to stay under control. "You can't guarantee my safety, Sev. You have to trust that I'm capable enough on my own." He sighed deeply and Lily plowed ahead before he could speak. "You're not always here."

He looked as though she had struck him. "I will be here for you."

"I'm not saying you won't," she answered. "But you have other obligations…"

Why couldn't she just play his game of pretending it wasn't real? Why did she have to keep poking at an open wound?

"Lily, you know that I will be here for you and the baby…"

"I know you'll do your best." If his expression before had been hurt, she could have punched him with that phrase. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm not even going to make a suggestion. I can't even talk to you about that aspect of your life. I'm just asking you to understand that you can't keep me caged. I have to have something to do during those times when I roll over and you're not there."

She didn't want to tell him about the panic attack she'd almost had this morning when she woke up in the bed alone. This was not a fight she could win. But she wished he would give her this one concession. If he would let her work then she wouldn't feel so useless.

She supposed on some level she felt that her good deeds at the hospital could help to combat some of the karma that the unknown things he did put out into the atmosphere. She knew it didn't make a lot of sense but it was the only thing that helped to quell the pounding in her heart when she thought about where he went when he was gone.

Severus stood up and walked to her. "You both are all that matters to me now. Keeping you safe is going to be my priority. Always."

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What did you think? Feedback is always appreciated and it is so (unbelievably) helpful to know your reactions and what you like and don't like!


	34. Chapter 34

Thank you all so much for your kind words and comments! I'm so glad you like the story. I can't believe it took me this long to update. I could blame work and life and blah blah blah, but it comes down to I need to make time to write so shame on me!

Anyways, onto the good stuff!

* * *

Lily yanked the covers on the bed into place then stepped back to look at her work. The blankets were not evenly spaced on the mattress and the pillows looked off. With a groan, she sighed and yanked everything off the bed and started over.

She knew she had a bit of a perfectionist tendency; but this was getting ridiculous. This was the third time she'd made the bed today.

She puffed out her cheeks and blew out a huff of air. Maybe it wasn't really the bed at all, maybe it was the fact that she had woken up alone again. She tugged and pulled at the blankets until she finally got the stupid things centered. She hit the pillows a few times, then a few more times just to be sure and let out a long sigh.

The bed looked better. She wasn't happy with it, but she could at least walk away from it now.

Absently mindedly, she rubbed her hand over her swollen belly. This was a movement she found herself doing more and more each day. It was becoming a habit but she found it to be so relaxing she didn't care.

Her stomach gave an odd flutter and Lily held her breath for a moment not sure if she should bolt for the bathroom. She waited and the sensation passed but a quick glance at the clock told her she should get something to eat.

She hurried down the narrow stairs, making far more noise than was necessary. She considered turning on the radio but she didn't want the endless jabber of the hosts. What she really wanted was for Severus to be home so she didn't have to deal with being in this house all alone.

Lily grabbed a loaf of bread and some butter then set about toasting it. It wasn't a very appetizing breakfast, but she didn't want to push her stomach and nothing else sounded edible at the moment.

After eating breakfast, Lily stayed on the chair at the dining room table and let her eyes graze the kitchen.

When she helped Severus remodel the only changes she made had been to brighten up the walls and clean carpets. She didn't want to do anything he may have objected to.

But now, as she sat looking at the kitchen, she felt an overwhelming wave of ick wash over her. She didn't like this kitchen. It was too dark; too drab. The wood was dark, the curtains were too heavy, the window over the sink was already getting dingy.

Biting her lip, Lily pulled her wand from her pocket and gave it a quick flick. The grime on the windows darkened, then cracked, then broke away as if a breeze had lifted it all away.

Lily nodded and smiled. She put her wand down on the table in front of her then she leaned forward and rested her chin on her hand.

Cleaning the grime had been enough. She wouldn't do more. Not without Severus' permission.

But Sev wasn't here.

Was it really her fault he was so busy? Surely he wouldn't mind if she spruced things up for them. She delicately picked up her wand again and fought back a yawn. She shouldn't be so tired so early in the morning, but then again that was one of the lovely side effects of being pregnant. Well, she would just do one more spell then call it a day. She would go read a book or something.

The cabinets would be her final project. They were a feature that dominated the room and the dark wood certainly wasn't helping. Lily picked up her wand and gave it another flick, meshing a transfiguration spell with a charm spell to change the stain into a lighter color.

A joyful giggle escaped her lips. She hadn't expected her little experiment to work. She knew that basics of each of the spells and knew that they were compatible but she really didn't think they would work. That was why she'd tried it; if she failed she had hoped it would dampen her decorating urge.

The new finish to the wood looked amazing. Just that change alone had made the room seem like an entirely new place.

The front door clicked open and she stood up quickly, her fingers itching to her wand so she could change it back before he saw it.

"Lily," his deep voice called from the hallway.

She hurried to him from the kitchen, raised on up her toes and lightly pressed her lips to his.

Severus returned the kiss but raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"What?" Lily asked, hoping her voice sounded innocent.

Severus shook his head. "Nothing. Are you hungry?"

Lily felt the flutter in her stomach again and was tempted to tell him she was tired and was going to lie down, but she might as well face the music now.

"I had a little breakfast."

"Oh, okay," Severus said, glancing at the grocery bag in one hand. "I suppose I have things for dinner then."

Lily felt a little guilty realizing he'd been to the store. She'd been sure he'd been to other less desirable places with far worse company.

"Lily," he called from the kitchen. He dragged out the syllables in her name and she knew he wasn't thrilled.

"Yes, Sev?" She put an extra pep into her voice and followed him into the kitchen.

Severus turned slowly on his heels and raised his eyebrows at her. "What happened?"

Her hand instantly went to her stomach and she bit down on her lip. "Well…you weren't here, and it seemed so dark that I thought it needed a change…"

She didn't realize until she looked at his disapproving face that she'd really wanted him to like it. But it was clear by his narrowed eyes that he wasn't happy.

"Have you made any other changes?" he asked, putting his grocery bag onto the counter.

Well, that was a start. He wasn't demanding she change it back.

"No, not yet, but I was thinking that we could take one of the upstairs—"

"Wait! Not yet? What do you mean not yet?" he asked, his eyes glinting.

Lily knew too late that she'd pushed too much too soon. She traced her fingers over her abdomen trying to think of something positive to say to make him stop glaring. "I was just thinking that with baby, we would need to make some changes…"

Severus pulled his fingers through his hair and tried not to sigh. "You can't just change things, Lily. You need to talk to me first."

"Because you do so well with change," she grumbled, not able to hide the hurt at his disapproval anymore.

Severus' face clouded over like it so often did and he shook his head. "I like change when it is appropriate. The appearance of my kitchen has nothing to do with the baby."

_My kitchen_. A horrible tantrum was starting to build in Lily's chest. He was going to take care of them. He was going to be there for them. Apparently as long as it wasn't in _his kitchen_.

Severus was oblivious to the impending storm. "Why don't we start with something we know we're going to need, like a room upstairs. We still have months to wait, so there's no rush—"

"What are you worried about?" Lily snapped.

"What?"

"You heard me. What are you worried about? Is this really about the cabinets, Sev? Or is this another way you're just trying to control what aspects of your life I'm able to be a part of? I can carry your child, but I can't have a say in what _your _house looks like?"

Severus brow was furrowed and he threw his hands up as he shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

Lily rolled her eyes and reached for her wand. "It doesn't matter, Sev. It's just the stupid cabinets."

His hand got to hers before she could reach it and he pulled her to him. "Don't do this, Lily. Don't shut me out."

Angry now, she jerked away from him and stared at him defiantly. "Me? Shut you out? Are you out of your mind? You're the one who has all the aspects of your life that I can't be a part of."

"Lily," he said softly. "I'm trying."

"You're not trying," she snapped. "You're compartmentalizing. I'm allowed to be here, but not here. I can go here, but I can't go here. You can't control me, Severus."

He sighed and shook his head. "I never wanted to control you."

"Really? Then why don't you want me going to St. Mungos?"

"Because I don't think it's safe."

"And the cabinets?"

"I just didn't want them changed!" He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms as he watched her. "Why do you have to turn it into some kind of dramatic scene? Why can't it be as simple as I didn't want it changed in the first place?"

Lily sat down in the chair and put her head in her hands. She wasn't being dramatic. This was so much bigger than the stupid cabinets. "You do know a lot is going to change very soon."

"I'm aware of that, Lily." Controlled Severus was taking over now; the calm, cool, overly-collected version of him.

Fine. If he wanted to play it like that. "Well, you don't seem to be handling it very well. But I'm going to help you out. I'm going to St. Mungos tomorrow to talk to them about that position." And with that, she stormed out of the room and started for the stairs.

"Lily!" Severus bellowed.

She ignored him and kept walking.

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" he snapped, following her.

Lily was on the stairs. "Because life isn't going to happen when I'm locked up safe and sound in a bedroom Severus. This isn't the eighteen hundreds and I'm not incapacitated. There are things happening out there I want to help." She turned her back on him and started up the steps.

"There are other ways for you to help," Severus called.

"Like you and your _friends?_" Lily hissed, venom in her voice. She jerked her head over her shoulder to look at him.

It happened in an instant.

Her momentum from the turn was too much. Her neck gave a spasm of protest and her body reacted at once. Her hand flew to her neck at the same time her foot slipped and the next thing she registered was the sensation of falling through the air.

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Please leave me a comment and thanks for reading!


	35. Chapter 35

Thank you so much for your comments. I know some of you are frustrated that my updates have slowed. It's not intentional I promise and I'm not going to abandon this story, so don't give up on me! After all the great things you have said, I couldn't just abandon all of you; that would horribly cruel!

Hopefully, you'll enjoy the news in this chapter!

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Severus saw it happening in that horrific slow motion that occurred when life wanted to mock someone with their helplessness; Lily's body twisted at a horrible angle, her face was a mask of pain and fear as her body arched back. He reached for her, his own stomach giving a panicked lurch. But he was too late.

His fingers brushed Lily's sleeve but he couldn't stop her. There was a sickening crack as her head hit the wall and he only managed to get his arms under her falling frame, sending both of them crashing to the floor.

All the wind rushed out of Severus' lungs. Several places on his torso screamed from their collision with the stairs. Pain darkened his vision and he did so well, but he closed his eyes to get his mind back together. As he was so well train he made his brain compartmentalize the pain; he couldn't let it take over so he blocked it out. He had to focus, had to block it out so he could help Lily. He inhaled sharply and felt his lungs give a violent protest but sweet, wonderful, pure oxygen pushed its way back into his lungs and even though it hurt like hell, it helped to clear his mind that much more.

"Lily," he gasped, dragging himself into a sitting position. She was crumpled on top of him. As he heaved his own twisted body into a better position on the stairs, he moved her gently and slowly.

Only her head had hit the wall right? His body had taken most of the impact.

Right?

The _crack_ hadn't been her neck. It just hadn't.

His whole body was shaking. He had to move her if he was going to be of any help to her. He wrapped his arms around her, his eyes raking her body for some kind of sign, any kind of sign that indicated this wasn't as horrific as his mind was playing out for him. Her chest was softly rising and falling and he through he could cry with relief. He pulled her body to him and cradled her head to his shoulder. "Lily!"

She wasn't responding.

His shaking fingers reached for her neck, gently seeking her pulse. It was taking all of his will power to remain calm. He found her pulse and sucked in a grateful breath of air when he felt the faint thump under his fingers.

He knew revival spells. He knew spells to help her, but he didn't know the effect in the baby. Severus scooped her up in his arms and disapparated.

He appeared outside the hospital. He considered pausing to changing his apperance but he didn't want to waste time. He needed to know that both Lily and the baby were okay.

Severus shouldered the door open and went straight to the desk, ignoring the man with a book that kept hitting him on the head and side-stepping the witch covered in bright pink feathers, he approached the witch at the desk.

"What floor?" she asked, not bothering to look up.

"She fell down the stairs. She's not responsive. I need help," he hissed softly, putting that extra dangerous emphasis behind his voice. He didn't have time to waste with formalities and he felt no shame at doing something extra to make sure Lily was attended to immediately.

It worked. The witch's eyes glazed over but he had her full attention.

"Follow me please." She probably wasn't supposed to leave her post but he would leave her to deal with later.

They rushed down the hallway to an empty room. Severus laid Lily on the bed then turned, irritated to see the hostess still standing there.

"Go!" he barked. "Get a healer!"

He leaned over the bed and brushed strands of hair away from her face. His heart wrenched at the sight of her shallow rapid breathing. His cupped the side of her face, wishing he could do more.

This child was beginning to terrify him. It was only 3 months old and had already drastically altered his life. He didn't like feeling helpless or useless but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't bring himself to try any spells that could put it in danger.

His chest gave an unpleasant tug when he called it an _it._ The word felt harsh and distant. That was how he'd grown up. The idea of even giving his child a moment of that kind of treatment made him sick to his stomach.

They needed to discover so many things about her pregnancy. He needed to know if he could make her potions. If he could perform healing charms on her. Surely there were some things that were safe and only affect her and not the child…but he knew he wouldn't try without being told it was safe first.

Moments later, a healer in a white coat came into the room with her wand raised. "What happened?"

"She's pregnant and she fell down the stairs. I-I tried to catch her but she hit her head...I didn't want to try anything that might hurt the baby."

The healer nodded and started waving her wand over Lily. Time seemed as though it was no longer moving forward. He stood in agony waiting. If something was wrong...he'd promised to protect her and he couldn't even keep her from falling down the stairs.

The healer conjured a cloth and laid it across her head then turned to Severus.

"How is she? How's the child?" he asked quickly.

"Bruised. She's hit her head here and there could be swelling. They both need rest. We'll get her something to help with the swelling and help settle her," the healer explained. She patted Lily's hand the swept from the room.

Severus sat on the bed and bounced his legs anxiously. She would be okay. The healer didn't seem overly concerned. She was bringing two potions to help. All right, that seemed a little excessive, but Lily never did anything without making a grand show of it.

Absent mindedly, he dragged his hand up his arm, stopping momentarily on his Dark Mark, his fingers tracing the outline through his sleeve.

The healer returned with the potions. She placed them on the bedside table then took her wand, tapped the cup, then tapped Lily's lips. She repeated the process for the second potion.

"I'm adept at potions," Severus began, glancing at the two cups on the table. "She's had a couple of days where she's felt overly drained or stressed and she's asked me to make her something. I've refused, because I don't want to hurt the child…"

The healer gave him a kind smile. "First time father?"

A tense smile tugged at his lips. It was odd to be sharing information about his private life with someone he didn't know, but he nodded his head.

"There are some potions and spells that are safe for expecting mothers. We usually discourage any self-spelling because too often people are over enthusiastic, but there are books that are available that can give you some of the safer ones. I'll get you some of the better titles and bring them back. As with anything in pregnancy, what usually effects the mother will affect her child. So something like a Cheering Charm means that not only will mother's mood be increased but so will the child which can mean periods of extreme baby activity and little rest for mum."

Severus nodded and smiled slightly. "Thank for ahead of time for the recommendations."

The healer smiled and left the room.

Sometime later, another healer appeared with forms. "We just need your signature."

Severus shook his head. "Later," he said, perhaps a little too firmly because the the witch looked momentarily perplexed, but she nodded and left the room.

He hated that he was reluctant to associate his name with hers but it was more for her protection than his.

Severus was sitting with his head in his head when he heard a soft moan from the bed. "Lily," he said softly, hurrying to her side.

Her eyes fluttered opened and she moans, pressing her fingers to her head. "What happened?"

He reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You fell. I was worried and I brought you to St. Mungos..."

"Is the baby okay?" she asked immediately.

Severus nodded. "But you need to take it easy."

"Babies," a voice from the doorway called.

They both turned.

The healer he'd been speaking to before came into the room and handed him a small piece of parchment with three book titles written in a slanted script.

"What did you say?" he asked softly; his brain refusing to process what he thought he'd heard.

"B-babies?" Lily echoed.

The healer smiled. "Yes, babies. You're having twins."

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What did you think? Please leave a comment!


	36. Chapter 36

I finally have internet back! Technological complications involving incompetent tech assistance, new products and general irritation left me stranded. So, I was hoping this could be a bit longer, but I was eager to get a new chapter posted. Grapes, Sharecrow, Guest, bbu22 , and doomsday2012, thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful support. Trapezefixe thanks for your suggestions, I hadn't considered a beta but maybe I should look into it.

Hopefully the typos aren't too much this time around and you all will enjoy!

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Twins. _Twins_!

Severus shook his head; he couldn't believe this.

He looked down and met Lily's eyes. Large, wide emeralds stared back at him a bit dazed but happy.

"I'll leave you two with your thoughts," the healer smiled as she turned her back and left the room.

"Twins," Severus murmured.

"Two," Lily answered. "Two babies."

"Did you ever think…?"

Lily shook her head. "Not for a moment." Her hand grazed her stomach and she looked up at him, her wide green eyes glistening. "We weren't sure what we would do with one. What will we even begin to do with two?"

"Love them," he answered softly. "Raise them to be talented, intelligent witches or wizards."

Lily gently placed both of her hand on her abdomen and the corners of her mouth curved upward as she looked down. "I can't believe this is happening."

He smiled as he crossed the room and gently picked up her hand. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.

"I mean, I was just starting to get used to the idea of _one _baby…" Lily smiled, slightly shaking her head.

"But it's happening," he smiled, kissing her hand again. "Do you want something? A drink a snack?" He just suddenly felt the need to walk.

Lily seemed to understand this. She offered him a smiled and nodded. "A drink would be great, Sev."

His grin grew even winder until he was concerned that his face may crack. He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, gave her hand a soft squeeze, and left the room.

His brain felt like it was doing a waltz with his heart. Even though the thought of a child had originally terrified him, there was something about the fact that it was twins that seemed to ascertain that this was something that was good and meant to happen.

He found his way to the tea room and took a deep breath, trying to restrain the smile. It wasn't like him to wear his emotions so obviously but he didn't think he could hold the smile in. He browsed the menu, noticing that he was alone in the room.

Or at least he thought he was.

"It's Snapey," a voice trilled.

Severus resisted the urge to tense up. What the hell was she doing here?

Clam. Composed.

He inhale deeply and turned around.

"There were rumors. Everyone said they weren't true, and that it couldn't be possible, but I knew better," Bellatrix smirked strolling into the room, soft wisps of black smoke curled away from her feet.

_Mind blank_, Severus repeated to himself. He had to focus. "And what rumors do you now have confirmed?"

Bellatrix came closer until they were chest to chest, she tilted her haughty chin up and locked eyes with him. "That you have a Muggle pet."

His hear did a stutter step in his chest.

"Isn't that right, Little Sevy? And to make it even better, you've have out her in a delightfully _compromising _position."

If he thought his heart had stopped before, that was nothing compared to the panicking feeling in his chest as he stared into the cruel eyes of Bellatrix Lestrange. Her face was simply alight with malice.

Panic unlike anything he knew was threatening to take over. There was nothing he could do to reverse what she knew. She was quicker with a wand and she had knowledge of far nastier spells than Severus could have hoped to defend against.

"What do you want, Bellatrix?" he growled.

She threw her head back and laughed a bone chilling cackle. "So many things, dear Severus."

With a quick draw he'd practiced to best Potter and Black, Severus whipped his wand out and flicked it in the direction of the door then the windows. Keeping with the same fluid movement, he held the wand and hands in the air in a symbol of surrender. "I did that so we can ensure we won't be interrupted. I don't want to play games. What is it that you want?"

"But I so enjoy games Severus."

He sucked in air fiercely, desperately hoping that the extra oxygen would help him to think straight. "This isn't a game."

"Really?" she smiled, tracing her hand down the front of his t-shirt. "What is _this_, Severus?"

Severus closed his eyes and spoke slowly. "What do you want?"

"I want it all, Severus."

"You want control."

"Yes. You are quickly becoming a favorite of the Dark Lord. That is dangerous, especially when you apparently cannot show loyalty."

"I have my loyalties," he growled.

"To a filthy little Mudblood?"

His body reacted to the term, his muscles clenched even tighter than they already were, but he could not react. She wanted exactly that to only prove her suspicions. "The loyalty of a master to its dog."

That statement took Bellatrix a back. She finally stepped away from him and cocked her head to the side as she folded her thin arms across her chest. "You're trying to tell me that you think of her like a pet?"

"I've not once failed the Dark Lord. I've completed every task he's required of me. I've completed it so satisfactorily that he is apparently gaining fondness for me. Why should she make any difference?"

"You have not told the Dark Lord," Bellatrix retorted. "Secrets do not display loyalty."

"And you have not told him of your fondness for those other than your husband. Do your little escapades not call your loyalty into question?"

Her hand shot out and slapped across his face. The blow snapped his head to the side and had far more bite than Lily had ever struck him with.

"What I do on my time is not any of your business, but I would never bring my toys to St. Mungos."

"So, we've successfully managed to keep the conversation in a circle. You've supplied me with more false accusations and yet you've said nothing of what you really want." Severus glared at her and folded his hands behind his back. Physically crossing himself or folding his hands was the only way he seemed to be able to restrain himself. "Again, I will tell you I don't like games. Tell me what you want or I'm leaving."

Bellatrix unfolded her thin arms as she bit her lip. "I want you to take your little pet home today. I'll say nothing, but I am so very glad we got to have this chat." Bellatrix turned on her heel and swept from the room and was gone.

Severus stumbled back against the wall and slid slowly down to the ground. His stomach had almost crawled into his throat; it was taking more concentration than he thought he could manage to make himself keep breathing. He brought his knees to his chest and pressed his palms against his forehead.

Why was it that he was stupid enough to believe that he would be allowed to be happy? Just because Bellatrix left didn't mean Lily would be safe.

Severus pounded his hands against his head. "Get it together," he growled.

He leaned his head back, bouncing it against the wall. He inhaled deeply and pushed himself off the ground. He needed to get back to Lily.

He couldn't tell her. There wasn't a way to make this make any sense. And he didn't need to scare her.

Severus knew he needed to tell her something but he didn't know what. He hurried down the hallway to the open door of the hospital room and felt her chest tighten when he realized she was not in the room.

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I'm completely taking advantage of having the internet and there will be an update in a couple of days! Until this, what did you think? Your thoughts and comments are so helpful!


	37. Chapter 37

Oh my, I'm not sure what is happening to time at all, but if someone would slow it down, that would be simply amazing!

I think I'm losing readers because I'm struggling to update like I used to. It's not intentional and I really am trying, I just think it's that time of year when the demands on time suddenly quadruple.

To those of you who are still with me, thank you so much! And to those still leaving reviews, you really are the reason I make myself take free time to just write a paragraph until I get something publishable! (On the plus side, this is one of my longer chapters!)

Thanks for coming back!

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Severus stormed into the room, turning in a tight circle, looking for some sign of her. She was gone. He rushed over to the bed, looking for a sign that Lily had just gotten up and left the room. The bed was empty of any indication she had been there. He ripped open the door of the dresser. Nothing.

His chest was tightening. He sucked in a mouthful of air through his clenched teeth. He spun around, looking for something, anything, any kind of a sign that she had been in there, but the room was stripped.

He turned, desperately trying to hold onto his composure. His fingers were itching to his wand. The irrational part of him wanted to tear down the hallways, blasting away everything that was even remotely slowing him down until he found her.

"Excuse me," Severus said as he saw a healer coming toward him. His voice was sharper than he would have liked, but considering the number of curses that were running through his head, he was actually quite proud of himself. "There was a young woman, her name is Lily, in the room just down the hall. She's gone…"

Instantly, he knew the situation was horrible. Her face clouded over, she was confused then concerned. "If you can just go to the waiting room…"

"Like hell," Severus snapped.

It must have been his tone this time that caused her alarm to turn on him. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to return to the waiting room."

Her eyes darted down the hall to another wizard who had noticed the commotion. His was not a small wizard either. He was someone who appeared to have lived off a few bottles of SkeletaGrow.

Severus glared at the witch and turned, walking down the hallway. He could hear the footsteps behind him and he started walking even faster.

Severus took a few sharp turns finally finding an empty room. He held his breath as he listened for the approach and eventual fade away of those same steps.

He leaned back against the wall and pressed his fingers to his head, trying to think.

She wouldn't just get up and leave. She was far more concerned about the twins and about him than to leave without saying anything.

Then it hit him as though a stack of bricks had slammed into his chest.

Bellatrix.

A beastly roar grew in the back of his throat but stayed locked between his clenched teeth. Severus knew his couldn't start screaming. How the hell could he find Bellatrix? For an idiotic moment, he considered the Dark Mark on his arm. That would be a way to get the bitch's attention.

Severus closed his eyes and bounced his head on the wall. Each forceful knock seem to help his mind to clear just a little more so he could think properly.

If Bellatrix had Lily, he had to move carefully. If he angered her there would be little telling what she would do to Lily or the babies.

What did Bellatrix want?

Certainly she enjoyed toying with people for the sake of it, but that was with Muggles or weaker wizards, people she could easily dispose of. Unless she planned on doing something to him—he wasn't going to go anywhere without a fight—then she'd acted foolishly. And she couldn't be ignorant enough to think he'd stand by and let her do what she wanted with Lily.

Closing his eyes, Severus gave into the familiar feeling of the air crushing in around him, shoving him through space and matter, the atmosphere feeling as though it were trying to reject every molecule of his body that he was attempting to apparate.

The discomfort vanished and he was back in his own sitting room. He allowed himself a moment to gather his thoughts and he started to reach for a book on the shelf when he froze. There were voices in his house.

He stopped moving, surely they'd heard him apparate and were now alert, but there didn't seem to be a change in the conversation. Severus turned slowly. The voices were coming from the kitchen, and they were distinctly female.

He wrapped his fingers more tightly around his wand and moved forward.

He heard the familiar ring of Lily's laughter which was joined but another, rougher laugh that didn't sound quite as natural.

He cleared the doorway and felt his heart drop when he saw Bellatrix sitting at the kitchen table with Lily.

But it was almost as though it wasn't Bellatrix. Her mess of black hair had been tamed into a thick braid. Her usually pale face was almost rosy and she was not wearing her typical uniform of black, she was instead in a fitted dress the color of a rich, red wine. Sever narrowed his eyes, suspicious and irritated. He'd never seen her out of her black clothes.

Bellatrix broke off mid-laugh and looked up at him with surprise.

Lily noticed her expression and turned quickly in her seat. "Oh, hello, Severus!" she called, happily.

He was trying to control his reaction, but he really didn't understand her ease as she sat at the table with Bellatrix. He moved carefully into the room, his behavior was that of someone approaching an alert cobra. "Lily, no one knew that you had left the hospital. They were worried," he said softly.

Lily's green eyes clouded and she looked confused. "No one knew I'd left…"

She'd been confounded. That was the only explanation for her willing departure from the hospital. But to see Bellatrix sitting with her…almost as though she were gloating was almost more than Severs thought he could handle at the moment.

"You said you wanted to come back," Bellatrix purred suddenly, standing up and moving very close to Lily.

"Oh, right. That's right," Lily murmured.

"Have a seat, dear," Bellatrix answered. "I'll get you a drink."

She guided Lily back into her chair and shot Severus a smirk before getting Lily a glass of water.

Severus used the momentary distract to kneel down and put his hands gently only Lily's knees. "Are you all right?"

His tone threw her off, just something else she was struggling to put together. "I-I'm fine. Why? Should something be wrong?"

Severus forced a smile to his lips and gently shook his head. "No. I just wanted to make sure."

He forced himself back into a stand position as he saw Bellatrix moving at the sink.

"Here you go, dearie," she stated. Lily might be buying her act, but Severus wasn't. Each word was sticking in Bellatrix's throat like a large rock cake.

"Why don't you finish that up, then we can get you upstairs and let you rest up a bit," Bellatrix suggested.

Lily nodded, still obviously working under the confundus charm.

Severus watched the show while trying not to grimace. The confundus charm aside, she was no real threat to Lily at the moment. Even though it felt wrong to just watch her, he made himself stay still. Once Lily was safely upstairs, he would cast muffalito and he would ensure that Bellatrix knew just how far over the line she had gone.

As though moving through very thick jello, Lily finished her water then excused herself for a brief rest.

Severus listened to the familiar creaking of the house then the click of her door. With a flash of his wand that almost surprised him, Severus cast the spell then turned it on Bellatrix who was waiting with a smirk, her own wand not even in her hand.

"You're foolish to not even raise your wand," he hissed.

"I don't need to," she grinned.

"You're even more foolish to think that you can toy with her," he growled.

"Oh, I don't think I can," she answered, stepping closer to him.

The familiar pounding of unrelenting anger was beginning to set fire to the insides of her veins. His breath was quickening and he wanted nothing more than to force the smirk from her face.

"I don't think I can because I _know_ that I can," she taunted. "I got her out of the hospital. I could have taken her anywhere."

His fingers trembled at the wand he was holding aloft.

"Now, now, Sevy, are we playing fair? I don't even have my wand and you look as though you have no control over yours." Bellatrix's smirk turned into a grin. "I don't really understand what you are so upset about. I brought her safely _home_."

"You are to leave her alone," he hissed.

"Or what?"

"I could do it, you know," Severus snarled, leveling his wand with her chest. The threat was there in the air, the venom almost dripping off his words.

"Do it then," Bellatrix taunted. She stepped back and held her arms open. "Show me what you've got."

The flood of anger overtook him. He focused on the fear and the anger he felt when he realized Lily was gone, he tried to channel that to his wand. His mind was racing, battling with himself. As quickly as he'd made the decision to stop her madness, he altered his plan, he just need her to understand pain. But his mind faltered again.

Like the perfectly trained huntress that she was, Bellatrix pounced on his weakness. In a split second, she covered the distance between them, on hand locking firmly on his wand wrist, twisting it until his felt his hold breaking. Her other hand snaked around him, grabbing a fist full of his hair at the nape of his neck and jerking his head back.

A wretched cry of pain escaped his lips and Severus hated himself for it. Bellatrix only grinned and pulled his head back farther. Using force she didn't appear as though she could possess, she pulled him to her, pressing their bodies against each other and leaving him no room to fight back unless he wanted his wrist snapped or something similar done to his neck.

A wicked trill escaped her plump red lips as her dark eyes locked on his own.

"You don't have it in you, Sevy." She leaned in closer. He could feel her breath on his face. "You've got to really mean every word. You've got to feel it like fire racing through your blood and taking over. You've got to be able to control it."

She gave his head a jerk to the side, exposing his neck. For a wild moment he though she was going to bite him like a vampire but instead she traced her tongue up his neck then jerked his head upright again to look him in the eyes. "You've got to understand passion and know how to master it."

Heat was rushing though him. An intense fire like that of his anger but somehow different…He wanted her to let him go, he wanted her gone from the house now, but he knew his wants at the moment mattered for nothing.

Bellatrix tilted her head as she stared into his eyes almost as though she were trying to read his mind.

As quickly as the attack had come, she let go of him, even shoving him away from her. Her eyes were black as she looked at him, her cheeks still slightly flushed. "You'll want to tread carefully, Sevy." She raked her fingers over the Dark Mark on her arm through the sleeve of her dress. "You might be more fun that I thought, and running will only make me enjoy the chase even more."

In a woosh of black smoke she was gone, leaving Severus baffled and alone in the kitchen.

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So what did you think? I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment!


	38. Chapter 38

Welcome back! I promised once before and I will promise again, **I will not abandon this story**. My updates are not as frequent (I'm blaming the holidays) but I have every intention of finishing it. I'm so grateful to all of you who have stuck by me and you continue reading!

I've have several new people add me to alerts! Thank you so much and I hope you're enjoying!

Comments have been dropping off (I almost feel like that's my punishment for updating less frequently) but I hope you can leave some feedback that you're at least still liking the story!

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"Severus!" Her voice was just loud enough to reach him down stairs.

Severus took a deep breath, pulling his composure back together. He took the stairs two at a time and made it to the small bedroom. Lily was on her side in the bed expectantly watching the door.

He walked into the room and smiled her. "Hello beautiful," he said softly, sitting down on the bed.

Lily curled her body a little tighter, reaching her arms out to wrap around his knees and bumping his legs with her own in a very awkward hug.

Severus chuckled softly and reached down and kissed the side of her head. "Everything okay?" he asked softly.

She tilted her head up and nodded. "I just didn't want to be alone right now."

He raised an eyebrow, stood up, gently moved her over on the bed, then stretched out beside her. "You're not alone," he said. "What's on your mind right now?" He was worried that she was having some ill effects from Bellatrix's spell.

"Oh…the babies…you..." She wrinkled her nose. "Labor pains."

"Hopefully, we won't have to worry about labor pains for another six months."

Lily rolled onto her back and pulled her shirt up to show her stomach. "If this is any indication, I may not make it to six months!"

Severus kissed her exposed stomach and looked up at her. "What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't be showing this much!"

Severus smiled and placed his palms on her stomach. He knew this kind of behavior had been inevitable. "I think it's wonderful."

"You would," Lily shot back, but then her face broke into a smile. "I don't mind _looking_ pregnant, I just want them to be okay. I don't want to go into early labor; I don't want anything to hurt them."

Severus leaned forward and kissed her, sliding his arm around her and pulling her to him. He loved the feel of her against him. The way the fantastic floral scent engulfed him whenever she was near. Lily slipped her arms around his neck and locked her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. How he wished all of their time could be like this. Be he wasn't going to think of other times right now, right now, as he slid his hands across the soft skin of her back, he was only going to think about her.

Severus awoke some time later, slid out of bed and dressed quickly while keeping an eye on Lily to make sure she didn't wake. He crept out of the bedroom then hurried down the stairs.

There were several potions brewing that needed to be tended to.

He went into the basement. A bouquet of scents rose to meet him, some not nearly as pleasant as the others.

He rotated among the cauldrons, adding ingredients, stirring, lowering the heat, and siphoning off some to add to flagons. He continued collecting samples, adding them to a padded bag.

It wouldn't be long until how he had to deliver at least four of them. His hand raked up his left arm and he sighed, looking down at the mark on his arm.

As if on a cue, he felt it burn suddenly.

Startled, Severus almost dropped the flask he was holding, but he gathered his senses together and closed his eyes.

He appeared in a dark room. He glanced around. Through the filmy dirty curtains, he could see the crumbling brick of the building across the narrow airshaft. The room was dark except for the warm red embers glowing in the fireplace and outside he could hear the noise of busy traffic on the streets outside.

"Ah, Severus," a low voice hissed.

"My Lord," he answered, keeping his head low. "I have several of the potions."

"And I am sure they are of high quality. Please place them on the table," the Dark Lord said. "I wanted to speak with you about something I need to happen."

Severs raised his head ever so slightly and looked inquiringly at Voldemort.

"There are some things I need taken care of, Severus," he began slowly. "Some sensitive things."

"Yes, my Lord?"

"This involves you going to Hogwarts. I placed something in Hogwarts long ago, something I was unsure how to protect so I left it in the safest place I knew."

Severus nodded, trying not to think about what he was implying; he wanted to simply listen until he had the entire scope of the idea.

"You will return to Hogwarts and retrieve this item."

Severus nodded. "I will leave right away, sir."

He heard the movement of the Dark Lord's robes as he moved forward. "This is a mission that I need the utmost concealment. The item you need to retrieve must be hidden when it is removed from the castle."

"I can do that, sir," Severus said softly.

"I am afraid, my friend, that you are not realizing the gravity of this request. The first of the items you must retrieve is very valuable to me, and any hindrance in my receiving of this item will result in a great deal of suffering for anyone who may prevent that. And I need to know that person I have chosen to entrust with such a mission understands and follow my instructions."

A knot had developed in Severus' stomach. He understood what was being implied. He knew he could not deny this 'mission.' He also knew that if he failed in any way, he would be killed. But he wasn't ready to return to Hogwarts, it wasn't anything to do with the castle but something felt unusual about this request. Hogwarts had never been a threatening place to him before and he wasn't sure what was causing his current apprehension. Maybe it was the mission, maybe it was Voldermort's tone.

"My Lord, may I ask a question?" If he was going to embark on a mission that had him feeling like this, he may as well start it off right by pushing his luck.

"Of course, Severus." The Dark Lord's tone was not one welcoming of questions but he did not sound angry yet.

"I only wish to know what challenges I may face."

"Dumbledore, my dear, Severus," Voldermort hissed.

Severus raised his eyebrows. "He will not want me to return to Hogwarts?"

"He will be suspicious of your return and no doubt suspicious of you. He will watch you. And he _cannot _have the item I wish for you to retrieve. Dumbledore would stop at nothing to prevent you from retrieving the item I have hidden because he no doubt believes that it will help him stop me. He is wrong. I am unstoppable now. But I still want what is mine."

The more his words slipped past his thin lips, the worse the knot of apprehension grew. Severus knew any sign of weakening would only get him killed. So, he did the only thing he could. He grit his teeth and spoke quickly. "Tell me what I need to do."

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What did you think? I'd love to hear from you!


	39. Chapter 39

Thank you to the readers who are sticking with me! I'm trying to get better at updating and I'm hoping now that the holidays are nearly over, that I'll get back on track.

This was a tricky chapter to write. I've enjoyed playing inside of Severus' head because it feels so much more interesting that Lily's right now but I'm trying to keep the tension rising without letting everything fall apart.

Overall, I enjoyed writing this first part, and I hope I got Dumbledore right!

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Severus the creeping feeling of cold inside his chest was taking over and freezing his insides. It was that feeling when one got when they were facing a task that they had no hope in accomplishing. He would need to get into Hogwarts, find the Hidden Room, and then find the necklace.

It sounded simple enough but he knew it wouldn't be. Dealing with the Dark Lord had taught him that individual missions were given to those Voldemort wished to punish or those he wanted who had something to prove.

Severus closed his eyes and allowed the darkness to close around him. It pulled him forward until his feet found footing on the ground. Severus opened his eyes and stumbled forward; the village of Hogsmead was quite on this summer evening. Lights glowed from the windows of the shops and the flats above them.

His eyes raked the streets; he didn't know what he was looking for; it was almost as though part of him was hoping for something to stop him, but no such luck.

Severus started forward; his wand tucked carefully in the pocket of his dark jeans. He walked down the dark streets, his feet slipping over the cobble stones as he hurried across the path toward the castle.

With each step his heart twisted in chest, tightening with each step, making it harder and harder to breathe. Once the lights had faded behind him, he stopped and leaned against the tree.

What was wrong with him? What was he thinking? He didn't have a chance in hell of outsmarting Dumbledore. If he made it past the doorway without getting kicked out that would be an accomplishment.

Severus closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He just needed to get it together, once he did that he just needed to hold it together. He was chosen for this specifically.

He'd watched other instances of infiltrations. He was far more talented than several of the others who had performed more dangerous missions. All he had to do was survive his meeting with Dumbledore then when he went to leave the castle, he would take a wrong turn, find the room, lock himself inside and begin his search. His first step was just a little meeting; the Dark Lord had mentioned that he would be discussing a teaching position.

Severus tried no to roll his eyes. Teaching ignorant children had never really appealed to him and he wasn't sure how to pretend it interested him now. But, the Dark Lord had already taken care of the arrangements of the meeting so he better figure out how to pretend he wanted to do it now.

As he neared the castle, he could see the lights glowing from the many windows. He took a deep breath and tried to settle his stomach. He hurried to the gate, removed his wand and gave the gate a tap. Slowly, the wrought iron bars creaked opened to admit him. As he stepped through, the slight buzz rippled through him as though all of his nerves were awakened and ready for something.

Severus couldn't help but smirk; this was surely one of Dumbledore's tricks to ensure the students were ready to learn. Funnily enough, he didn't remember it as a student though. He was intrigued. This was a new spell he hadn't encountered before. He made a mental note to discuss it with Lily when he returned to the house.

He considered the spell for a moment. If he could put spells over the students maybe teaching wouldn't be such a horrible idea.

Severus shook his head. Was he actually considering teaching? What kind of a fool would he have to be to become a teacher? He rolled his head eyes, he was already getting sidetracked.

Moving quickly up the large walkway, Severus slowed to a stop as he heard heavy foot falls behind him.

"Evenin' Severus," Hagrid called, reaching for the door ahead of him. "Good to see ya."

Severus gave a curt nod and thanked him softly. There seemed to be something he should say but he couldn't bring himself to fill the void with anything meaningful. "I'm here for a meeting with the headmaster."

Hagrid looked him over, raking his large fingers through his beard. He nodded toward the staircase. "You know the way."

Severus nodded and mounted the stairs. The meeting with Hagrid had already thrown him. Before James and his pack of idiots had destroyed his friendship with Lily, he'd tagged along to the gamekeeper's hut with her. He never said much, but it had been pleasant listening to the two of them discussing various magical creatures around the grounds. But he'd never felt entirely comfortable with Hagrid on his own.

It was after dinner. The great hall had been empty and there were very few students in the hallways. The students he did pass gave him sidelong glances then hurried away. Severus folded his arm across his chest, clamping his right hand over the covered Dark Mark on his left. It was an awkward way to stand, but just feeling it under his fingers helped him to feel a surge of power. His heart had leapt into the vicinity of his throat again and he was struggling to keep his breathing even. He walked past the suits of armor, taking the familiar turns and shortcuts. He squeezed his arm and slowly regained control. He knew what he had to do. He had to keep it together long enough to convince Dumbledore.

As he turned another corner he slowed. Did he really even need to go to the meeting with Dumbledore? He was halfway to the seventh floor corridor…

He shook his head. Now was not the time to deviate. Now was not the time to take risks. He hurried down the next hallway before he could concoct another idea that was just as stupid.

Then he was standing in front of the stone gargoyles. He had only been there a moment before stone began to turn and he stepped onto and rode the spiraling staircase to a door which swung open before him.

"Good evening, Severus," the soft voice called. Dumbledore stepped forward from the shadows, extending his long hand.

"Good even, Professor Dumbledore," he answered.

Dumbledore shook his hand then gestured to two chairs angled toward the other in front of the fire. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir." Severus was glancing quickly around the office, trying to take it in and make a mental note of any changes. He hadn't been in the office frequently, but he had been in there enough times that he remembered the office and the many gadgets that adorned the shelves and the exquisite volumes of books.

"I must say, Severus, I was surprised to learn of your interest in the Defense Against the Dark Arts Position," Dumbledore stated.

Severus had to will himself to remain impassive. Defense Against the Dark Arts? Defense? The Dark Lord did have a horrible twisted sense of humor. He no more wanted to teach the little idiots defense than to curse them for sitting in the chairs. He own fascination with the Dark Arts did not extend to defense except in the fact that if he knew the defenses then he could certainly strengthen the attack to break any barriers he may encounter.

Dumbledore had stopped, obviously waiting for Severus to speak.

"Well, sir," he began, resisting the urge to shift in his chair was it would be an obvious give away that he was lying. "I feel the knowledge of the Dark Arts—and therefore the proper protection against such acts—is vital to the students in the present climate." How he wished Dumbledore wouldn't stare at him like that. He knew he was spouting shit and he wasn't ignorant enough to think that Dumbledore would buy it.

"I agree with what you're saying," the headmaster answered and again Severus had to remind himself not to let his jaw drop or to give himself away. "But I don't believe you are the right person to teach them."

Severus had always appreciated Dumbledore's straightforward manner but he couldn't help but to feel his temper rise at the blunt assessment. "Excuse me?"

Dumbledore leaned forward, his fingers steepled together, resting only inches from his chin. "There are many rumors about you, Severus Snape. Rumors that make me uneasy. I've heard about Miss Evans and I can only hope that this is part of your motivation in coming to see me."

He'd heard about Lily? How? How was it even possible for him to know? Even worse, if Dumbledore knew, did that mean that the Dark Lord knew also?

"You are making choices, Severus, that are not in the best interest of your future. I cannot entrust the position of a teacher to someone who is being so reckless in decisions that affect the lives of others."

"You do not—"

"I am speaking, Severus," Dumbledore said sharply. "While I do not doubt your experience with the Dark Arts, I have to wonder if you goal has been defense. I have to wonder why you—who have never expressed a desire to teach before now—would suddenly find the urge so strong now. If I were to expect anyone connected to you, it would be Miss Evans, but no doubt her condition would make teaching a bit of a hassle." Dumbledore stood up and glanced wistfully at the fire, then turned his knowing eyes back to Severus. "I feel you could not properly fill the position of a teacher until you realize what that position truly means. This is not a position in which you can experiment and create your own rules. We must all think about our choices and we must move quickly if we want the best outcome. Though I am closing this door to you, Severus, shall you decide that you need help yourself, I do ask that you return before it is too late."

One of his many gadgets began to chime like a clock, Dumbledore glanced over his should, then at Severus, then to the door. "I believe that will be all for this evening."

Severus felt as though he'd been insulted, slapped, reprimanded, and dismissed all in the matter of their very short meeting. His jaw was locked in the way that was usually only brought on by a losing argument with Lily. He accepted Dumbledore's outstretched hand and shook it slowly.

"You're wrong," he said, his voice soft but dangerous. He didn't trust himself to say more.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "I hope so, my dear boy, I do hope so."

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So, what did you think? Still interesting? I'd love to hear your feedback!


	40. Chapter 40

An update in just two days! I must say I am very proud of myself! Thank you to the wonderful people who have left me reviews, it was part of the awesome motivation to write more so I could hear from you again.

I can't believe this is my 40th chapter and I still have people adding me and signing up for alerts! Thanks for liking my story and for sticking with me this long. I hope you like what you're reading.

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Severus left Dumbledore's office incredibly pissed. What did the headmaster mean when he said that Severus had no idea what it meant to be a teacher? He was to stand in front of a bunch of brats all day long, tell the little shits what to do, then proceed to tell them how they did it incorrectly. It didn't take a genius to be a teacher. Hell, they didn't even have to like him as long as he knew what he was talking about they were bound to pick something up.

Severus practically stomped down the stairs. Dumbledore was a foolish old man; he was set in his ways and didn't have the slightest clue what was "best" for these students.

Severus hesitated on the steps as he realized he shouldn't have been going down the stairs at all. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force himself to get it back together. He was unnerved by the lack of students that he'd passed so far. He started back up the stairs; his resentment finally ebbing enough to realize that it was the summer time and during the summer time there weren't any students in Hogwarts.

This just confused his anger-addled brain. He'd seen students in the Great Hall on his way to the interview.

But it was early August.

As a student he'd never been to Hogwarts during the summer, but on occasions there had been rare transfer students to other houses or a student with a particularly foreign accent. They'd never affected his daily life so he hadn't given them much thought. But as his mind replayed the students he'd seen earlier, he realized they had not been in tradition Hogwarts robes.

Fantastic. So, now, he didn't have to just be concerned with meeting someone he recognized now he had to worry about some lost foreigner, or maybe even a group of them. Or a teacher leading them.

He rolled his eyes, trying to will away his irritation. But surely the Dark Lord knew of this? Was this another obstacle for him to overcome?

His head felt as though it were on fire with his irritation and frustration. Between Dumbledore and the Dark Lord he felt like his head was going to explode. Both men seemed to find him incompetent and yet he had the most irrational desire to prove himself to both men.

After listening closely to hallways and corridors, ducking into empty classrooms when he heard approaching footsteps, Severus finally found himself alone in the seventh floor corridor. He stared at the blank stretch of wall and remembered each step the Dark Lord had told him.

He walked slowly down the corridor, focusing specifically on what he had been instructed to do and on the description of the room he'd been given.

He steps were slow but deliberate. He had to push away his anger and be clear or the room may not show at all.

On the third pass he heard the faintest sound, like a cinderblock being dragged across stone. He finally opened his eyes and was the tall wooden doors in front of him exactly as they'd been described.

A fleeting moment of pride tried to swell in his chest, but it was quickly squashed by the idea that the true mission had just begun. For a horrible moment, he wished he would have had the time to stop and tell Lily where he was going. His heart gave painful twinge at the idea that he could do something wrong and never be able to return to Lily or the babies again.

Before he could wander too far down that avenue he grasped the door handle and stepped inside.

Immediately he was greeted by a wall of fire. He took a step back but didn't feel the knobs of the door pressing into his back instead he felt cold stones.

The entire front of his body was covered in sweat, he reached for his wand but his fingers were too slick to grasp it. He wiped his hand quickly on his jeans and tried again.

His fingers closed around the wand and he yanked it from his pocket, his arm slamming into the wall in his haste. His elbow exploded in a flash of pain as it connected with the cool stone.

He raked his free hand across his forehead as his brain slowly processed.

_The stone was cool. _

He changed the spell he was going to say, waved his wand and flames vanished.

Severus exhaled deeply as he leaned back against the still cool wall. Not even in the room for five minutes and he'd encountered a spell at could have killed him. The fire was a kind that appeared to burn everything around it; it burned hot and fiercely and he was sure that his face was reddened from the flames, but everything behind the flames was protected.

Had he tried any other spell the magic only would have fed the flames and made it more powerful and more dangerous. Had it not been for the cool stones behind him he wouldn't have known to change the spells.

Severus breathed softly through his mouth and took in the room. Mountains and mountains of objects filled the room. He stepped closer, examining the objects in the nearest pile. Many of them were broken or falling apart or objects that should not have been in Hogwarts at all.

Something glimmered in the pile, he moved closer, slowly reaching his hand forward. His hand was only inches from an elaborately covered banned spell book when he heard the familiar hiss of the Dark Lord's voice. "Touch nothing but the necklace."

He wanted to ignore the command, he hadn't been warned about the fire and maybe this was just a warning to keep him from doing something…but what could there be in here that he wouldn't want him to know about?

Severus stepped away from the pile and looked around him. The mountains seemed to extend for miles. He hadn't really been given any landmarks to identify the location of the necklace.

He waved his wand. "Accio necklace." Nothing happened. "Damn," he muttered, taking a few steps.

Moving forward, he tried to walk past piles but as he moved forward there were objects he found it harder and harder to move past. It was as though the items were reaching out to him, calling him back, demanding his eyes stare at them, almost commanding him to reach out and pick them up.

Severus got too close to one pile, his foot hitting something. There were a small explosion and the item multiplied. The gemino curse surprised him, he stumbled. His hand shot out to catch himself, his fingers brushed the chain of a pocket watch.

Severus caught his footing, but it was too late; the chain wrapped around his arm, growing hotter by the second, it stretched farther, magically growing as it snaked toward his neck. The metal was making his skin feel like it was being consumed by fire. A scream that bordered more along the lines of a roar ripped from his throat. He grasped frantically for his wand. Spells bubbled from his mouth, some of them pure nonsense, some of them useless, but thankfully-blissfully-something finally worked. The chain fell to the floor with a clink. Severus stumbled away from the pile gagging. His fingers traced over his throat, he could feel welts on his skin and he was coughing violently. His chest heaving. Severus now looked at the monstrous piles with new eyes. Each item had the potential to becoming something viciously murderous.

Did that mean that everything was cursed? How many hours would it have taken to curse all of these items? Was that how the Dark Lord had honed his skills? Was Severus the first person to try these out? Or had the Dark Lord lured others into this room to test his skills?

A chill ran through him as he looked around.

This wasn't right. It wasn't possible that the Dark Lord had stored of these items himself. Was it possible that this room was not exclusive territory to the Dark Lord?

Severus held very still as he looked over the items. These were items that a student was likely to have and need a place to hide. Severus narrowed his eyes. The little idiots could walk in here and accidently touch an item and kill themselves.

He carefully navigated his way deeper into the room. His mind skimming through spells. What had he used to stop the chain? He couldn't remember. Maybe he would just try casting things again until something reacted.

He was sure that he'd walked at least a mile through this damn room and he hadn't seen any sign of the necklace. Frustrated, he kicked at the nearest table leg without thinking. The items onto of it clattered to the ground. He flinched waiting for it to multiply, but it didn't.

He slowly let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. An elaborately carved box had cracked open in the fall. A glittering S made from green stones was on the face of a heavy pendant of a necklace that rested on top of a black velvet pillow. He bent slowly and picked up the box. This was the necklace he'd been looking for.

But the box wasn't empty.

Severus pocketed the necklace. He started to adjust the pillow so he could shut the box when he saw a glimmer in the bottom. He lifted the pillow and saw an ornate silver crow with a huge blue jewel in the center. The Dark Lord hadn't mentioned it so it must not be important. It was another of the objects that seemed to scream to him but he was reluctant to touch it. Using his wand, he stabbed it into the box, hooking the crown over it. He carefully removed it from the box and spun in a circle. It was distinctive enough that he knew it would catch his attention again and he wanted to set himself up some kind of a landmark. He turned in a circle and saw a mannequin. He tipped his wand and the crown slid on top of it.

That would mark his place until he could come back. Now all he had to do was find his way out of this junkyard hell.

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Looking forward to hearing any reactions to this chapter; please leave a comment.


	41. Chapter 41

Althea27, Actionliker, Professor Radar, Inphemera, Moonlit skye, Hpforever, Zireal07, Doomsday2012, Willkilltosurvive-wkts, Puscifer, Ice kristea, Rubyrosa, Iophiel, Sevfanfictions, Roya reader, Blu, Sharecrow, Bbu22, Biasmalfoy, Suitably contrary, Mrs. Potter, Grapes, Hule, Mambajama, Missyick, Amarazi, Flame55, Trapezefixe, Purple, JustKaty, Qwertzuiop4, Arty, Ramonks33, if you're still with me, I can't say thank you enough. Even though I've never met you, I still feel like we're friends and I feel like I've let you down because I disappeared for so long—I'd like to pretend I was shoved in a broken vanishing cabinet, but no such luck, just life—but I've promised a few of you that I will not abandon this story. I will bring it to a satisfying ending instead of letting it rot as unfinished. But you 33 who have been kind enough to leave comments, you are the reason I can't let this go unfinished. I owe it to you to keep going until it's finished. I just wanted to make sure you know how much I appreciate you taking the time to offer kind words or blunt reviews. I love it all and I hope you'll find something worth commenting on again!

To the 60 people who have this story on alert, I'm so glad you enjoy it enough that you want to come back!

To the 25 favorites, I'm so excited that you like it enough to consider it a favorite!

Based off of feedback for the last chapter we're not a fan of Severus' adventures…well, try to stick with this chapter (it's crazy long compared to what I normally write) there are a couple thousand words of Severus and Lily goodness. I'm trying to make up for falling off the face of the world…

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Severus' pocket felt as though he'd shoved a small brick into it, not a small golden locket. The thing didn't look impressive, and it certainly didn't look work the trouble he'd went through to get it. He started to reach into his pocket to pull the thing out again, but a tiny voice in his head that sounded surprisingly like Lily's stopped him and told him to just get out of Hogwarts.

He hurried through the piles items until he finally saw the flat expanse of wall ahead of him; it at least looked like the wall he'd come through. As he neared it however, he realized there was no door.

Severus stopped and turned around looking back at the vastness of the room and piles. It had to be as long as two Quidditch fields. He didn't want to go wandering around this room trying to find the door. This was the way he'd come in. He was sure of it.

"Let me out," he hissed, softly.

Nothing happened. Not that he'd really expected anything to happen but he was disappointed all the same. His eyes scanned the nearest pile of junk; the items _did _look familiar. He turned back to the wall. He muttered a few curses. He tried jinxes; he tried hexing. But the wall remained stubbornly blank.

Through all of his testing, the item in his pocket seemed to grow heavier. And again Severus found himself fighting the urge to take it out and examine it more closely.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe this wasn't the wall. With a heavy sigh he turned and looked back. That was nothing to do; he'd have to walk the length of it to find the door. He started around the room, keeping the wall at his right side. As he walked he looked for new items that might be familiar; something that could tell him that he'd messed up. But as he finished walking the length of the first right wall, things were beginning to look stranger and older than they had in the section he'd been in. The locket in his pocket seemed to be growing heavier; the call of the foreign objects seemed to be trying to be luring him in. He was finding his attention drawn to things that never would have caught his attention before: broken quills, tattered books, loose pages of old notebooks.

Severus hurried his steps, he was not going to touch anything, he just wanted out of here. His hand subconsciously slipped into his pocket and closed around the locket. He walked faster, now pulling the locket from his pocket. His eyes trained on the wall ahead of him as he began to slide the chain over his fingers. The metal seemed to be growing hotter in hands despite the very cool temperatures inside the cavernous room.

Finally, he had made the circuit of the room. He was back where he was started. And the wall was still stubbornly blank. Severus closed his fist around the locket. He could feel the jewels pressing into his palm. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to smash the damn thing against the wall. He pressed the fist holding the locket against the wall, his temper finally breaking. His fist smashed against the wall again and again as though he could take his frustration out on the wall. His hand smashed against the wall and he felt an explosion of pain in his hand as his knuckles shattered against the stones. The locket dropped to the ground as his busted knuckles seized and a string of curses fell from Severus' lips.

To his utter shock there was a rumble and the stones began to shift as a door slowly materialized. Not wanted to take any chances, he lunged forward, snatched the locket, and heaved open the door.

Severus stumbled into the corridor. He shoved the locket back into his pocket and fumbled for his wand. Gritting his teeth against the pain of his split knuckles, Severus hissed a spell and bit back another string of curses as the bones in his fingers weakly tried to mend. He could bend his fingers but he hadn't done the spell properly and he was still in a decent amount of pain.

Keeping his wand in his hand, he hurried to the stairs and rand down the flight, through the corridors until he was at the door of the castle. He stopped in front of the door and could feel _something_. Pausing, Severus slowly looked back over his shoulder. He was only momentarily surprised to see Dumbledore at the top of the staircase. He was looking down his long crooked nose at Severus; his blue eyes narrowed behind the half-moon spectacles.

Severus hesitated for a moment, waiting to be called back, but when Dumbledore made no sign of movement, Severus grabbed the handle and hurried into the night.

Spinner's End was dark when Severus apparated onto his doorstep. He wanted to appear just inside the house, but he didn't want to startle Lily. Beyond the pain in his hand, he felt the agony of guilt creeping inside his chest. He'd been gone from Lily for over twenty-four hours.

Reaching out with the uninjured hand, he twisted the knob and staggered inside.

Almost immediately, a lamp flickered on. Lily was sitting in a chair, her arms folded tightly over her swollen chest; her green eyes danced in the light. She raised herself up from the chair and stormed over to him. "Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how sick I've been with worry? I haven't been able to think straight! I haven't been able to eat. And that's all I do anymore!"

"Lily, I—" he reached for her with his good arm.

Lily used both hands to shove against his chest. "Don't touch me," she snapped.

Severus hadn't been expecting her to shove him. He stumbled back, reaching back to catch himself as he felt his feet catch on the carpet. His injured hand jammed against the wall and he let out a string of curses.

Lily seemed to struggle with her anger but her concern won out. She stepped forward awkwardly, trying to reach for him and pretending not to see him flinch away from her. "What's wrong with your wrist?" she asked softly.

Severus clenched his teeth and shook his head. "Nothing. I just need to get a drink," he sighed, trying to step away from her.

"Damn it, don't lie to me," she snapped, reaching for his arm.

Severus flinched again but resisted the urge to yank his arm away from her.

She was gentle but quick in her examination. "Your knuckles are broken!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, I realize," he groaned, trying not to wince as her cold hand tenderly probed his.

"What happened?" Lily snapped, jerking her head upward to glare into his face.

Severus closed his eyes and gently shook his head. "Can you fix it?"

"Did you already try?" she asked.

Severus nodded, and glanced at his hand. "It's a spell I still struggle with."

"Obviously," Lily answered. She retrieved her wand and waved it over his hand.

Severus bit fiercely into his lip as the bones burned and fused back together. When the pain subsided, he waited a few minutes and slowly stretched and tested the stiff tendons. Still painful, but it would loosen eventually. "Thank you," he said softly.

"Now, where were you?"

"Lily, it's not important. I'm home now," Severus moaned, shaking his head.

Lily glared at him and rose quickly to her feet. "You can't do this!"

Severus closes his eyes and leaned back against the cushion of the chair. "I'm not doing anything, I just want to sleep."

For the first time since the spot on his arm had burned he was able to think clearly. After leaving Hogwarts, he'd went to the Dark Lord and turned over the locket. He was simply told "well done" and excused. He knew better than to ask about the significance of the locket or than to tell of his experience of retrieving the locket.

After all he went through, Severus wasn't sure if the Dark Lord had truly intended for him to fetch the locket and return, or if he was supposed to remained trapped in that wretched room.

And he certainly didn't want to discuss that with Lily right now.

"Well, I suppose you should have thought about that before you stayed gone. You apparently weren't tired then," Lily answered. She seemed to be looking for a fight and he really couldn't blame her. He'd been gone for too long without giving her any indication that he was all right; he deserved this.

Severus stood up and walked to the window. He had to keep his temper in check. He wasn't used to restraining his temper; he so very rarely had the occasion to do it at all. But he couldn't lash out senselessly at Lily. She wasn't the kind to forgive outbursts. But he wasn't about to reveal his secrets.

"Lily, what is it you want?" he asked. He'd been terrified of this question so he'd never asked. It was easier to assume he knew what she wanted. It was safer to think they wanted the same thing.

She stopped; narrowing her green eyes at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, exactly what I asked." He was surprised at how level he was able to keep his voice. As she'd been living with him, he felt like their relationship had grown and expanded in the positive ways. The question didn't seem to have the possibility to have the terrifying outcomes it had had before. He _needed_ to know the answer. Answer what he'd gone through tonight it felt important to hear her say it.

Lily looked as surprised by his question as he was. "I want to know where you were."

"Not what I meant, Lily."

With her brow furrowed, she stepped away from him, moving back until her legs bumped the chair and she carefully lowered herself onto the seat. "You know what I want."

"No, no I don't, Lily," he answered softly. "I have my guesses. I have my hopes. But what do you really want?"

Lily looked troubled as she glanced around the room. "I want for everything to be okay."

She was giving him bullshit answers and he could feel his irritation rising. "That is a normal want," he replied. "Still not specific to what _you_ want."

Lily glared at him. "What do you want me to say?"

"Answer the question," he said softly. "I just want you to answer."

Her defiance, something he both loved and despised about her, was flaring again. "So I'm expected to answer your questions, but you do not have to answer mine?"

"My question involves only us. Your questions involve things I cannot speak of."

"I hate that you keep secrets."

"I hate that you will not answer my question. I have told you several times I _cannot_ answer yours, but you won't answer mine."

"I want you to be honest with me."

Severus rolled his eyes. "You're twisting this." He turned to her sharply and stepped closer than he truly felt comfortable to in his anger. "You know what I want you to answer. Why can't you?"

"I've tried, repeatedly," she hissed. "I've said I want to be happy. That I want your honesty. I want everything to be okay."

He closed his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have started this. He was starting to get an anxious now. He felt like he couldn't finish the conversation. But he was past a point of returning, even if the answer hurt, he had to go on.

He suddenly realized what he'd been wanting to hear. He wanted her to tell him that she wanted him. She wanted their life together.

Hadn't she said just that? Hadn't she said she wanted everything to be okay?

Severus wanted to shut his mind down. If she wanted everything to be okay, she was obviously referring to him and the babies.

But he didn't want to put the pieces together himself. He wanted her to do that for him.

Lily spun around to face him. She stood inches from him; he could smell the amazing sent of flower wafting off of her. She grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him to her. She kissed him, twisting her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her still. His body pressed against hers, he could feel the push of her stomach—of their children—against his abdomen.

Reflexively, his arms moved to her waist, but he didn't give into the kiss like he normally did.

Lily pulled back. "I want this, Severus," she said softly, taking his hands from her waist and moving them forward onto her belly. "I want all of us. Together. And safe."

Was that enough of an answer for him? He closes his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. There was that bite in her words. She wanted something he wasn't giving her. How safe was he when he came home with a broken hand? How safe was he when he was terrified they would find out about her?

"Lily. I'm doing the best I know how," he said softly. The words hurt to say as they stabbed him with the truth. He didn't know how to be a good father, or boyfriend. Hell, he wasn't sure if he knew how to be a good man.

He'd grown up with Tobias and to his father he'd been a punching bag. Then around school, well, the company he kept was an ambitious lot. He had no doubt he could provide for Lily. He had the skills to take them far. But she kept throwing that word—safe—into the conversation. Would he ever be able to provide that for her?

Lily reached up and gently touched his face. "When will you be ready to be honest with me?" she asked softly.

"I haven't lied to you."

Something that wanted to be a smile but fell short tugged at her lips. "Just because you haven't outright lied, doesn't mean you've been honest," she said.

Severus closed his eyes and slowly nodded. He was breaking. If he wanted her to want him, he had to give her what she wanted. "I don't know how much I can tell you. But I can try."

She rose up on her toes and gently pressed her lips to his. "You don't need to be afraid of me, Sev."

Maybe she meant it as a joke, but it was with heart-stopping certainty that he realized he was terrified of her. He was terrified of how his life would fall apart if she ever left him.

Lily took his arm and led him over to the couch. She sat down and curled her legs beneath her, her green eyes turned up expectantly to him.

Severus sat down and turned to her. He wanted to put her mind at ease but he didn't know what to say.

She reached for his hand, his left hand. Her small fingers pushed up his sleeve and he instinctively jerked as her fingers nearly brushed the mark. Lily watched his hand fall into his lap and she raised her eyes to meet his. "What is it?"

He felt a sickening turn in his stomach. Whomever had said the truth was easier was an idiot. He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked up into her eyes. "It's his way of finding me," he said softly, his voice almost failing him and she'd only asked one question.

Lily timidly reached for his arm again, her eyes constantly searching his face, as though she were seeking permission. With a deep breath to keep his own nerves calm, he slowly moved his arm into her range. Lily took his wrist again and pushed up his sleeve, being much more careful of her fingers. When she had the material past the brand, she leaned closer and revulsion turned her beautiful features.

"Did he burn it into you?"

Severus looked away from her. "In a sense." He was barely opening his mouth to say the words but she heard him. And he knew her next question before she could ask.

"Can you get rid of it?"

"The only time it will no longer work is if one of us is dead."

Lily's hands flew to her mouth, then she moved them to her eyes and took several deep breaths before she spoke again. "Does it have any other powers?"

"It summons. And marks us as his."

She couldn't repress a shudder. "And what does that mean?"

He couldn't take the way she was looking at him. The revulsion hadn't quite left her face and he wanted to leave room—leave the house—anything to get away from her expression. But she wanted honesty. He had to give it to her.

"It means I do what I'm told."

Lily's features were drawn tight. "And what does he tell you to do?" Her eyes were searching his face as though she were looking for something.

"I make potions."

"Then what?"

"I don't know what happens to them once I hand them over. I fetch things. I'm not to draw attention to myself."

"What would happen if you did? Of if you stopped following orders?" She was blinking rapidly and not looking at him. He knew she knew the answer already.

"I would be killed."

Silence fell over them like thick, heavy, wet, suffocating wool. Severus watched her from the corner of his eyes and she stared ahead, absently rubbing her stomach.

"What does this mean, Severus?"

"What does what mean?"

"All of this. Everything you've just told me. What does it mean for us? Are you telling me that basically if you piss him off you could be killed at a moment's notice?"

"Isn't that most of the wizarding world?" He'd never been one for sardonic remarks and not wasn't the time for them but he didn't know what else to do.

"Why, Severus?" She sounded near tears.

He knew what she meant finally. "I needed something," he said, his voice nearly breaking as he saw a tear fall from the corner of her eye. "I'd lost you. I had nothing else. School was almost over. I'd been tortured—don't act as though it's true, you know Potter was one of the worst—and I saw nothing in my future."

He was treading on dangerous ground now. He had no idea what she thought of him and he was mentioning Potter, something he'd sworn he'd never do because he was afraid of the effect it would have on her. Well, he was pushing his luck enough tonight. He might as well run with it. She was either going to stay or leave him for who he really was.

"So you turned to them?"

"I turned to a place I thought I would fit in," he said.

Lily stood up, raking her fingers through the wild red locks on her head. "Are you even allowed to have a life outside of him?"

Severus stood up and reached for her. "Others have families. Others even have children. They are not of any interest to him. They're useless to him. He is interest in what will give him power."

Lily closed her eyes and stepped away from him, shaking her head as tear filled her eyes. "I can't deal with this, Severus."

And there it was. The dam of emotion he'd been struggling to hold onto suddenly broke. His face crumpled. It felt as though an invisible weight had slammed into his chest. He would have rather broken his hand a dozen more time than to be in this moment right now. "Lily, please."

But she was moving away from him. "I can't, Severus, I just can't."

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	42. Chapter 42

Doomsday2012, Professor Radar, bbu22, and Sharecrow, I'm so glad to hear from you, it's like a phone call from an old friend. Glad you're still with me after ALL this time! The DarkCorner, Missyick, Mrs. Potter, you're newer but just as important, and I'm so glad you've joined my crazy little world. Saint Snape, your play by play of chapters made my Saturday! Grapes, I always look forward to hearing from you! Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. I love the guidance offered to the characters. Hopefully one of these two hardheaded individuals will listen to some kind or reason…or maybe not…

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Emotions he didn't know were possible began to battle in Severus' head. His heart felt like it was beginning to crumble in his chest as he watched Lily's back retreating up the stairs. Then he felt the anger swelling; white hot vicious anger that was clouding his thoughts and his mind.

"Lily!" he called. She didn't acknowledge him and the anger only got worse. "Lily, damn it stop!"

His tone was harsh and she jerked around to face him. "What?"

It was as though he'd used all of his common sense trying to discuss the situation with her. She'd wanted the truth and when he gave her what she wanted and she just used it against him. She was turning her back on him.

"You can't just walk away."

"Do you expect me to just stay? To put my life in danger? To put the twins?"

"I expect you to stand by me," he snarled. "Do you understand that there is _nothing _you could do that would make me turn my back on you?"

"I haven't almost gotten you killed," Lily spat.

"When has your life been in danger?" His was barely moving his lips; he could feel his fist shaking with the effort to control himself. "When I was in the woods? When I went on a mission? When I was making potions and diagnosing things that if I got the potion wrong I would be killed? Please enlighten me, Lily. When have I put your life in danger? When Potter attacked my house and tried to destroy it? Because I didn't do everything possible to protect you that night, right? I haven't tried desperately to protected you have I?"

Lily's face was turning a dark red to rival her hair as her green eyes narrowed to slits. "And do you think for a moment that any of those times I didn't feel like a part of me was dying? Do you think that part of me wasn't shattered? All I could do was sit like I was impotent and wait for news. News that you'd been injured or killed. All the while a voice in my head taunted that if they did kill you I'd never know!"

Severus threw his hands up in disgust. "Why don't you just admit that I'm never going to be enough for you?"

Lily crossed her arms. "You won't," she growled.

Despite his anger, Severus felt like she'd elbowed him in the gut, he started to retort but she cut him off.

"You can't be because I'll never have all of you. You're always going to be dedicated to something other than me, other than our family. No matter how much I love you, no matter how much I try, _nothing_ is going to change that you have that mark on you."

"It doesn't define me!" His voice was rising to a tone he rarely ever used with her.

"Oh it doesn't? So that means that when I go into labor that you'll be right by my side the entire time? That even if it starts to burn you're not going to leave me?" She was still on the stairs; the height difference between them compensated by a couple of steps.

"It's a _job_, Lily—"

Her shriek of laughter cut him off. "A job?! A job? Are you that stupid, Severus? Are you really that ignorant? It's control over your entire life. You're never going to be able to fight him! Ever! He'll kill you if you try!"

"So what exactly do you want me to do, Lily?" he barked. "Do you want me to turn in my resignation? Do you want me to tell him that I'm finished? He'll probably kill me himself. Then you can't threaten to destroy me every time you get mad at me!"

"What?" she snapped, leaning back against the wall.

"Every time we hit a problem, you want to run. It's the most damage you can do to me; like ripping my heart out of my chest every time you threaten to walk out that door. You can't just separate yourself from me now. Those are my children too and I have every right to be in their lives!"

"If you think that you're going to put my children in danger—"

"MY children!" he snapped. "They are my children too, Lily! How are you going to protect them? You're a single witch on your own. Don't you think I've considered the benefits of staying with them? I will know what they're planning. My children won't be targeted."

"But you're in an organization that will do all of that to someone else's child!"

"I can't protect children across the world! But I can protect my own! He's getting too powerful, Lily! He's going to destroy those who fight against him!" Severus stared at her in exasperation. "You still haven't said _what do you want me to do_? Are you really going to walk away from everything that we are?"

Lily shook her head and raked her hands through her hair. "I can't stay, Severus."

He opened his mouth and felt the searing pain shoot up his arm. That familiar pain; that horrible pain that he could not ignore. He grabbed his forearm and turned his head toward her. "Lily, please, I have to go. Can we please just talk about this when I get back?"

Lily looked disgusted and furious. She said nothing as she turned and stormed up the stairs.

With a sickening feeling in his stomach, Severus succumbed to the darkness and was pulled through time and space.

* * *

Lily wiped furiously at her eyes. She couldn't believe she was crying. She couldn't believe she was fighting with this many emotions. She didn't feel like she could handle all of the sensations battling inside of her.

Her stomach gave a mighty heave and she leaned against the wall trying to pull herself together.

He was gone again to do who knew what and she was stuck alone again waiting with her stomach typing itself in knots until he came back.

She didn't want to leave.

She didn't want to be without him. But she was starting to think staying with him was going to tear her apart.

Lily reached down and traced her hand across her stomach. If she were to leave him then what would that mean for her poor children? Could she do that to them?

She pushed off of the wall and was starting for the bedroom when the chime of the doorbell echoed across the house.

Momentarily confused, Lily started back down the stairs. She hesitated in front of the door, suddenly wishing that there was a window. _It's just neighborhood children_, she told herself as she reached for the handle.

"Oh, hello!" she said, surprised to see Bellatrix standing at the door. Lily was suddenly self-conscious about her surely puffy eyes as she faced the beautiful witch.

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd say hello," she said, softly.

"Come in," Lily answered, stepping back and letting her into the house. She sniffed quickly hoping Bellatrix wouldn't notice.

"Is everything all right, Lily?"

Lily forced herself to attempt a smile as she nodded. "Would you like something to drink?"

"That sounds great," Bellatrix nodded, following Lily to the kitchen.

Lily started to pull the kettle out of the cabinet and glasses.

"Why don't you let me do that?" Bellatrix asked, gently taking them from her hands. "Why don't you sit down and tell me what's wrong?"

Lily sniffed again and sat down at the kitchen table. "I got into an argument with Severus."

There was a clang as Bellatrix set the kettle onto the counter. "Really? About what?"

"I think we want the same things, but we don't want them the same way," she said, looking at the dark hair of the woman at the sink. She didn't know Bellatrix well but the woman had a way of showing up when Lily was feeling particularly weak or vulnerable and right now, she was just enjoying the company of someone she didn't want to throw a plate at. "Is it even possible to make something like that work?"

"Well, if you have the same goals, why does it matter if you get to them in different ways? Isn't it about the end result anyway?" Bellatrix brought the tea to the table.

"But what if the methods are wrong?"

"Is there really a right and a wrong when it comes to getting what you want?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. This wasn't where she'd expected the conversation to go. "There should be."

"If you are always worried about the happiness of others, you will never be happy yourself," Bellatrix answered. She looked at Lily's cup. "Drink up. You look like you need it."

Lily spun the cup in her hands, then lifted it to her lips and took a drink. The tea was sweet with vanilla and something else she couldn't put her finger on. She smiled wearily at Bellatrix. "This is good, thank you."

"My special recipe just for you," Bellatrix purred, leaning back on the counter, watching Lily.

Lily titled her head and raised her eyebrow. Her fingers weakened, she couldn't hold onto the cup. It tumbled from her grip onto the floor. Her eyes struggled to focus on the cup as it shattered on the ground. The last thing she heard was Bellatrix's anxious cry of "Lily!" Then the world went black.

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	43. Chapter 43

Saint Snape, Just Katy, Sharecrow, Shadowmoon8844, Mrs. Potter, Grapes, Nerherder93, and trapezefixe thank you so much for your comments! I think you all should know that I enjoy your comments more than you enjoy reading this. I love that I can share this little world with you and get your reactions because you all are awesome.

And, just as a matter of interest, I have a German reader who is going to translate the story into German and post it on a German fanfiction site! I'm so excited for this project!

I hope you all like this chapter. I was feeling a bit (but not too much, he he) guilty for the cliff hanger, so I cut this chapter a bit short to get it posted sooner. On the up side, the next chapter is partially finished.

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Severus stumbled as he apparated on the front stoop. His stomach felt a little sick after what he'd just done. He raked his hands down the sides of his shirt. He'd already used _scurgify_ to clean his hand and his clothes but that didn't change the fact that he still wanted a shower. He leaned against the door and closed his eyes. He didn't want to argue with Lily any more, he just wanted to stand with her under the steaming spray of water. It wasn't going to be a happy welcome home. She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. He didn't feel that he deserved to be the target of this much rage. Granted he deserved some of it but she could still back off just a little.

He sucked in a deep breath. Standing out here wasn't going to accomplish a damn thing. After all, she was a pregnant, little red-head; what was the worst she could do?

Severus smirked at himself. He sucked at pep talks and he truly was an idiot if he believed that for even a second.

He twisted the door handle and stepped into the dark living room. His skin immediately tingled. Something wasn't right.

"Lily?" he called softly. His reach for his wand, closing his fingers tightly around it as he moved into the living room. Without looking behind him, he whispered a spell to shut and lock the door.

Severus paused, trying to decide what was making his skin crawl.

In the dim light from the windows the sitting room looked normal; he didn't notice anything out of place. What was it that was putting him on edge?

Was it that Lily wasn't responding? Wasn't she just angry? Of course she'd still ignore him, but this felt different, even more intimidating than Lily's temper.

Severus moved deeper into the house. His movements were slow, even deliberate. He was listening for _something_.

He paused in the hallway. He had a partially unobstructed view into the kitchen and up the stairs. There was danger in the house. That he was sure of. Something was off. Was it upstairs? Was the threat in the kitchen? Had Lily gone downstairs and knocked over something? There were several potions down there that wouldn't take much to cause a horrible reaction.

Severus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to do something he rarely did which was to trust his instincts. His feet moved toward the stairs.

He went slowly up the stairs; the will to call out for Lily was suddenly stuck in his throat. He didn't think he would even if he could force himself to make the sound.

Most people would have wanted more lights but Severus was finding some comfort in the dark. It felt like his only advantage at the moment. He'd always been able to slink around the shadows.

He reached the top of the stairs and felt his heart lodge in his throat.

The bedroom door was open and Lily lay upon the bed.

There was something horrible unnatural in the way her inert body was positioned. She was on her back, her head upon the pillows with her hair fanned out. Her arms were at her sides, parallel to her body, her legs perfectly together.

"Lily," he called.

She didn't move.

Severus flicked his wand and his heart dropped as the light washed over Lily. In the lamp light she was paler than normal. Even her lips seemed to be devoid of their usual color.

"Lily," he said, his voice was coming out in a choke. He rushed over to the bed and grabbed her hand. She was cold.

Then he noticed she wasn't breathing.

His mind immediately blanked. He wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her. He wanted to use a spell to revive her but she hadn't been stunned.

He didn't care. He tried what he knew.

Nothing happened.

His breath was coming out in short ragged gasps. How long had she been like this? How did she get like this? She hadn't climbed into bed like this herself. Not unless she…He shook his head violently. Who was responsible?

Severus was in the process of trying to gather her into his arms when he heard the unmistakable sound of someone apparting downstairs.

"Oh Severus," the taunting voice trilled.

He felt his blood run as cold as Lily's skin. Bellatrix. What the hell could she want now? He pushed his arm beneath Lily's back and under her knees, preparing to appartate with her to St. Mungos when the wretched voice called up the stairs.

"I wouldn't take her anywhere if I were you. After all, I have the antidote in my hand right now."

He jerked into an upright position and his fingers curled into fists. What had she done?

Before he had time to process what he was doing, Severus was storming down the stairs, flicking his wand to send lamps into a full glow so the witch couldn't hide from him.

But he should have known. Hiding wasn't Bellatrix's style. She was waiting for him in the middle of the sitting room, a wicked smile stretched across her beautiful but horrible face.

"What the hell have you done?" he barked.

His rage only seemed to encourage her. He didn't think it was possible but her grin on her face grew as she tossed her head back and laughed.

In a swift movement he'd crossed the length of the room and shoved her against the wall; his forearm was pressed into her throat his wand inches from her face. "What did you do?"

Bellatrix's dark eyes danced with malice. "I was just having some fun with your toy."

"I want the antidote," he snarled.

"You mean the little potions master can't figure it out?" she smiled.

Severus leaned into his forearm, not noticing her nails digging into his skin, but enjoying the flush that was beginning to form on her cheeks. "Why?"

She narrowed her eyes and met his. "Are you going to kill me, Sevy?" Her words were broken and strained, but she still looked gleeful.

Disgusted, Severus gave a sharp thrust with his arm but stepped away from her. "You will heal her."

Bellatrix gave a small cough and raked at her throat as though his arm was still there and she was still trying to free herself. "I haven't _hurt_ her."

"Then what the hell have you done?"

"I told you, I was just playing with your toy."

It would be so simple to raise his wand into her mocking face and say the spell. She was so amused with her game that she wouldn't even think to defend herself be she didn't think he could kill her. But as anger had seemed to replace every drop of blood in his body he was sure he could end her mocking smile forever.

With an almost lazy wave, she made the small bottle appear floating between then. Severus knew better than to lung for it; she would love nothing more than to see him sprawled upon the ground after she made it vanish again. "What do I get for it?"

He closed his eye for a second, pulling his thoughts together then trying to lock them firmly away. "What do you want?"

Bellatrix's chuckled filled the room and sent a chill down his spine.

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	44. Chapter 44

Bbu22, Saint Snape, trapezefixe, echopatronus3, Mrs. Potter, Sharecrow, and Renow, thank you so much for your comments. I don't completely mean to leave you haning, I like to invite you back for more! A bit more happens in this chapter than the previous and hopefully, it leaves you a bit more satisfied! (And two updates in a week! Yay me!)

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Severus curled his lip in a sneer and stepped away from her, shaking his head.

"Don't you realize what she's done to you?" Bellatrix asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Lily is none of your concern," he snarled. He was doing everything in his power to keep his temper in check. His speech was slow and intentional because he knew the moment he lost control would be the moment she would take to destroy Lily.

"She's every bit of my concern, Severus," Bellatrix snapped. "Until that simpering little twit walked into the picture you were poised for greatness."

"So I'm not now? That could work out even better for you, you can continue to be the Dark Lord's lap _bitch_," he answered.

"You have no idea how bad my bite can be Severus." She sent a pointed glance up the stairs, then raised her eyebrows as she turned back to him. "You have talent. Maybe the better term is that you _had_ talent. Your mixing with the Mudblood has tainted everything about you."

Severus sat down on the arm of the couch breathing in slowly through his nose then almost imperceptibly opening his mouth to exhale. The motion was his focal point and all that was holding a raging fire of hatred and fury back at the moment. "I still do not understand how this affects you."

"You claim that she is nothing more than your _pet_ but you seem to be terribly distraught at the idea of a threat to her. Well, you were becoming something like a pet to me. But then your disgusting habits are showing you're nothing more than a mutt yourself."

Severus closed his eyes trying to still his shaking hands. "Will you please get to the damn point, Bellatrix? What the fuck do you want from me?" Maybe not his best result of calming himself, but he hadn't killed her yet and he felt that was an accomplishment.

"I want nothing from you, you disgusting blood traitor." Her red lips curled into what could only be describe as a smile. "My interest is in the fetuses."

Severus's blood ran cold. The babies? But she didn't even call them children, she called them fetuses. As if they weren't even children yet. As if they were only things. He was noticeably shaking now and his desire to control it had vanished. "You won't touch them."

Bellatrix help up the bottle and have it the slightest of a shake. "Won't I?"

He moved jerkily and her grin stretched even wider as she stepped quickly back. "If anything happens to this, she will die. Do not test me, Severus."

He wanted to rip her apart. He wanted to blast her into a thousand tiny pieces then burn the entire damn house to the ground so no one could ever hope to put her back together. "What do you want with them?"

"There have been rumors of a child who may possess great power—"

"How do you know it is one of the twins?"

"I have my reasons," she snapped.

"Who knows?" It was actually impressive that she heard him at all. He couldn't seem to make his mouth open wide enough to properly form the words.

"What do you want of your future, dear Severus?" The scorn in her voice dripped from every word. "Do you want to live in this muggle hovel for the rest of your days? Raising two children that may not even be yours?"

His heart seized violently in his chest as he jerked his eyes up to meet the empty black pools of her own.

Bellatrix laughed in delight. "Why surely you know your little slut was sleeping with Potter and you." She took in his expression and cackled even more loudly. "You didn't? Oh, Severus. Did you really think she would turn from money and power? To what? Live here? What's the point?"

Lily hadn't—she had told him that they were—she hadn't been…No. He couldn't do this now. This was what Bellatrix wanted. She wanted to throw him off. She wanted to break him however she could.

"Did you think she loved you?" Bellatrix laughed. "When did she come back to you? Once Potter was gone, you sniveling fool! She is here because she has nothing else! Her only other option would be to return to her muggle parents!"

His fingers itched for her throat. He wanted desperately to shut her up. "So, the Dark Lord wants the infants. And I take it you will be the one to raise them?"

"The Dark Lord is not yet aware of their existence. He has other issues at hand and until I am sure—"

"You're going to keep her in a suspended sleep?" Fuck, his voice was shaking. He was losing control, but there was too much at stake now.

"Always worried about the Mudblood. She's a distraction that is making you weak," Bellatrix snapped.

"I'm not weak."

"You're pathetic. You snivel and break down because your whore lied to you. Your feelings for her will destroy you. You should be glad she's out of your way right now. You should take advantage and do something with your life." Bellatrix came closer to her, staring into his dark eyes, searching. "You could have been great." Her hand snapped across his face. His eyes stung form the force so close to his eyes.

Instinctively, he reacted. His arms shot forward and he shoved her away from him with all his might. Bellatrix stumbled back, but her eyes were alight with the challenge.

"Such a coward, Severus. You won't even pull your wand?"

The tenuous grip he'd held on his temper shattered. With a cry he ripped his wand from his pocket and slashed it through the air.

Bellatrix was elate as she danced away from the spell, she fired her own and is as absorbed by his shield charm.

He wasn't thinking; his mind went onto autopilot.

Cast a spell, deflect her, dodge, move, spell, deflect.

Books leapt from the shelves, pages separating and burning. Vases and lamps exploded in a shower of sparks and glass. He had no idea what he was trying to do, each spell was edging him closer to her. He just wanted to shut her up; he wanted that laughter to end.

Bellatrix cackled and taunted. More words he didn't want to hear filled the small room. But she was too distracted by her jeering; she didn't realize how close he was. She dodged the wrong way and he reached out and locked his hand around her throat.

She was immensely talented. Mostly insane, but she had skilled beyond anything he'd ever seen. She, however, had underestimated his strength. He reached down with his own wand hand and snatched hers out of her hand. Without removing his eyes from hers, he flung both wands behind him. They were far too much temptation near him at his moment.

"Kill me, if you're not too much of a coward," she hissed.

Without a doubt she was psychotic, but unfortunately she was intelligent, and she realized his trigger word.

His lips pulled away from his teeth in something like a growl as he squeezed the fingers around her throat. He felt the satisfying give of her soft flesh beneath his fingers, the soft croak as she tried to speak.

Suddenly, she gave a violent twist and he felt her sliding from his grasp. His fury raced to the surface and there was a tangle of limbs as they each fought for control. Her hand dragged across his face, the nails no doubt leaving blood. He grabbed wildly at her wrist and shoved with all his might, pinning her against the wall with his body. One hand locked around her throat again the other locked around both of her wrists which he held above her head.

It may have been stupid to have thrown their wands, but if he hadn't, he surely would have killed her by now and the Dark Lord would not be happy that she was dead.

Sneering, he pulled the hand around her throat back and then for good measure shoved gave her head a none too gentle shove into the wall, but he did not loosen his grip. He leaned forward, pressing his weight against her just so she didn't have any illusions who was in control at this moment.

"You see, dear Bellatrix," he snarled, his hot breath searing across his cheek. He was keeping his voice low and soft for effect. "I don't need my wand. I have you at my mercy right now." He tightened his fingers and could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she struggled for air.

"Then do something," she snapped. Her voice equally low, her eyes burning. She pushed her body against his but wasn't strong enough. "Don't be just a fucking coward and actually _do something_."

Her eyes were boring holes into his. He could feel his hatred pouring off of him in waves. Could he do it? Could he kill her? Was that what he wanted?

Her lips curled into that smirk. And the next thing he knew, her lips were upon his.

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Thoughts or reactions? I'd love to know what you're thinking right now. Please leave a comment!


	45. Chapter 45

Bbu22, Saint Snape, Sharecrow, Mrs. Potter, JustKaty, Guest, and Renow13 thank you a million times over for your kind works and inspiration! I really do love getting your actions and it drives me to updating more quickly and makes me feel guilty for not being more prompt!

I feel this chapter may be rough for some, but stick with me! I don't think I've completely let you down yet and I don't plan on it now…

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This hadn't been what he wanted. Nor what he'd expected

Bellatrix was small and lithe. She arched her body against his, no longer in a way of protest but in something much more animalistic.

Severus tried to clear his mind, trying to force understanding. This situation was not logical. Bellatrix defied logic in every way.

Clarity did not come; in the pitiful seconds he had strained for clarity, his traitorous body had despicably responded to the press of her greedy lips, to the force in which she was pressing her body against his.

Suddenly, his mind began to function again. He returned the kiss. He removed his arm that had been threatening her air supply. He slid his hand around her throat, pulling her head back so he could kiss her more deeply. He pressed his body against hers. He trailed his lips across her cheek and then down her neck.

Bellatrix turned to the side, a rush of air slid from her throat. He pulled her lips back to his mouth, relishing in the way he could make her body push in to his. He was almost smirking at the flexing of her wrists as she fought to get free, but he held tightly. His moving his free hand from behind her neck, down her cheek, his fingers skimmed her collar bones. His pulled his lips from hers, but not moving away, waiting for her reaction. As his fingers explored the exposed skin, a breath of air hissed past her teeth.

He allowed his hand to move down her body, delighting in the soft—almost imperceptible—sounds she could not restrain. He grabbed a handful of her skirt and yanked her against him. She was small enough and his grip was so tight that he actually lifted her off the ground and he could hear the strain of the threads of the fabric.

He let go of her hands, dropping his other to her waist, grabbing the fabric and molding her against him. Her hand dropped to his hair, knotting themselves in the black locks before raking down his back then up again as they slid beneath his shirt.

With both hands on her waist, he lifted her against the wall, her legs almost instinctively wrapping around him to help support herself. He looked down, watching his hand push up the fabric over the snowy skin of her legs. He raked his hands down her white leg, then back up again as she jerked his head back to hers.

Her hands went back to his shirt, to the hem of the fabric and she began to pull it up. Suddenly, he broke his hold on her; her unsteady legs caught her as he scrambled away from her.

In a quick motion he grabbed the wands from the floor and turned to her.

Bellatrix was glaring at him, her chest heaving quickly, straining against the fabric of the black corset of her dress. "What now, Severus?"

With a flick of his wrist, he revealed the tiny vial and raised his eyebrows at her.

Bellatrix's hands snapped to the pockets of her skirt, but she knew it was too late. "Little Snapey has tricks," she scoffed. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Never underestimate me, Bellatrix," he snarled. "Now, leave."

Bellatrix cocked her head to the side, considering the order and implying her defiance.

"Come now, Bellatrix. Do you really want me to beat you twice in one day?"

"You've accomplished nothing today except to piss me off and prove that even in the most promising circumstances, you are a disappointment," she hissed.

Severus flung her wand at her feet as he raised his own. "I've spared your life today. You will not forget that."

The black pools of her eyes never left his as she stooped and picked up the wand. A sharp crack filled the room as she was gone.

Severus let out a long breath and raked his fingers through his hair, trying to wrap his mind around the events that had just occurred. His brain wouldn't process and he didn't have time to think about it. He mounted the stairs two at time and rushed into the bedroom. He sat next to Lily on the bed and slid his hand beneath the back of her head. He ripped the small cork out with his teeth and spit it across the room. He angled her head back and tipped the liquid into her mouth.

When there was nothing left, he waited. His breath seemed caught in his chest. May this was one of Bellatrix's horrible tricks. His stomach turned in a violent knot as he reached for her. What if he'd just poisoned Lily?

He couldn't let himself think like that but he couldn't stop as the seconds seemed to drag by without any change in her.

He pushed himself off the bed. He could feel the threat of tears as the weight of helplessness began to push down on his shoulders.

Then suddenly, there was a cough. He jerked around and saw Lily turn to her side as another spasm of coughs wracked her small frame. With a joyful cry, he rushed over to the bed.

"Lily," he breathed.

She pushed herself upright and looked at him. Her eyes were cloudy with confusion. "What happened, Sev?"

"Do you remember Bellatrix being here?"

Lily narrowed her eyes in concentration but shook her head. "No. I remember arguing, then everything goes black."

He took in a long deep breath. "Well, she was here. She's probably the reason you don't remember her being here. You need to be very careful around her, Lily. She's not what she seems."

Lily's eyes narrowed in the dim light and she pulled her hand away. "I really hate it when you tell me what to do, Severus."

He watched her swing her legs off the bed and stand on wobbly legs. He reached for her but she quickly stomped out of his reach. "I feel like I can't talk to anyone. Like I'm locked in this damn house all the time."

So much for waking up in a pleasant mood. "Lily, Bellatrix is dangerous—"

"Everything is dangerous according to you! You can't just make me sit here and expect for me to be all right!"

"Lily! If you had any idea of what I have to do to keep you safe!" he said, his voice a little louder than he was meaning for it to be.

"Tell me! Show me! Do something, Severus! Don't just stand there and talk at me!" she exclaimed.

Severus tilted his head to the side, looking curiously at her. "What did you say?"

His shook her head and pushed the red locks away from her face. "It doesn't matter, you don't listen to me anyway."

She turned and left the room.

Severus watched her go, unable to make his feet move. There was something about what she'd said that stopped him cold. _Do something, Severus_ echoed in his head as he stared at the empty bottle on the bed side table.

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I'd love to know what you think!


	46. Chapter 46

Renow13, Professor Radar (welcome back!), Bbu22, sharecrow, Saint Snape, and Just Katy thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment! I love writing for you! I love creating something that you can invest in and care about. I can't believe how long this story has gotten—especially considering I thought about ending it almost twenty chapters ago.

This was a fun chapter to write and I hope you enjoy it as well!

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Severus was irritated, annoyed, frustrated, flustered, and almost dumbfounded about his conversation with Lily. He started to follow her out of the room then stepped back. He paced the floor trying to figure out the best way to approach her.

Pregnancy must make women crazy. If he managed to survive this, they weren't having any more.

He froze mid pace and realized he needed to sit down. _They weren't having any more. _A strange strangled laugh escaped his lips. He'd never thought like that. He hadn't allowed himself. Maybe that's why the thought appeared because his guard was finally down. He pressed his balms to his eyes and tried to clear his mind but that wasn't what happened.

_The sun sparkles over the lake by the cottage; it no longer has the look of years of neglect, but it another level and a porch have been added. A gleaming door stands open and lets the afternoon sunlight streams into the room. Inside, creamy natural tones fill the space, making it feel welcoming and homey. He can smell the fresh scent of spring, the opening of new buds of flowers, the crispness of the stream fed lake. _

_A woman with dark red hair cascading down her back stands at the counter arranging chocolate chip cookies onto a platter. Severus moves closer and Lily turns, the white of her skirt swishing and her long thin legs. Her green eyes meet his and she breaks into a wide smile. She is older but still breath-takingly beautiful. _

"_I know you've had a sweet tooth," she smirks, holding up a cookie. "I thought I'd help out." _

_Unable to resist, he strides around the island and wraps one arm around her waist and slides one hand into her hair. He gently pulls her lips to his and kisses her deeply, trying to breathe in every drop of her that was looking at him so adoringly. _

_There is a soft shriek then the pounding of two sets of small feet. He breaks the kiss as he turns, but keeps his arm around Lily, just noticing out of the corner of his eye the glint of gold on her left hand. _

_The boy comes first, his black hair is almost to his shoulders and his lips are curled with laughter. In his hand he triumphantly holds a stuffed rabbit. He skids to a halt inches from Severus and the smile fades as bright green eyes darts to the rabbit in his hand. He quickly tries to cover us his misstep and turns his face into a large grin. "Hi, Dad!" _

"_Give it back!" _

_The boy had taken Severus by such surprise that he'd missed the girl's entrance. A mess of dark curls creates a beautiful frame around her porcelain face. Her brown eyes are flaming with an all too familiar irritation as she stomps to a stop a few feet from him. She meets Severus's gaze and sticks her hand out. "Daddy, make him give it back!" _

_He glances over his shoulder at Lily and sees that she is trying to hide her smile behind her hand. She sees his panicked expression and breaks into a laugh herself. "Oh no mister, I've dealt with this all day. Now, it's your turn." Her hand drops to her stomach pausing almost unnoticeably but it's such a familiar gesture that he's used to seeing—one she did while she was pregnant with the twins. _

_She notices him staring at her hand a quickly cleared her throat. He pulls his gaze up, unable to turn away just yet. He gives his head the slightest of jerks and raises his eyebrows. _

_She can't hide it, blood rushes to her cheeks as her smile breaks with pleasure and she nods. _

_Severus turns to his son and he reaches for the rabbit. "Oh no! Now I've got Mr. Hops!" he yells as he darts out other yard, quickly pursued by his children. _

Severus realized he was lying on his back in the bed. His eyes flung open and he stared at the dirty ceiling tiles.

What the hell had that been? An odd chill rippled down his arms and Severus hurled himself out of bed and hurried down the stairs. He didn't want to think about that vision, about the boy with the dark hair and Lily's eyes or the girl with Lily's hair and his eyes.

He hurried down the stairs seeking a distraction.

He found Lily in the kitchen, searching angrily through the cabinets as she looked for something. "Can I help you?" he asked softly.

She turned and glared at him. "No, I'm doing quite fine on my own."

He wanted to sigh. He wanted to snap back. And part of him wanted to ask what the hell her problem was. "Yes, you are. But I can still help."

Lily smacked her hands down on the counter and glared at him. "You're going to have to let me do things on my own!"

Severus pressed his fingers to his temples wondering what he could do about her. "That's fine, Lily. Have at it. What would you like to do?"

She stopped, confused as she glared at him. "What?"

He reminded himself to keep his voice low and even. He was exhausted and really just couldn't do this anymore. If she was going to make life at home hell he might as well start to cave. Bellatrix surely wouldn't try something so soon. "You feel trapped. You say it's my fault. So what do you want to do instead?"

Lily tilted her head upwards as though she were steeling herself for a battle. "I want to go to St. Mungos. I want to do some _good_ for people."

"I didn't know that everything had fallen in place for that," he answered.

Lily must have thought he was weakening; she leaned forward and even allowed herself to smile at him. "I'm sure it has, Sev. You know how hospitals are. They could always use extra help."

He hated the way she was looking at him as though she desperately wanted his approval. He didn't want their relationship to be about how much control he had over her. He just wanted her safe. She was capable. Yes she was a little naïve when it came to trusting people, but at least in a hospital people would be around her all the time. If she was "working" there then someone who would expect her and keep tabs on her. Maybe he'd been foolish to fight this. He pursed his lips together. If he were to suddenly agree with her, she would probably become suspicious for some hormone ridden crazy excuse. "You could be around a lot of dangerous wizards."

"Severus! How many people have you heard about getting attacked in St. Mungos?"

"I don't want you to be the first!" He shook his head and looked down at his hands. "Why do you want to do this?"

Lily bit her lip and came over to stand in front of him. She took his hands and placed them on her swollen abdomen. "Because I want to believe that I can bring them into a world that has hope. I want to be that hope for somebody."

He looked up and met her green eyes and his wretched mind transposed the older Lily over her face. "I'll at least go with you."

"Sev, please. I want to do this on my own. I'll tell you all about it when I come back."

It was with more than a little reluctance that he watched her change, brush her hair, then collect her wand and go. He was tempted to disillusion himself and follow after her but logic—he was surprised he had any of that left—won out and he dragged himself upstairs. He was utterly exhausted. Adrenaline was the only explanation for him to still be able to stand after the night he'd had, then dealing with Bellatrix, then finally trying to calm Lily.

He stripped out of his clothes, leaving them in a pile beside the bed and flopped onto the mattress.

_Lily smiles and calls, "Go get ready for bed!" as the children race to their room. _

_She walks over to him where he has fallen back on the couch, one arm draping over his eyes. _

_It's the tickle of her hair and the soft whiff of flowers that causes him to move his arm away from his eyes. Her face is only inches from his and she quickly closes the gap, pressing her mouth into his, meeting his tongue with hers. _

_The fire of desire blazes in his abdomen and shoots lower, a moan escapes his lips and he raises his hands to put around her waist. _

_Lily pulls back, but just a little, just enough to look into his eyes. He sighs softly and instead of pulling her down onto him like the burning fire is commanding him, he sides his hands forward then barely breathes, "Another?" _

_Her lips break into a smile, lighting up her face as she nods. _

_He can't help himself, his hands wrap tightly around her and he pulls her on top of him, pressing her into him, moaning as the delicious weight of her presses into him, fueling the fire of desire that is racing through his blood as he feels the sweet tightening of his muscles. _

_A sound outside snaps both of them out of the moment. Lily is standing first then he is. He looks at her quizzically then to the clock on the mantle. It's early evening, not too late for visitors. But who is calling? _

_He adjusts his shirt and rakes his fingers through his hair and leans over to give her a quick reassuring kiss. _

_In a few short strides he is at the door. He turns the knob and pulls it open. _

_He hears the harsh hiss of words, the blinding green light, and all is black. _

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You know you want to leave me a comment. Or at least I hope you do…I want to hear any reactions (even if they're bad)!


	47. Chapter 47

Renow13 – I hope you think it's still safe to read! Bbu22 – thank you for the compliments! Just wait until you read Lily in this chapter! Saint Snape – Snape is in for quite the trip… Just Katy – thank you, and hopefully this was quick enough. Eayala8 – I'm so glad you've joined the gang! Grapes – I am certainly one who can understand the wave of work that can suddenly pull you away and you don't need to apologize. Mrs. Potter – Thank you and I hope you like this one.

Everyone else, welcome back! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Lily was annoyed. She'd been on her feet for hours and all she was doing was sorting forms. With a huff she grabbed the next one, skimmed the writing and added it to another pile. This was insane. This was tedious. And this was a huge waste of time.

Lily glanced at the door. She stretched her leg out slowly and bumped it closed with her foot. Once she heard the satisfying click she retrieved her wand. "_Because many of these files are of a very sensitive nature, we don't use magic around them,"_ Lily mimicked the healer's voice. Arista had seemed like such a stickler for rules it wasn't surprising that St. Mungos didn't seem to have many volunteers. The job was far less filling that Lily had been expecting.

Irritated, she rubbed her hand over her stomach as she retrieved her wand. She gave the door another quick glance then gave her wand a flick.

She smushed together some words and gave her wand another wave then to her amazement, the papers flew into the air and began to neatly separate themselves into the different piles. A high pitched giggle escaped her lips as she watched the rapid process until the massive bin she'd been working her way though was empty and she was surrounded by stacks of papers.

Lily glanced at the door again and reached for the nearest pile. There was no possible way that spell had actually worked. She'd just made up something!

She pulled the stop for the stack toward her and started to read through the headings. Another laugh escaped her lips. The papers were correctly sorted! Lily reached for another and scanned, then another.

She couldn't believe it. The spell really had worked.

Standing up, she stretched her stiff back, grabbed each stack, stuck it in the appropriate drawer and looked around the room.

Surely Arista had expected her to be shut in here for at least a week. Well, this showed what the old witch knew.

Lily sat back down and kicked her feet up on a filing cabinet. She was partly wishing she hadn't finished the job so quickly because Arista would surely knew what she'd done, but she wasn't quite sure how to entertain herself now.

Lily gave her head a small shake. Was she a witch or wasn't she? If that had worked so well, what else could she do?

Lily entertained herself for quite some time charming papers into shapes and animals then flattening them back and sending them into drawers.

But now she was truly approaching boredom. At end of her she could say she was finished and just try to pass off that she was really efficient. But what could she do until them.

Lily spun her wand in her fingertips a leaned forward. Silver sparks erupted from the tip and she gave it another wave, trying to call forth a patronus.

Nothing happened.

Lily narrowed her eyes and leaned forward. This was odd. She'd been one of the only people in the Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts class to conjure a patronus. And she'd found it quite simple then.

What was different now?

Lily closed her eyes and pulled up happy memories.

Nothing happened.

She stamped her foot in impatience. This wasn't helping. If she couldn't channel happiness then the patronus certainly wasn't going to make an appearance. She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. She focused on the babies, the way her face turned into a ridiculous smile whenever she thought about them.

It was as though she could feel the power building. She gave the wand another flick and a real smile took over her face as she saw the wisp shoot through the ceiling and off to Spinner's End.

With a mischievous smirk, she turned to the door and cast another spell to keep the door locked. She sat on top the desk she'd been working at and ran her fingers through her hair trying to give it a little fluff as she waited.

In a few more minutes Severus appeared, his clothes were rumpled, and he hardly looked awake, but his wand was pulled and he was looking quickly around the room. "What's going on?" he asked slowly, realizing he there was no one else in the room.

Lily held out her hand and when his put his in hers, she pulled him roughly to her. Quickly, she wrapped her arms around his neck and bought her mouth to his.

Severus wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her, but then he pulled back and looked at her quizzically. "Are you all right?"

Lily cocked her head to the side and slowly traced her arms down his shoulders and back to the waist band of his jeans. "I am now…"

Severus raised his eyebrows.

Lily slid her hands around to his stomach and hooked the fabric with her fingers. She deftly pushed it up over his chest, smiling as her fingers traced his muscles.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his voice a little ragged.

The soft change in his voice delighted her. She pulled the shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor beside them. She pulled his head down for another kiss.

"Lily, we're in the hospital," he breathed softly as she moved her lips to his neck.

"I've locked the door," she answered simply, running her hands down the front of his jeans and giving a soft moan of delight as she felt the confirmation that her plan was working.

"Why don't we just go back home?" he asked, his words oddly broken as he tried to concentrate.

Lily kissed up his neck and wrapped her slender legs around him, pressing her body into his. "Do you really want to stop?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer; she took one of his hands placed it firmly on her breast. She let out a soft sigh as she arched her back. The move worked, Severus's hand tightened as he squeezed through the top. Her breasts were more sensitive now but it was just enough pain and pleasure to make her moan again and buck her hips against him.

Severus ducked his head and kissed her neck, then her collarbone. Lily wrapped her arm around his neck and dug her fingers into his back as she tried to pull herself closer.

His hand dropped suddenly and he stepped back from her, his chest rising and falling rapidly and he raked his hands through his hair. "Lily, what's gotten into you?" he asked softly.

She scooted forward and gave him her best coy smile. "I just realized how much I've been missing you."

"But here? At the hospital?" he asked, glancing again at the door.

Lily huffed impatiently. "I told you, I locked it."

Severus stared at her for a moment then stooped for his shirt.

Lily groaned. "Come on, Sev."

He pushed his arms through the sleeves and pulled the material over his head. "We can pick this up at home."

Lily tossed her head back and glared at the ceiling. "If I wanted to be at home, I wouldn't have called for you here."

He stopped and watched her as she pulled herself off the desk and impatiently gathered her hair into a low ponytail. "What's gotten into you?"

Her eyes were narrowed at him as she snapped, "Apparently nothing."

He rolled his eyes at the jab and caught her arm and pulled her to him. Lily started to twist to jerk away, but he firmly grabbed her other shoulder to hold her in place. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her body against his. She tried not to sigh in annoyance as he gently brushed his fingers down the side of her face. "You know that this is not a rejection. I would just rather have you where there is far less of a chance of getting an audience."

Lily glowered at him. She reached down and ran her hand down the length of the front of his jeans. "I know it's not a rejection. _This_ tells me that much. You just have no sense of adventure." She wasn't sure why she was trying to antagonize him, but it began to help ease her irritation.

Something flashed across his face; it wasn't quite hurt, maybe surprise at her words, but he didn't look pleased. "You aren't acting like yourself."

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. "I'm hormonal," she answered.

Severus made a face. "If I'd said that, you would have punched me."

"Because I know it's you'd say it just to be mean," Lily shrugged, she shot a pointed look at his rumpled shirt. "Get yourself together and I'll see you at home."

With that she turned on her heel, flicked her wand at the lock, and left the room.

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Is Lily right? Is it just hormones? Or is Severus right and she's acting very out of character? Please leave a comment!


	48. Chapter 48

Welcome back! I was surprised some of you were let down by the lack of "action" in the last chapter. I haven't written a chapter like that in I guess about 30 chapters (I can't believe how long this story has played out!). I need feedback for the next chapter…which direction do I go? Either way, the next update is partially written (depending on the feedback) and will be up tomorrow evening. I can't wait to hear what you think!

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Severus looked at the table and sighed. He picked up the vase of roses and moved it to the counter. Now the table looked empty with just the candles. He yanked the roses out of the vase, waved his wand then picked up the now smaller vase. He pulled a few roses from the bunch, dropped them into the vase, then put the smaller one on the table again. Better. Not great, but better.

He sighed again and went back into the living room.

Lily had been weird at the hospital. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Maybe she was right and it was just hormones. He raised his eyebrows. Pregnancy had to be difficult for her with all the changes and things; he didn't want to make it worse for her. But at the same time, she might be making him crazy.

Severus smirked to himself as he sat down in one of the overstuffed armchairs. If this was crazy, what was going to happen in two babies were in control of the house?

A flash from his dream came to him, the small children running around the house, Lily at making dinner, and he couldn't help but smile.

The slamming of the door snapped him out of his reverie and he spun quickly in his chair. Lily was taking off her coat and tossing it over the chair.

"Hey," he greeted, standing up and reaching for her.

Lily walked past his open arms and into the kitchen.

Severus pursed his lips and hurried after her. "How was the hospital?"

"It was frustrating," Lily answered. She paused as she saw the candles on the table and then the roses. She didn't say anything but she walked past the set up and went to the refrigerator where she pulled out the fixing for a sandwich.

Severus watched her take the things to the counter and actually start to make the sandwich before he spoke up. "I was going to make us dinner."

Lily didn't look at him. "I'm not really in _the mood_ for something like that right now."

Well, at least she wasn't holding back. She was still pissed about him leaving the hospital. "Lily—"

"When the woman carrying your children wants you. You don't turn her down," she snapped.

"I wasn't turning you down—"

"No, not at all, you just didn't want me then."

"Quit twisting this, Lily."

"There's nothing for me to twist, Severus!" She slapped a piece of bread onto her sandwich. "You left me there."

"You were at work!"

"We were alone!"

"That's not appropriate!"

"And everything you do in your life is suddenly appropriate?"

He rolled his eyes. So every time they got into a fight she was going to throw that at him. Why didn't she understand he _could not _walk away? He couldn't cut the damn thing out of his arm.

"I have to make best judgment in a situation," he snarled.

"So my judgment is wrong," she exploded.

"Yes, in that situation, your judgment was wrong," he answered.

Lily shook her head and walked out of the kitchen.

Severus let out a groan as he leaned back against the counter and ran his hand over his face then through his hair. This was absolutely ridiculous. It wasn't fair that everything he tried she shot down. "Lily," he barked, storming after her.

He came into the room and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. "This has got to stop."

Lily glared up at him, her green eyes flashing. "Let go of me."

"You can't just scream at me and expect it to be okay," he hissed.

Lily tried to jerk away. "I'll do whatever I damn well please."

Severus stepped forward to keep her from getting away. He had been so focused on her he didn't realize they were only inches from the wall. Lily let out a soft _oomf_ and jerked her head up in a sneer. "Get off of me!"

He grabbed the wrist as she raised it and held it above her head. He slid his other hand down her arm and grabbed that wrist too just in case. "You don't get to hit me, Lily."

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling in inhaled sharply.

"Lily, look, I can't put into words how much I care about you, but you cannot treat me like I'm wrong all the time. I'm doing the best I know how. And I need you to care enough about me to try to understand."

She looked at him through the narrowed slits of her eyes. "You are wrong. And I'm not going pretend that you aren't. I can't just stand back and—"

Severus leaned forward and kissed her, abruptly cutting her off. He leaned against her as he felt her initial push back. His weight kept her still enough that he trusted her to release her arm, his hand moving to the back of her neck to pull her head a little closer.

Lily pulled turned her head to the side. "No, not now."

He followed her mouth with his own, he was rewarded for a few seconds as she gave in a kissed him, then turned her head again.

He reached around and gently cupped her head turning her back to him. "Stop being mad at me." He whispered, his lips brushing against hers.

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Please leave me some feedback!


	49. Chapter 49

I updated like I said I would! This was a fun chapter to write! Thank you to everyone who has been sticking with me though this story and welcome to the new comers!

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"Stop being stupid," Lily moaned, putting her hands on his chest and pushing back.

Severus closed his eyes, finally stepping away from her. "You know what, Lily," he sighed. "I'm done groveling." He threw his hands up and shook his head. He turned and stormed into the kitchen. He snatched his wand off of the counter and stormed through the back door.

Once outside, he closed his eyes and disapparated.

Crickets were chirping and he could smell the fresh water of the lake. Severus knelt down and put his head in his hands. Hadn't he _just_ been telling himself that he needed to be patient with Lily? And what did he wind up doing?

Severus stood up and looked at the cabin. He was surprised to see it was empty. Apparently its position as a hang-out abruptly ended after he left. He made his way up the hill to the cabin, trying to steady his breathing.

He loved her; he really did. But day after day, battery after battery, he didn't feel loved back, he felt like a damn punching bag.

Severus swung the door open and flicked his wand, lighting the lamps around the room. He sat down on the couch and raked his hands through his hair.

Maybe he could make a potion. There were surely potions that would not hurt the babies but would mellow her the hell out.

The door to the cabin blasted open and Severus jumped off the couch, yanking his wand to eye level.

Lily stood against the backdrop of the night sky and folded her arms. "Do you really think you can just leave?"

Severus narrowed his eyes as he looked her over. "How did you get here?"

Lily raised her eyebrows, her lips pulled into a tight grimace. "You make it seem like it would be hard to follow you."

Severus lowered his wand, still looking at her quizzically. "I disapperated…how did you follow me?"

Lily rolled her eyes as she stepped into the room and kicked the door shut behind her. "Why did you leave?"

"What?"

She stared at him as though he were speaking a different language. "Why did you leave?" she said slowly, enunciating each word.

"I needed a break, Lily."

"Oh, because this pregnancy is so hard for you," she snapped. "I'm so sorry that growing two people is stressing your body out!"

"I've been doing everything I can to help you and you just push me away!"

"Is that all you ever have to say? Poor little, Severus, Lily's being mean. Lily's the bad guy."

Severus threw his hands up. "I can't win." He shook his head and started to step around her to get to the doorway.

Lily flicked her own wand, the edges around the door glowed a fiery red and Severus knew she'd sealed the door; he just didn't have any idea what kind of spell she'd used.

"What are you doing?" he barked.

"You can't just walk away from me," she snarled.

Severus let out something that seemed like a laugh but it was much more ghastly. Something was horribly and terribly wrong.

He looked at her apprehensively as he stepped back away from her. Her eyes were dark and the expression of anger didn't fit right on her usually gentle face.

"Lily, please," he said softly. Please what? What exactly did he want her to do?

A flash of yellow light filled the room and the end table next to the couch exploded into pieces. Severus turned and covered his face with his hand.

"Please what!" she yelled. "Let you leave me? Let you just knock me up and leave?"

"Lily, I'm not trying to leave," he reasoned. Well, he tried to reason; she didn't seem to be taking in a word he was saying.

"Just sit down, Severus."

Warning bells were ringing in his head. Sitting seemed like an awful idea, he felt he needed to be on his feet and ready for anything.

"I said sit!" Lilly barked, flicking her wand.

The force of her spell hit him squarely in the chest, lifting him several inches off the ground and swinging him through the air before slamming his body onto the couch. Severus felt the wind forced out of his lungs as his back collided with the couch. His body immediately went into a coughing fit as he tried to suck air back into his body.

The house was silent except for his ragged coughs and he thought for a moment that she had left. But when he was finally able to breathe again he looked up to see her standing only inches away from him.

"Bad things happen if you try to leave, Severus," she said, her voice coming out in a soft hiss.

He glared up at her, trying to find the girl he loved and not the girl he wanted nothing more than to curse back. "Are you going to kill me, Lily? Kill me so I can't leave?" Taunting her may not have been one of his better ideas, but his patience was wearing very thin and he found refuge in sarcasm.

His saw her wand arm twitch and before he could even think about what he was doing, he'd grabbed his own and immobilized her. She didn't fall to the ground, but her muscles were locked in the position she'd been in when he'd cast the spell, only her eyes were able to move.

Severus let out a long breath and tried to gather his thoughts as he stood slowly and studied her. "What the hell is going on, Lily?"

He considered the stock pile of potions he had in the cabin. None of them would have the effect he wanted right now which was pretty much a tranquilizer, but he didn't want to hurt the babies. He could use the _imperious curse_ on her but that wouldn't solve anything; she'd just be even more pissed when she managed to throw it off.

At that last thought, he drew his attention back to her and realized she was slowly moving her fingers and he barely had time to cast the shield charm before she threw his spell off entire.

"I don't know why you're acting like this, Severus," she snapped. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Throwing me into the couch didn't feel so awesome, Lily," he retorted, focusing on the shield and trying to wrack his brain for something to do to fend her off again.

Lily's shoulders stooped and for a moment she looked ashamed. "I just wanted to you to listen to me," she said softly. "Something's not right, Sev, and we need to talk about it so we can work it out."

"Drop your wand and we can talk, Lily," he said. He couldn't believe this; he was practically cowering behind a damn shield charm because she was scaring the hell out of him.

Lily snapped her head in his direction, her dark eyes locking on his. "I will not put my wand down."

The sudden blast of magic hit his shield with such force it would have seemed like he was nothing more than an inexperienced first year against an angry Death Eater. The blow knocked him off his feet and he landed on his back with a loud crack.

"I am so sick and tired of you treating me like I'm a child, Severus!" she screamed. She sent a spell into the wall behind him and he heard the crack of the old wood.

Severus covered his head and rolled to the side to avoid the falling pieces. Without pausing, he got to his feet and tried to disarm her, but Lily easily flicked the spell away.

She sent another spell—he was pretty sure it was a curse—and he only just side stepped it in time. The stones of the fireplace blasted apart and a spray of dust filled the room.

"Damn it, Lily, stop!" he begged, coughing again.

But there was no reasoning with her now. It was as though she was a stick of dynamite and someone had lit the fuse. She was sending spell after spell in his direction and it was all he could do to dodge them.

Then it happened; his foot caught on one of the pieces of broken stone and he hurdled forward. His sudden movement caught her by surprise and she yanked her wand just as she cast the spell. The wayward spell shot to the ceiling, blasting against one of the support beam.

Severus could hear the breaking of the supports; he could feel the fine rain of the ceiling giving away. Using the last bit of his energy, he flung himself forward, not stopping to cast a shield charm even as he saw her almost black eyes lock on him and she raised her wand.

The ceiling was going to fall in and he had to protect her the only way he knew how. Her spell fired from her wand just as his body crashed into hers and the chunks of debris began to rain down.

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Bellatrix stepped onto the porch and flicked her wand to open the door as the dust tried to settle. The entire ceiling hadn't caved in but there was a very sizeable hole now. Her dark eyes scanned the wreckage on the floor. It wasn't too extensive, but she was disappointed she hadn't had a better view.

She stepped over pieces of the ceiling until she found them. The Mudblood was on her back, blood was slowly trickling down her face, Severus was sprawled across her chest as though he'd dived to cover her.

Bellatrix reach down, grabbed him by his shoulder and yanked him away. His head was also bleeding, probably more severely than the Mudblood but that wasn't a concern at the moment. Bellatrix checked the woman's neck for a pulse and let out a quick sigh of relief then she tried the spell she'd seen the healer do. She waved her wand and two distinct glows seemed to emanate from the Lily's abdomen.

Satisfied, Bellatrix pulled a small vial from her pocket, then she tilted the Mudblood's head back and slowly trickled the liquid into her throat. She half expected the little witch to choke on it, but he'd said she wouldn't and he had been right, as long as she poured the liquid slowly, the Mudblood didn't choke. Bellatrix watched her for a few more moments then put her head back on the ground and stood up.

She surveyed the wreckage of the room then let her eyes land on the Mudblood again. Her chest was rising and falling with rapid breaths. She didn't bother to check on Severus. As a smirk curled her lips, she disapparated into the night.

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Give me any comments! I'd love to know your reactions!


	50. Chapter 50

I wish I had cool story, like I'd suddenly hit the lottery, built a house across the bay from my long lost love, and I've been wrapped up trying to win him back by throwing huge and impressive parties, only to have him wind up betraying me in the end.

Unfortunately, my best explanation is that life got insane. I could sit and write for about five minutes before it seemed like another issue popped up and demanded to be dealt with. But it's summertime now! And summer means a lot more writing from me!

So, welcome back everyone!

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Lily was sure a dragon had found her, tossed her around, and used her as a chew toy. That was the only acceptable reason that every bone in her body should ache and burn and hurt all at the same time.

An agonized groan escaped her lips as she forced her eyes to open. It may have been easier to pour alcohol onto an open wound. A sharp cry slipped past her lips as she jerked her arms up to cover her eyes.

Where the hell was she? Why was her head pounding?

She forced herself to open her eyes again and take inventory of her surroundings.

Sunlight streamed through a gaping hole in what could only be the ceiling.

In confusion, Lily looked around far too suddenly and her head felt as though someone was smashing her brain against the inside of her skull. Wincing as her stomach gave a violent twist, she realized she was in the ruins of Severus' cabin.

Severus.

As though it were a clip from a film she saw him in her mind: his face filled with rage, his wand raised, a violent flash of light, Severus was yelling but what was he saying?

Lily shook her head and climbed slowly to her feet. Those images in her head didn't make sense. Who was Severus fighting? Where was he now?

Her heart dropped when her eyes settled on the dark from on the ground.

"Severus!" his name was a soft breath of air, but it felt as though it had pulled everything out of her with its escape. She started toward him but there were pieces of broken furniture and wood and other unnamable debris in her way. Frustrated, Lily flicked her hands and to her immense shock, the wreckage parted and rushed to the walls away from Severus' still body.

Lily didn't have time to indulge her surprise; she rushed forward and knelt down next to the figure on the ground. She was running purely on instinct; her hand reached down to cradle his face and her fingers desperately felt for a pulse as she tried to ignore the tacky blood on the side of his head.

"Sev. Severus, please," she begged. Then she felt it, just there under her fingertips, the slightly erratic—but still beating—pulse of his heart.

She fumbled for her wand and conjured a bowl of water, a rag, and a goblet of water.

She dipped the rag into the water then pressed it gently to his forehead. She almost wept with relief when she heard him moan softly at the water.

"Sev?"

"Lily," he groaned. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he stared at her as though he was a feral cat cornered by dogs. His arms were held in front of him and his eyes darted frantically around the room.

"Sev, it's okay," she said softly, standing up to move toward him. She didn't like the look of his head wound and his sudden movements certainly weren't going to help.

"I doubt that," he snapped.

Taken aback by the snap in his tone, Lily jerked around to look behind her. She was positive by his posture and voice that someone had entered the room. "There's no one there," Lily said softly.

"I'm not worried around anyone else," Severus snapped.

"Sev, what's going on?" Lily pleaded; he was starting to scare her. She'd never seen his wand pointed at her before.

He laughed—it was a nasty, harsh sound that ripped from him. "Put your wand down, Lily."

She looked blankly at her hand. She'd forgotten she'd been holding it. "Fine," she said, tossing it onto the clean floor between them.

Severus looked momentarily surprised but he didn't lower his wand.

"What happened before?" he asked.

Lily noticed the slight sway in his stance, like he was unsteady on his feet. "I don't know," she said softly. She just wanted him to calm down so he could sit down. "Please, Sev."

"Stop it!" he barked. This time he stepped back and staggered. Lily lunged forward and he raised his wand so it was level with her face. "Don't."

Lily finally froze. In all truthfulness, Severus was terrifying her right now. . "I don't know what's happening, Sev," she whimpered.

He laughed again. "I'm not going to do this, Lily."

"Do what, Severus?!" she demanded.

His wand arm flinched. Lily considered making a move, possibly forcing him to drop his wand, but his behavior was so erratic she didn't want the danger of pushing him.

"Severus, please just talk to me."

"No," he snapped. "I'm going to leave. I'm going back to Spinner's End. I need time to think about what you've done."

Lily pressed her hands to her eyes, trying to hold back a rising hysteria. "What have I done?" she barked.  
"Sev, you're not making any sense!"

But he didn't listen to her; in just a fast, jerky movement, he spun and was gone.

With his disappearance, Lily was sure that he'd sucked the air out of the room with him. Her knees trembled then gave as she dropped to the floor. Tears began to burn behind her eyes then they spilled over in a horrible torrent of body shaking tears.

Why was he acting like this? Why did he seem so terrified of her?

Lily didn't know how long she'd been on the floor, but the tears were slowly stopping and her throat was sore from the wracking sobs. She dragged her hand across her face and tried to take a deep breath. Her hand went to her stomach and her nerves settled a little more. She forced herself onto her feet then looked around the cabin.

Severus loved his cabin. And it was entirely destroyed. She still wasn't sure how it had gotten into this condition, but her mind reasoned that if she could start to fix this, then she could fix her relationship with Severus.

Lily retrieved her wand and gave it a gentle wave. Around her the rubble of ceiling began to assemble. Another flick sent the mass toward the ceiling. With a final spell—something she hadn't been sure would work but it'd sounded right in her head—the massive pieces mended together.

Lily turned to the rest of the mess. She spent a good deal of time fixing things, mending cracks and things that had been fragmented. But try as hard as she might, she could not get her brain to process what had happened before she'd woken up. If only Severus had told her what had happened. She bit her lip as she felt a knot in her stomach.

What as was she going to do about him?

Her hand was absently tracing her protruding stomach when she felt it—a soft push back against her hand.

A soft gasp escaped her lips and she started down at her stomach. Lily looked down in surprise then pressed her hand against the spot again. She'd felt flutterings and stirrings for weeks but this was different.

"Sev!" she breathed excitedly. Then it hit her. He wasn't here. He had been, not long before, but he'd left. He'd told her not to follow. He had left her alone in this mess.

He was missing the first time one of the twins kicked because he was being an asshole.

Lily walked to the couch, a new white thing she'd conjured thinking he might like it, and lowered herself onto it.

She wasn't sure if she was heartbroken or pissed off. She knew she wanted to talk to him. It wasn't fair that he'd just taken off on her. She stood up and snatched her wand. She concentrated, focusing her mind on who she wanted, then she gave it a flick.

She watched in fascination as the black wisps curled from the end of her wand. Then shot off through the roof.

She sat back down onto the couch and waited.

The gentle sounds of the birds and insects that lived around the lake filled the air. She put her wand next to her leg and crossed her legs, counting the anxious bounce of her knee.

She heard the crack outside door and called, "Come in."

The door swung wide and she met Bellatrix's narrowed eyes.

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We're at the awkward point where the story is evolving, and this may not have seemed worth the wait but some major things are about to go down. Please tell me your reactions!


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